Thursday, November 14, 2013

Slyde's Pet Peeve # 13- The Internet Is Full Of Garbage

My friends, I do believe that we have finally gotten to the point where there is just too much shit out there on the interwebs……
I’m sure I’m not alone here in my frustration, am I?
I mean, how the HELL am I supposed to look up stuff, when 999,999 of the million things that are returned from my web search are complete bullshit?
Let’s throw out an example, shall we?  A HYPOTHETICAL example.  Let me say that again…. I am not saying that the scenario below has ever actually happened… it’s all make-believe, you get me?
Let’s say a particular person, perhaps a very WELL-HUNG person, decides to sit his muscular ass down in his office chair to look up, oh, I don’t know… let’s say he fancied some midget porn.
We’ve all been there, right?
So, he bring up his trusty GOOGLE browser and types the aforementioned “midget porn” into his search bar, and clicks “SEARCH”.
Oh sure, our hypothetical stud will be sure to get some midget porn…..
Along with every fucking other type of thing in the world that has the words ‘midget’ or ‘porn’ in it.  Shit, even if you use the trick of putting your search all in quotes, which is SUPPOSED to return you the ONLY THE EXACT PHRASE YOU ARE SEARCHING ON, you still get a complete hodge-podge of shit returned to you.  It just doesn’t work. 
Do you realize how much time I (er… I meant, our hypothetical person) had to sift through before he got to see some honest-to-goodness little people going at it?
Ok, maybe using “Porn” as an example is diluting my point a bit.
Let’s change gears and say that you wanted to Google “Holly Hunter”.
Even if you put her name in quotes, for every link about Holly Hunter that were returned, you’d ALSO get a link about:
Putting Holly around your Christmas tree
Hunting in the Ozarks
Holly Hobbie
Bargain Hunting
Every person on Facebook whose first name is Holly!  Every fucking one!
You get the point, right?
I don’t know, maybe it’s me, but it just seems to me that in this golden age of information, I should be able to search for EXACTLY what I am looking for…..
And any rumors going around that I ended up touching myself to those pictures of Holly Hobbie are completely unfounded, I swear…..


Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

Some where in this world Holly Hunter is doing a Google search for a well hung, handsome man with a tight toned ass who enjoys midget porn. And, she will find Slydesblog!

Slyde said...

if only!

MarkD60 said...

I have a similar problem with YouTube. The other day I decided I wanted to see some ZZ Top videos. So I search YouTube, and there's so much crap. Every mutha fukka who ever sang an Aerosmith song in his car or bathroom (and taped it) is in there.
I couldn't find ANY Aerosmith official videos.
Vimeo is much better.

Bruce Johnson said...

Clearly your web skills have suffered from all the midget porn browsing you have done over the years.

Please look here:

Slyde said...

Mark: so you searched for ZZ top videos but were pissed that you couldnt find any Aerosmith videos?

maybe YOU'RE the problem?

Slyde said...

bruce: ok, im checking that link, but if it ends up proving that i was wrong, i am going to ignore it.