Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Make 'Em Laugh

Let's talk about something that really irritates me....

And no, I'm not talking about sandpaper on my genitals.... The secret THERE is if you rub the paper in a counterclockwise motion, there is hardly ANY residual scarring.

No, I'm talking about people in your life who don't know the first thing about how to be funny, but THINK that they are fucking HYSTERICAL!

Now, maybe i should be a bit more understanding. After all, the gods have granted me the gift of being pee-your-pants funny. All my life, its been my blessing, and my curse. Typically, God only grants the gift of humor to ugly people, to help them compensate for the fact that people are repulsed by them when they walk into a room, but for some reason, God double-dipped with me and not only made me blazingly quick-witted, but devastatingly handsome. It's really not fair to the rest of you. I'm not complaining, mind you, but i cant help thinking that because i was granted a double dose of perfection, some poor slob who was after me in line might have gotten neither humor NOR looks. What a poor, miserable life that person must be living....

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah, being funny.

The point being, it drives me absolutely batty when someone who doesn't have ONE funnybone in his body tries to be funny. Badly.

I have an aquaintance who suffers from this affliction and i just want to hit him over the head with a lead pipe every time he spews out one of his lame attempts at levity.

Me: I have to blow off the meeting today.

Him: You do?

Me: Yeah. Yes, I do.

Him: I bet you enjoy that, don't you?

Me:   -sigh-

Him: I said i bet you like blowing off the meeting.....

Me: Yeah, i heard you.

Him: You like "Blowing Stuff"!

Me: Yeah, i really do.

Him: I'm talking about blowjobs! Hee hee!

Me: Yeah, i know.

Him: I'm saying that you like giving them.

Me: I GET IT!!!


Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

Guess you could have said "blow me" at the end so you could have the last word.

Slyde said...

i dont think he can handle that level of witty repartee.

Unknown said...

I feel ya!!

At one of my two office locations there is a guy who works the front desk, he is COMPLETELY without humor, of any sort. Having any interactions with this guy is agony for me.

We all eat lunch together, and if he's the only or first one to the dining room, I leave and come back so that I don't have to be alone with him, stuck having awkward and humorless conversations.

MarkD60 said...

I know one joke, and I just try to find people I haven't told it to yet. That is the purpose of my existence.

Heff said...

Personally, I'm blowing off this post, and I'm really enjoying THAT, too.

Bruce Johnson said...

Forget the lead pipe, take the sandpaper to his genitals in a 'clockwise' motion.......preferably clockwise with an orbital sander.

Slyde said...

anna: i bet we'd have alot to talk about on our lunch hours...

mark: you've never told it to ME!!!

heff: now thats just mean.

bruce: Clockwise? are you crazy? Thats just nuts!

Verdant Earl said...

That dude knows you and your blowing stuff ways so well. Bravo!

Slyde said...

ya know, when I wrote this, I WAS going to confess to the world that YOU were the unfunny prick in question, but I decided to spare you...

Yvonne said...

bahaha, that was bad. next time laugh hysterically for five minutes and then stop suddenly. i do it all the time to my non-funny friends. they find it irritating. see? win/win.

so, "god double-dipped" huh? lmao, you're such a dork!!! :)