Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Chicks And Their Baggage

Can i ask you girls a personal question?

What the HOLY HELL is it with you chicks and your handbags?

I mean Holy Shit you guys have issues!

I have never seen a group of people who hem and haw so much over something that is nothing more than a bag that holds your shit.

"Should i get a double strap, or a single strap? Louis Vuitton or Prada? I need another bag that matches my shoes!"

Are you kidding me?

Ladies, let me give you a small insight into the complex mind of men....

We don't care if you're bag is Prada or not.....

We don't care if the bag matches your dress, your shoes, or your hair....

We don't care if your bag is rectangular, round, or square.....

To be quite honest, we don't give a shit if you're holding a trash bag filled with dead puppies. All we care about is if we are going to get lucky or not.

So, do yourself a favor and stop stressing about the whole handbag thing.

Believe me, we aren't noticing it.

The only way we will comment about your handbag is if it's on fire and you throw it at us.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Get Out The Way For Old Dan Tucker...

I think I've mentioned this before, but every Friday night, Mini-Me and I walk to 7-11, where we buy Slurpees, some snacks, and head home to watch a movie.

We've been doing this for a few years now, and it's always been a fun little thing to do with him, and he looks forward to it so much that it makes my heart hurt.

We've gone through most of the old standards..... From Jumanji, to Abbot and Costello, to Star Wars, and just about everything in between.

It's been getting harder and harder to find some good, wholesome stuff that a kid can watch that completely doesnt suck ASS for the adult.

Seriously, there is a LOT of total shit out there that anyone over 10 years old simply CANNOT sit through without puking.

So, one day i had the idea to try watching Little House on The Prarie with Mini-Me. I didnt know if he would be game for it, as its mostly a show about yucky girls and stuff, but i had a friend who had the first season on DVD, so i thought i'd give it a try.

I am secure enough in my manhood to admit that when i was a young'un, i used to LOVE Little House. I never mentioned it to any of my friends, of course, but i watched it religiously just the same. You know what? Screw them. They were probably sitting at home watching it, too.

Anyway, we watched the first episode and he LOVED IT.

I mean, really, really loved it. I was hoping he would enjoy the show and it would be a nice diversion to throw on once in a while, but my little man wants to devour this show!

Any day that we have a stretch of free time, he begs me to watch another episode.... and another... and another. Amazon is barely able to keep up with my purchase orders, as we continue to tear through the DVD's one after the other.

We're currently nearing the end of season 3, and i am happy to report that season 4 is all ready and waiting for us on top of the DVD player.

I must say, that show was ahead of its damn time. Those episodes are so well-written, and well-acted, that i find myself watching it with a big doofy grin on my face.

And, they take me back to my own childhood, when i used to watch Little House myself. Sometimes, while we're watching it, I glance over at Mini-Me and see such an expression of joy and wonder on his little face, that it makes me all giddy inside. It makes me very happy to have a great old show like this that we can watch together that both can get some enjoyment from.

Because that's what it's all about, isnt it? It sure as hell SHOULD be.

After our Little House marathons, i pick up the little tyke, and put the tuckered little guy to bed.

Then I go downstairs and watch porn.

That seems to fufil the ONE thing that Little House doesnt seem to be able to provide me....

Although that Doctor Baker sure was a hottie.....

Monday, August 12, 2013

Bust A Move

Yeah yeah yeah, another throw-away post.

When the Summer's over, so will be my lack of posting (also over will be the torrid summer affair I'm having with that hunky lifeguard!).

Anyway, last week Jimmy Fallon put this together, and i think it's aces. I always liked Fallon. I think he was the best thing about Saturday Night Live during the years he was on it. When he would crack Horatio Sanz up during a skit, it would always make me think of those classic Tim Conway/Harvey Korman skits on the old Carrol Burnett show.

Yeah, i guess I'm old. But i still look hot as FUCK.

Monday, August 05, 2013

Mateo Scourge Wants YOU!

Well, i am continuing to be a lazy stay-about this Summer. Not posting much, not visiting other people's blogs, really not doing much of anything except floating around my pool and doing as little work as possible.

But that's OK, because the Summer is now officially more than half over, and then the days will get super short, and I'll get all melancholy and depressed, so i am going to make the most out of the next few weeks.

Look, what I'm trying to say is I barely had the energy to write even THIS lazy post today.

Anyway, by now you have no doubt heard that our good local friend, ex New York congressman Anthony Weiner, has ONCE again made a complete ass out of himself, by getting caught up in another sexting scandal.

Is this guy for reals or what?

I mean, I make an ass out of myself all the time. I've become something of an expert on it. But, for me, when i do something stupid, my small circle of friends get to see me embarrass myself, and then i go home to lick my wounds.

But this fucking guy, this elected official, disgraced himself to the world last year as a major-league pervert.

He lost his job. He almost lost his wife. He became the butt of every weiner-joke anyone has ever told.

Then he went to 'get help'. He went into seclusion to seek professional help for his addiction and to try to save his marriage.

Look, I'm not trying to make a mountain out of a molehill here. Bottom line is, the guy was being A GUY (i.e. a perv) and he got caught. The PROBLEM is that if you happen to be in the public eye, the scandal and embarrassment is much much worse.

So, in THAT respect, i feel for the guy. And a few months ago, when he had the guts to try to rebuild his life and run for Mayor of New York City, I had to give the guy some respect.

But then WHAT happens?


Nope! Through all the talk about rehabilitation, and forgiveness, and learning from his mistakes, this jackass kept on sexting chicks.

The only difference was that THIS time, he thought he was being super sneaky....

You see, THIS time, he didn't use his real name.

No sir! This time, he used the clever code-name of CARLOS DANGER.

Seriously. Carlos Danger. It sounds like something a 8 year old would name a Mexican Secret Agent.

But, whatever. At least the New York taxpayers got SOMETHING out of this scandal. The link HERE takes you to a Carlos Danger name generator, which will give you your very own Anthony Weiner-like name so you can begin your very OWN sexting adventures!

My name? Mateo Scourge!

I cant wait to send you chicks pictures of my hog under my new Nom De Plum!

But first, you've gotta go to that site and get your OWN sexting name.

You know, so we can do this all anonymous-like.

So, what's YOUR Name