Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Sweet Dreams Are NOT Made Of These....


I've written here about my dreams a few times over the years.

Some of the highlights that I've talked about:

- I taught myself to no longer have nightmares.  Haven't had one in 20 years.

- My recurring dream where I'm driving a car, out of control, in reverse

- The disappointing fact that i have NEVER ONCE had a dream where i 'seal the deal'

Generally speaking, my dreams are usually pretty fucked up.  It must be a sign of my stratospheric intelligence.  Yeah, that must be it.

Anyway, over the years, I've had bad dreams, good dreams, sad dreams, happy dreams.....

.... but I don't think I've ever had a FUNNIER dream that i had last night.

The dream started where i got kidnapped.

Someone puts a bag over my head, so i can't see, and throws me in the back of a van. 

Really funny so far, right?

After we travel for a bit, my kidnapper carries me somewhere and throws me into what feels like a basement.  I can hear what sounds like about a dozen other people in there with me, and it appears like we have ALL been kidnapped.

The kidnapper pulls the bag off my head, and i find myself in complete darkness.  I cannot see a thing.

Then i feel a gun put to the back of my head, and the kidnapper tells me:

"You all have ONE MINUTE to start doing something that you like to do with your hands, that makes you feel good..... you all KNOW what I'm talking about!"

So, there i was, in the dark, not believing what this sicko was asking me (and everyone else down there with me) to do.  I stood there, frozen.

"30 seconds!  You better all start doing something that makes you feel good!  Get going or I am going to blow off the head of anyone who isn't doing it!"

So, with my life on the line, i decide that its time to put my self respect aside.  Besides, as i said, the room was pitch dark.. i couldn't see a thing, so no one could see ME anyway.

I drop my pants, and begin to have a fun time with Big Willy.

I'm in the middle of going at it, when the kidnapper says:

"OK, on the count of three, i am going to turn the lights back on!  Do NOT stop what you are doing!  Anyone stopping will be shot!"

Fearing for my life, I keep going.....

The kidnapper then says:

"3.....2....1.... Turn on the lights!"

As the lights come on, i look around, pants around my ankles, to find that I am the only person in the room masturbating.  Everyone else is standing around doing needlepoint.

The kidnapper looks at me and says:

"What the Hell are you doing, you sick bastard!  Get your mind out of the gutter!"

Then I woke up.

I laid in bed at 4A.M. and laughed till i cried.

Even when I'm sleeping, I'm fun to be around.....

12 comments:

MarkD60 said...

You sicko! Needlepoint is the first thing I thought of too.

Slyde said...

im sure....

B.E. Earl said...

Needlepoint/needledick...whatever. Sometimes your psyche is psycho.

Nej said...

The part of your brain that decided everyone else was doing needlepoint is what scares me the most. :-)

Slyde said...

earl: you would know...

nej: hey, stranger! haven't seen u in ages!

2abes said...

It really sucks when your sex dreams only involve you and a crowd of needle pointers watching you. I'm not sure i'd want to know what it all means.

Heff said...

Earl took my needlepoint joke, so I gracefully BOW OUT.

Annabelle Archer said...

honey, you are not right in the head.

Cocaine Princess said...

You should sell the rights to the story to Hollywood!

Yvonne said...

Ahaha! Maybe, just maybe, you have repressed memories of longing to learn needlepoint as a young lad, but because of your studliness (yes, even back then you were a baby stud in the making, i'm sure) you put that longing away, deep into the confines of your memory, but since you didn't resolve it, it comes back to you in this silly dream of yours. Yeah, I'm sure that's what it means. The other part of the dream, you with your pants around your ankles and playing with yourself, that was just entertainment for everyone else. ha!

Brandy Wilcoxen said...

I've been having a lot of lesbian dreams...what could that mean I wonder...

AlleyCat said...

Needlepoint!!!!!!!!! bahahahahaha GOLD!