Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Orange Is The New Stupid

We all know that people are stupid, right?

I mean not YOU people.  YOU are all smart as aces.  I'm talking about everyone ELSE, who doesn't read this blog....

Case in point:

Last week I took my son to the Long Island Game Farm.  We try to get there every year.  Mini-Me loves to feed the giraffes and shit.  Wait, that came out wrong.  I mean that he likes to feed the giraffes and other stuff there, like the deer and the goats.  I Didn't mean that he likes to go there to feed the giraffes and then go poop.  Although, that might be fun for him, too.

Wait, what was I talking about again?  Oh yeah, stupid people.

Anyway, we got to the game farm, and we went right to Mini-Me's favorite spot where he can get bottles of milk and feed the baby goats.

I spied a young college chick behind the counter where I am supposed to purchase the bottles, at $3 per bottle.  I walked up to her, and the following conversation took place:

Stud: I'd like to buy one bottle please.

Dolt: One bottle or two?

Stud: errrrr, one.

Dolt: That'll be $3.

Stud: Ok.  (I handed her a $20)

Dolt: (Staring blankly at the $20).  I don't have any change.

Stud: What?

Dolt: I can't make change for you.

Stud:   You can't break a $20?

Dolt: Nope.

Stud: Oooookay... so what do we do now?

Dolt: I don't know.

Stud:   Well, can you go GET change from somewhere? 

Dolt: Yeah, I guess.  Wait here, I'll be right back.  (as she lumbered away, she took the $20 from my hand.  I wasn't happy about that, but I let it go)

Dolt: (returning after 5 minutes and an angry line of people waiting has now formed behind me)  Ok, i got change from the guy running the Carousel.

Stud: Great!

Dolt:   That'll be $3.

Stud: Are you kidding me?  I handed you a $20 already! 

Dolt:  Oh, right!

Stud: Not to mention the fact that if I HAD $3, you wouldn't have had to get change in the first place!

Dolt: Ok, got it.  Here you go.  (She proceeded to hand me TWO bottles, and $5)

Stud: What is this?

Dolt: What do you mean?

Stud: I gave you $20 for a $3 bottle.  You handed me TWO bottles, which I didn't want, and since you only gave me $5 change I am forced to believe that the price of milk has reached dangerous proportions since I just apparently paid $7.50 per bottle.

Dolt: Huh?

Stud: I only wanted ONE bottle!

Dolt: Oh, OK.  (She took the 2nd bottle from me).  We good?

Stud: No, we are a far fucking way from good.  You have now just charged me $15 for this bottle of milk!

Dolt: OK, I'm really confused.

Stud: You gave me the wrong amount of change!

Dolt:  Oh, OK.  Here, give me $2 so i can give make change easier.

Stud: What the fuck?  That doesn't even make any sense!  Unless the government is now issuing $19 bills?

Dolt: I don't understand.

Stud: Now, That's an understatement!  Look.... I bought something from you for $3 and I already gave you $20.  Just give me $17 and I can walk away and just pretend that we have never met each other before.

Dolt: OK, if you say so.  I just want this to be over.

Stud: Likewise.

So, in the end, i got my change, Mini-Me got to feed a goat, and i went on my way wondering just what the fuck kind of schooling kids get today that basic fucking math baffles them.

Let's all pray that Apple never stops including a calculator app on their Iphones, or this world is doomed....


Chantel said...

Seriously? I would have lost my freakin' mind! I swear I am a decent person, but when the "special" people they hire at the grocery to bag REPEATEDLY put the fabric softener sheets in with my bakery bread leaving me with "exotic garden" sandwiches, I hover near homicidal! Who makes these calls anyway?? (and now I bag my OWN groceries, thankyouverymuch)

MarkD60 said...

That sounds beyond belief. I'm glad reading your blog means I'm smart though, I was wondering.

Slyde said...

Chantel: yeah, grocery store clerks are often the worst offenders..

Mark: I was wondering you about, too...

Anonymous said...

I always laugh when I read your stuff ...

I don't learn anything, mind you; but I do laugh :)

Anonymous said...

she sounds a lot smarter than some of the folk i work with

Memphis said...

I had an experience like that at a Hooters restaurant once. The waitress put the bill of all 20 of us on one check without asking. When we told her we weren't together and needed separate checks she moaned and said "ooooh, now I have to do MAAAAAAATH!" If only she had been kidding it would have been hilarious.

Bruce Johnson said...

Yes, welcome to my world. The Zombie apocalypse will not come like World War Z, it will come like this. Extremely stupid people that are unable to function that S L O W L Y destroy society. (and don't forget, the little teenage cashier has the RIGHT to breed and own a gun, the TEA party loves these sorts of impressionable young adults)

SweetBlueZ51 said...

I feel your pain. I not only bag my own groceries because if you want something done right you have to do it yourself these days, but I also ring them up to ensure that's done correctly. I feel like I work at the grocery store, but it's the only way to make sure things are done right!

This is all too familiar. I have a slew of similar cashier type interactions to tell it's downright frightening the world can continue to go on without imploding. The thing that always gets me is that in the end, they always have an attitude as if it was YOUR problem all along. They REALLY DO believe it wasn't them. i.e.: "Dolt: OK, if you say so. I just want this to be over.", LOL! I always say, you just can't make this stuff up!

SweetBlueZ51 said...

Here's one that immediately comes to mind that I'd like to share: I went out to eat, paid the bill with my credit card, and when they brought back the receipt for me to sign my card was nowhere to be found. When I asked the waitress where the heck my card went, she kept swearing she gave it back to me upon which I strongly disagreed. For a good 20 minutes thereafter she claimed she was looking for it in the kitchen and on the restaurant floor?!?! Finally she "found" it and returned it to me. No apologies. No break on the bill. No discount "voucher" for next time. NOTHING! Wow!

Jill said...

Oh that's probably why yesterday I went out to lunch, ordered water and got ice tea, ordered a half order of nachos and got a full order, and ordered a bowl of grated cheese and got…it was too much trouble to point out the lack of cheese.