My birthday was this week. I've spoken before about my crazy fear of birthdays, and of getting older. I know I've babbled about it dozens of times. Here and Here are two examples.
I'm not sure what it is about getting older that scares the shit out of me. Maybe its that whole "dying" part?
It's just very strange because i really have no fear of anything else in my life except the idea that every year i inch closer to death.
And it's really odd which birthdays bother me. I was SURE that turning 30 would kill me, but in the end, it was no big deal. Turning 36 REALLY bothered me, but that was because my first serious girlfriend was 36 and at the time, i thought 36 was OLD, so when i turned 36 myself, i kinda freaked out alittle. 40 Really bothered me, too.
And this week, i turned 45. 45 scares me. A lot. I can no longer tell people that i am in my EARLY 40's. The term "Mid-40's" makes me want to poop myself. Also, i was thinking about it the other day and i came to the conclusion that there is a very real chance that i have now lived more of my life that i have life left to live. I cannot explain to you how bowel-watering frightening that is to me.
I don't know why the concept of getting older scares me so damn much, but i fight the aging process every damn day. I am always trying to stay active, and i work out like a fiend. I can honestly say that i am currently in the best shape of my life but no matter how much weight i lift or how many miles i climb on the StairMaster, the clock still keeps fucking ticking.
If i was going to analyze myself, i think that the roots of my hatred of aging had to do with the fact that i have the worst possible birthday a kid could ask for. I have a friend who's birthday is the day before Christmas, and she always bitches that is a shitty birthday to have because she often gets jipped on presents, but i will hold my ground and attest that mine is worse.
My Birthday is on September 2nd, which fell on Labor Day this year.
Think about that for a second. As a kid, my birthday almost ALWAYS fell on the last day of Summer vacation. Here I was, a young Slyde enjoying his summer, and every time i thought of my upcoming birthday, I had to remember that the next day started another shitty year of school! I spent almost all of my birthdays watching the fucking Labor Day Jerry Lewis telethon, dammit!
Do you know how many people would get me "Back to School" clothes for my birthday? Fuckers.......
Anyway, i am now officially 45, which sucks.
But on the bright side, i still look fabulous and am hung like a donkey, so that's gotta count for something.....