Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Brad Pitt Kills Things

I went to see World War Z this weekend.

It was pretty much a given that I'd see this film opening weekend, wasn't it?

After all, I've spoken about my man-love of zombies for years now. I don't know what it is about those adorable, shambling, undead cuties, but since i first saw the original Dawn of the Dead back in the 80's, i have loved loved LOVED me some zombie goodness.

My biggest gripe about zombies nowadays is that it's just not cool to like zombies anymore. Between the zombie TV shows, books, and movies EVERYWHERE you look nowadays, people are starting to roll their eyes and groan whenever a new zombie-themed project is announced.

Last year there was even a movie about a zombie/human LOVE STORY, for gosh sakes!

That's right, "zombies" are apparently the new "vampires".

But you know what? Fuck it. I'm staying on team Jacob (er... i mean, Undead). I've been a die-hard fan since the beginning, and i still love those cute rotting corpses too much to abandon them now.


In case you don't know, World War Z tells the story of a dude played by Brad Pitt (oooo, dreamy!), who finds himself at the center of a worldwide zombie outbreak.

First off, this movie is based off of the Max Brooks novel of the same name, which came out a few years back, that i fucking LOVED.

The issue that many people are having with the movie is that, except for the title, and the fact that people eat each other in it, this movie has absolutely NOTHING to do with the book. Nothing at all. I just don't understand why they would go to the trouble of securing the rights to what was a VERY popular and successful book, and then decide to throw the entire thing away. And believe me, this isn't me being nit picky..... NOTHING from the book, not storyline, nor characters, nor situations, occurs in the movie. It's just bizarre.

This is probably the part of my review where you would expect me to say i hated WWZ, but you know what?

It rocked!

I really really REALLY enjoyed World War Z. The zombies in this film are unlike anything we've seen before. Gone is the zombie behavior that we've grown to know and love.... zombies in the world of WWZ don't shamble over to their prey and begin slowly to dine on their victims brains.

No, the zombies in World War Z are a massive, chaotic ball of energy, exhibiting a virus-like hive mentality. Simply put, they run at you really fast, quickly bite you to infect you, and then jump away looking for their next victim. Ten seconds later, the newly bitten person turns into a zombie, and joins the group to begin biting on their own. It's an interesting take on a theme that has become kinda stale.

And damn, does it make for some great action scenes. The attacks on Philadelphia and Israel were so chaotic and fast paced that they put you on the edge of your seat.

The rumor is that Brad Pitt championed this film because he is one of the highest paid actors in history that doesn't have a film franchise under his belt, and this is planned to be a three-picture trilogy.

After seeing World War Z, that makes this little undead-lover a very happy camper indeed.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

If I Could Turn Back Time

My little man graduated Elementary school this week.

For even a macho man like myself, that little fact made me as teary-eyed as it made me proud.

I cannot BELIEVE that he will be moving on to Middle School in September. That CAN'T be right, can it? Surely not. I mean, i JUST dropped him off to Kindergarten YESTERDAY!

It sure as Hell FEELS like yesterday, anyway.

I remember that first day, walking him to school since the weather was so nice. Holding his little hand as we crossed the street. I remember him getting to school and deciding he was sick of carrying his knapsack and throwing it to the ground, defiantly telling the teacher aids, "I'm not carrying this anymore!".

I remember going to his school plays, his father-son gym nights, all of the school trips that i would chaperon since the teachers were ALWAYS overjoyed to have a man come along for a change to help take the boys to the rest rooms.

I remember going to parent teacher nights, and finding a note hidden in his desk, saying "I KNEW you would look in my desk to see how neat i was... i love you Daddy!"

I remember the countless nights of sitting with him, through his tears, trying to get him through some homework assignment that he kept telling himself he was "too stupid to understand". I assured him he was NOT stupid at all. In the end, I am happy to report that all assignments were completed, and done well.

I remember starting "Story Time" with him when he was 2 years old. I would read to him in bed at night. Every night. It is now 8 years later, and i STILL read to him every night, although i suspect he's starting to do it more for ME, than for him.

I remember the school fights, the tears, the awards, and the laughter......

I remember all of it....

And, for the life of me, I cannot BELIEVE how much of it has passed me by already.

The number one thing people tell you when you have a child is, "Cherish this time you have with them when they are small.. it goes by so fast!". Of course as a parent you understand this, but you really DON'T. Not until you one day look at your little one and wonder where the hell he went. Somewhere between the bruised knees, and countless rides on the Merry-Go-Rounds, and the nauseating morning cartoons, my little boy has grown up. Too fast for MY liking, but i couldn't stop it, no matter how hard i tried.

I've spoken countless times here about Mini-Me. He has the kindest, gentlest heart of any kid i have ever known. Sometimes i wonder if his big open heart will bring him unneeded heartache as he gets older and has to deal with other people in this world who will undoubtedly be not as loving. I worry that i should have toughened him up more.

But in the end, i don't think i would have done anything any differently. My little man is my best friend, and I am so proud and humbled to see the person he is becoming.

I just wish that it would all happen a tad more slowly.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Slyde's Pet Peeve #12 - Lemon In My Water

How many times has this happened to you?

You settle in to your favorite resturant, ready to enjoy a nice meal. The waitress comes over and plops down a nice basket of bread, and then she brings over a refreshing, ice cold pitcher of water.......

.... with slices of LEMON floating in it!

I fucking hate hate HATE lemon in my water! It gives the water a tart taste, which sucks.

The whole SELLING point of water, is that it is refreshing WITH NO TASTE! If you are going to add flavor to my water, i might as well just have a Budweiser, which is about as close to flavored water as you can get anyway, next to a lemon.

And if you absolutely HAVE TO put something in my water......... a LEMON? Really? What happened? Did you run out of gizzards or old socks?

Oh, maybe it's just me. After all, on a hot summer day, you cant turn around without seeing some young tyke sitting on the curb, sucking down on a big, moist lemon.

Wait, you DON'T see people chomping down on lemons?

Oh right, of COURSE you dont!

Wanna know why? It's because lemons taste like shit. The only thing lemons are good for are for squeezing onto my shrimp cocktail, or for inserting into my rectum.

Hey, i have to think of SOMETHING to do with myself on rainy days....

Tuesday, June 04, 2013

Bill Hader Will Be Missed

Last month, Bill Hader ended his 8 year run on Saturday Night Live.

I've mentioned my inexplainable love affair with SNL many times. I don't understand why, but i NEVER miss an episode.

For the past few years, Bill Hader has been a big part of that. He is one talented mother-fucker, and i am going to miss seeing him every week.

I think what i liked best about Hader was when he would break down and laugh himself silly during a sketch. It kinda reminded me of the old Tim Conway/Harvey Korman bits on the Carol Burnett Show.

Anyway, here is an unaired clip of Hader and Fred Armisson (who also left SNL this year) during a dress rehearsal for a skit that ended up never being aired, maybe because these two guys just couldnt get thru it without completely losing their shit.

The skit isnt too funny, and WAAAY too long, but dammit i chuckle everytime i see these guys lose it.

I'll miss ya, Bill.