We all know that people are stupid, right?
I mean not YOU people. YOU are all smart as aces. I'm talking about everyone ELSE, who doesn't read this blog....
Case in point:
Last week I took my son to the Long Island Game Farm. We try to get there every year. Mini-Me loves to feed the giraffes and shit. Wait, that came out wrong. I mean that he likes to feed the giraffes and other stuff there, like the deer and the goats. I Didn't mean that he likes to go there to feed the giraffes and then go poop. Although, that might be fun for him, too.
Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, stupid people.
Anyway, we got to the game farm, and we went right to Mini-Me's favorite spot where he can get bottles of milk and feed the baby goats.
I spied a young college chick behind the counter where I am supposed to purchase the bottles, at $3 per bottle. I walked up to her, and the following conversation took place:
Stud: I'd like to buy one bottle please.
Dolt: One bottle or two?
Stud: errrrr, one.
Dolt: That'll be $3.
Stud: Ok. (I handed her a $20)
Dolt: (Staring blankly at the $20). I don't have any change.
Dolt: I can't make change for you.
Stud: You can't break a $20?
Stud: Oooookay... so what do we do now?
Dolt: I don't know.
Stud: Well, can you go GET change from somewhere?
Dolt: Yeah, I guess. Wait here, I'll be right back. (as she lumbered away, she took the $20 from my hand. I wasn't happy about that, but I let it go)
Dolt: (returning after 5 minutes and an angry line of people waiting has now formed behind me) Ok, i got change from the guy running the Carousel.
Dolt: That'll be $3.
Stud: Are you kidding me? I handed you a $20 already!
Dolt: Oh, right!
Stud: Not to mention the fact that if I HAD $3, you wouldn't have had to get change in the first place!
Dolt: Ok, got it. Here you go. (She proceeded to hand me TWO bottles, and $5)
Stud: What is this?
Dolt: What do you mean?
Stud: I gave you $20 for a $3 bottle. You handed me TWO bottles, which I didn't want, and since you only gave me $5 change I am forced to believe that the price of milk has reached dangerous proportions since I just apparently paid $7.50 per bottle.
Stud: I only wanted ONE bottle!
Dolt: Oh, OK. (She took the 2nd bottle from me). We good?
Stud: No, we are a far fucking way from good. You have now just charged me $15 for this bottle of milk!
Dolt: OK, I'm really confused.
Stud: You gave me the wrong amount of change!
Dolt: Oh, OK. Here, give me $2 so i can give make change easier.
Stud: What the fuck? That doesn't even make any sense! Unless the government is now issuing $19 bills?
Dolt: I don't understand.
Stud: Now, That's an understatement! Look.... I bought something from you for $3 and I already gave you $20. Just give me $17 and I can walk away and just pretend that we have never met each other before.
Dolt: OK, if you say so. I just want this to be over.
So, in the end, i got my change, Mini-Me got to feed a goat, and i went on my way wondering just what the fuck kind of schooling kids get today that basic fucking math baffles them.
Let's all pray that Apple never stops including a calculator app on their Iphones, or this world is doomed....