Thursday, February 07, 2013

Muy Caliente!

One of the unfortunate side effects of being a hot blooded Sicilian is that i love spicy food.

I mean REALLY spicy.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE to put hot sauce on my meals.  The hotter, the better.  In the past year or so, I've kinda taken my obsession to the next level, buying all sorts of exotic sauces that each promise "XXX Hot Flavor!"

I've also gotten more liberal with the foods i pour it on.  In the beginning, i would reserve my hot sauce collection for nights when we ate taco's, or chili... that sort of stuff.

But, as time as marched on, I've begun experimenting.  No, not THAT kind of experimenting... i got THAT out of my system by my Junior year of college.

I'm talking about experimenting with pouring my hot sauce on other culinary treats.  At first, I'd put it on steak, or burgers.  Then, i started putting it on my mash potatoes, or stuffing.  It's now gotten to the point where, before i eat anything, i at least CONSIDER the idea of how gross it might be to put hot sauce on it.

Now, you might think that this fetish of mine is no big deal, but it is in fact causing me a huge problem.

The problem, you see, is with Friz.

Friz, is an awesome cook.  I have to give it to the gal.  But, where the kitchen is concerned, she has one fatal flaw.... she is SUCH a perfectionist in the kitchen, that she considers it an insult to her cooking when i put hot sauce on things that she thinks should be "Hot Sauce Free".

At first, it was funny to watch her get all pissed off when i dabbed some hot sauce on her pork chops, but as time has gone on and I've gotten more and more adventurous with where i spew my sauce, she has been getting genuinely pissed off at me.  It's been making meal time especially stressful.

I wanted to paint you all an accurate portrait of what's been going on in the Slyde household at dinnertime, so i hired a professional sketch artist to observe us at dinner and draw an exact portrayal of one of our typical dinners.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the blogosphere, i present to you now that completely realistic portrait:

As you can see, the artist captured PERFECTLY how happy it makes me to put hot sauce on my meal.  You can also see the nasty stink-eye that Friz is giving me for "ruining" her meal.

So, what say you, peeps? 

Should i continue to enjoy my meals as i see fit, or should i bite the bullet and enjoy my meal a little less just to make the poor gal happy?

P.S.  I'm not sure if you can glean it from the photo above, but i have an incredibly large dong.....


Heff said...

Rivaled ONLY BY MY OWN !!!

I put hot sauce on my 'taters as well, but I refuse to fuck up a perfectly grilled steak.

Cocaine Princess said...

Being latina I LOVE spicy food and hot sauce & yes the hotter the better! My favorite is drizzling it on pizza. Yum!!

Anonymous said...

I never really cared that after spewing my sauce everywhere, my girl would always want to play "see food" with it before she swallowed it, or try to get me to try it on MY food. Silly girls.

Slyde said...

heff: its AWESOME on steak! Give it a go!

Cocaine: i have not tried it on pizza yet, but damn i WILL the next time i have me some!

Bama: Heeeeeey, i think you're talking about something altogether different!

Verdant Earl said...

Here is what you do. Instead of smothering everything she cooks in hot sauce, get yourself a little ramekin. It's a small ceramic bowl big enough to hold a few ounces. Put some hot sauce in it, and then you can dip occasional bites in it to satisfy your need for heat. And it doesn't screw up her food or presentation...which you should at least try without the hot sauce first anyway.

Basically, in my relationship, I'm like your wife and Gia is like you. I make all of our dinners and season them perfectly. She uses everything from hot sauce, bbq sauce and (god forbid) ketchup to mess it up. But she does it by the above method, and I'm fine with it.

Dr Zibbs said...

I'm with you pencil dick.

Also my favorite heat is from the long hot (pepper) but it's a mystery because some aren't that hot.

Chris H said...

I'm of the opinion that if that is how you like your meals, then you should be 'allowed' to add your hot sauce.
It is you, after all, that is going to eat it. Why should you forego using the sauce if that is what you want?
You are an adult, and as such can eat your meals how ever you like.
If it pisses Fizz off, well talk to her and explain that while you LOVE her meals, you really love the hot sauce and you are adding it because you love it!
I smother my salad in dressing, I use far too much, but no one gets mad at me cos it's how I like it.

I'm sure I've seen a picture like that before, you just regurgitated it I think!

Chantel said...

When it comes to XXX, where was I? Oh yeah, I'm totally with Earl on this one. Once knew a dude who put ketchup on EVERYTHING--pancakes to pizza. He wanted to date me and was WAAAAY hot, but all I could think was, "Is he gonna want it with ketchup?"

Diverse tastes, good times?

Slyde said...

earl: i always suspected that you were the girl in your relationship

zibs: its a number TWO pencil!

chrish: i totally agree

Chantel: ah, remember those summer days when we'd just lounge around for hours on your hammock, pouring ketchup all over each other? good times...

2abes said...

So Earl is a lot like Friz....explains alot!