Let's talk about something that really irritates me....
And no, I'm not talking about sandpaper on my genitals.... The secret THERE is if you rub the paper in a counterclockwise motion, there is hardly ANY residual scarring.
No, I'm talking about people in your life who don't know the first thing about how to be funny, but THINK that they are fucking HYSTERICAL!
Now, maybe i should be a bit more understanding. After all, the gods have granted me the gift of being pee-your-pants funny. All my life, its been my blessing, and my curse. Typically, God only grants the gift of humor to ugly people, to help them compensate for the fact that people are repulsed by them when they walk into a room, but for some reason, God double-dipped with me and not only made me blazingly quick-witted, but devastatingly handsome. It's really not fair to the rest of you. I'm not complaining, mind you, but i cant help thinking that because i was granted a double dose of perfection, some poor slob who was after me in line might have gotten neither humor NOR looks. What a poor, miserable life that person must be living....
Anyway, where was I?
Oh yeah, being funny.
The point being, it drives me absolutely batty when someone who doesn't have ONE funnybone in his body tries to be funny. Badly.
I have an aquaintance who suffers from this affliction and i just want to hit him over the head with a lead pipe every time he spews out one of his lame attempts at levity.
Me: I have to blow off the meeting today.
Him: You do?
Me: Yeah. Yes, I do.
Him: I bet you enjoy that, don't you?
Him: I said i bet you like blowing off the meeting.....
Me: Yeah, i heard you.
Him: You like "Blowing Stuff"!
Me: Yeah, i really do.
Him: I'm talking about blowjobs! Hee hee!
Me: Yeah, i know.
Him: I'm saying that you like giving them.
Me: I GET IT!!!