Generally speaking, my dreams are usually pretty fucked up. It must be a sign of my stratospheric intelligence. Yeah, that must be it.
Anyway, over the years, I've had bad dreams, good dreams, sad dreams, happy dreams.....
.... but I don't think I've ever had a FUNNIER dream that i had last night.
The dream started where i got kidnapped.
Someone puts a bag over my head, so i can't see, and throws me in the back of a van.
Really funny so far, right?
After we travel for a bit, my kidnapper carries me somewhere and throws me into what feels like a basement. I can hear what sounds like about a dozen other people in there with me, and it appears like we have ALL been kidnapped.
The kidnapper pulls the bag off my head, and i find myself in complete darkness. I cannot see a thing.
Then i feel a gun put to the back of my head, and the kidnapper tells me:
"You all have ONE MINUTE to start doing something that you like to do with your hands, that makes you feel good..... you all KNOW what I'm talking about!"
So, there i was, in the dark, not believing what this sicko was asking me (and everyone else down there with me) to do. I stood there, frozen.
"30 seconds! You better all start doing something that makes you feel good! Get going or I am going to blow off the head of anyone who isn't doing it!"
So, with my life on the line, i decide that its time to put my self respect aside. Besides, as i said, the room was pitch dark.. i couldn't see a thing, so no one could see ME anyway.
I drop my pants, and begin to have a fun time with Big Willy.
I'm in the middle of going at it, when the kidnapper says:
"OK, on the count of three, i am going to turn the lights back on! Do NOT stop what you are doing! Anyone stopping will be shot!"
Fearing for my life, I keep going.....
The kidnapper then says:
"3.....2....1.... Turn on the lights!"
As the lights come on, i look around, pants around my ankles, to find that I am the only person in the room masturbating. Everyone else is standing around doing needlepoint.
The kidnapper looks at me and says:
"What the Hell are you doing, you sick bastard! Get your mind out of the gutter!"