Thursday, September 05, 2013

Old Man Time



My birthday was this week. I've spoken before about my crazy fear of birthdays, and of getting older. I know I've babbled about it dozens of times. Here and Here are two examples.

I'm not sure what it is about getting older that scares the shit out of me. Maybe its that whole "dying" part?

It's just very strange because i really have no fear of anything else in my life except the idea that every year i inch closer to death.

And it's really odd which birthdays bother me. I was SURE that turning 30 would kill me, but in the end, it was no big deal. Turning 36 REALLY bothered me, but that was because my first serious girlfriend was 36 and at the time, i thought 36 was OLD, so when i turned 36 myself, i kinda freaked out alittle. 40 Really bothered me, too.

And this week, i turned 45. 45 scares me. A lot. I can no longer tell people that i am in my EARLY 40's. The term "Mid-40's" makes me want to poop myself. Also, i was thinking about it the other day and i came to the conclusion that there is a very real chance that i have now lived more of my life that i have life left to live. I cannot explain to you how bowel-watering frightening that is to me.

I don't know why the concept of getting older scares me so damn much, but i fight the aging process every damn day. I am always trying to stay active, and i work out like a fiend. I can honestly say that i am currently in the best shape of my life but no matter how much weight i lift or how many miles i climb on the StairMaster, the clock still keeps fucking ticking.

If i was going to analyze myself, i think that the roots of my hatred of aging had to do with the fact that i have the worst possible birthday a kid could ask for. I have a friend who's birthday is the day before Christmas, and she always bitches that is a shitty birthday to have because she often gets jipped on presents, but i will hold my ground and attest that mine is worse.

My Birthday is on September 2nd, which fell on Labor Day this year.

Think about that for a second. As a kid, my birthday almost ALWAYS fell on the last day of Summer vacation. Here I was, a young Slyde enjoying his summer, and every time i thought of my upcoming birthday, I had to remember that the next day started another shitty year of school! I spent almost all of my birthdays watching the fucking Labor Day Jerry Lewis telethon, dammit!

Do you know how many people would get me "Back to School" clothes for my birthday? Fuckers.......

Anyway, i am now officially 45, which sucks.

But on the bright side, i still look fabulous and am hung like a donkey, so that's gotta count for something.....

11 comments:

MarkD60 said...

I'm not getting older, I'm staying the same. I used to go to the doctor, and it was an old man, now the doctor is a little kid. Police used to be all old guys, now they're children. Obama is the first president younger than me. The president of the USA used to always be these ancient old men...
But I haven't changed, I'm still the same kid.

Slyde said...

i like that way of thinking.

Bijoux said...

I turned 50 a few months ago. Sucks when the AARP starts harassing you by mail!

I still think like a kid (well, a college kid, maybe)....."What am I going to do Friday night? and "Does this make me look hot?"

Slyde said...

yeah, im with you. most of my time is spent watching movies and playing video games, which is exactly what i was doing when i was 15, so there's that...

B.E. Earl said...

I remember an early 20's Slyde. If my math is correct, that was like 60 years ago. Happy belated birthday, young man.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

Happy Forty Fucking Fifth Birthday!!!! That is a big one indeed. I couldn't get out of bed on my 40th birthday because I was so damn depressed. But I came to embrace my 40's and loved every second of that decade. In December I turn the big 5-0 and can't wait to get my AARP card 'cause that will be my excuse to flip everyone the bird. I figure I've earned it by then!!!

Slyde said...

earl: I too, remember me in my 20's.... as i recall, you were 60 at the time.

keeping: you're 49? Daaaamn girl, you look great! (but you probably already know that)

Yvonne said...

Happy belated birthday to you!!! I sent a stripper-gram, did you get it? You share your birthday with my brother, along with the day of labor. Anyway, aside from your fear of turning older, I hope you had a good day, nonetheless. Forty-five... I remember that age. I did the same thing you did, freak out about not being in your early forties anymore and inching closer and closer to fifty and ugh!!!! Anyway, I'm turning 47 in a few weeks. Yeah, try not stressing about that as a woman, who not has never been married, but has no children either, not even a pet. I win.

Seriously, hope your day was as special as you, bloggie. :)

Yvonne said...

oops, i forgot to add, ...and a mother who reminds me of this every day. :)

AlleyCat said...

Happy Birthday Slyde!!!

I'm so with you on this one :0( I started thinking I'd already lived half my life when I hit 40.

Back to school clothes...........you poor bugger!!!!

SweetBlueZ51 said...

I concur with your friend; only my BD is the day after Christmas; and it sucks donkey balls BIG TIME! Not to mention that all my presents combined together to form one big MEGA-GIFT-CHRISTMAS never added up to a fraction of what any other kid got for Christmas or Hanukkah alone! Anyone that ever gave me anything always combined the two & said the same thing every time, "Oh, this gift is for Christmas & ALSO your friggin' BIRTHDAY too!" - SUCKSSSSSSSS!!!!