Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Pronunciation Is Important

High school was embarrassing

Not for ME, mind you... but for other people.  I was the captain of the football team, the prom king, and i was banging cheerleaders two at a time.

But for OTHER, lesser kids?  Yeah, it was rough.

I mentioned a few weeks back how i wasn't really very into music when i was in young.  I'm not sure why, but at the time it just seemed more important to play my Atari and watch Falcon Crest.

As you might guess, not being into what the "cool" kids are into, can get you into some embarrassing situations.  The high point (LOW point?  whatever) for me was when some kids, who knew that i didn't know much about music, came up to me and asked me how many people were in the Beatles, and i said "Three".  For the next week i wanted to just curl up and die from all the shit i took every day.

But, as you might remember from your OWN experiences in high school, you are only a target for humiliation until someone ELSE does something stupid, and then the hot potato mercifully travels with THEM for a while.

Thankfully, after what became known as the Great Beatles Incident, two weeks later MY hot potato was thrown to my friend Ricky.

Ricky was like me.  Not as devilishly handsome, of course, but he was another kid who would rather sit home and play with his Intellevision than run out to buy the latest record.  That being the case, both Ricky and I both spent a good deal of every day pretending to know SOMETHING about music whenever the other kids brought it up.

But one day, poor Ricky decided to take it one step further, and it cost him.

Being a child of the 80's, you were the epitome of "Cool" if you wore a denim jacket, and had your favorite band painted on the back.  All i saw every day on my one mile walk home from school were dozens of kids with denim jackets on, proclaiming their undieing devotion to either Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, Asia, or any other number of bands from back in the day.

Well, one day my friend Ricky decided that he had had ENOUGH of the name-calling, and decided to get into music at last.

Of course, being the lazy shit he was, he didn't really want to LISTEN to any music.  He just wanted to present the ILLUSION that he listened to music.

So, he went to our local mall, and bought a denim jacket with Lynyrd Skynyrd emblazoned on the back.

Ricky wore his new jacket all day with pride.  He soaked in every compliment he got, no doubt thinking that that had been the best investment he had ever made.

Until later that day, when we were walking home from school.

A group of the local high school lowlifes approached us while walking.  I sensed trouble right away, but my naive friend Ricky, obviously thinking that his new jacket could act as a deflector shield to his previous taunting, walked up to them and began talking.

"Nice Jacket, Rick."

"Thanks guys!"

"Where did you get it?  We've never heard you talk about music before.... we think maybe you just borrowed that jacket from somebody"

"Me?  No way guys!  Lynyrd Skynyrd is my favorite band!"

The problem was, he didnt say "Lynyrd Skynyrd".....

He said, "LIE-Nard, SKY-Nard".

The look on these guys faces couldn't have been more clear.  It looked like someone had just thrown a gallon of chum in the water

Needless to say, the ass-kicking Ricky got that day ensured the fact that the offending jacket was NEVER ever seen or mentioned again.

I felt bad for him, of course....

... but I'd be lieing if i didn't admit that my FIRST thought that day was, "Thank GOD i didn't buy that REO Speedwagon jacket!"

So let that be a lesson to all you young kids out there.....

.... If you are going to pretend to be an authority on something, for God's sake make sure you can fucking pronounce it!


Verdant Earl said...

Pink Floyd. Black Sabbath. Asia. Wait...what?

"I mean, seriously, Asia?
You framed an Asia poster?
How hard did the people at the frame store laugh...
when you brought this in?
They did not laugh at me.
Know why you're gay? Because you like Asia."

Heff said...

Ok, Earl beat me to the Asia joke, Lol.

I'd always fuck with people using THIS ONE -

Heff : "Hey, do you like Molly Hatchet's music ?"

Random Idiot : "Yeah, she's hot, and an awesome singer"


Slyde said...

screw the two of you! Asia was big in the 80's, and you both KNOW IT!

and i never framed a poster, fucktard.. i just said they were popular...

Verdant Earl said...

It's from The 40-Year Old Virgin. I don't even know you anymore...

And Asia always sucked. Even when they were huge in the 80's. Now, as Heff points out, Molly Hatchett was the tits! Not every band can get away with Frank Frazetta album covers. Ba-dum-dum-dum-yeah!!!

Slyde said...

you never knew me at all, did you? thats why we broke up...

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Yvonne said...

Asia? Bahahaha They're right up there with Toto. Ugh! At least you're modest. ;)

2abes said...

forget mis-pronuciations of band names....you could write for a month about mistaken lyrics....

Dr Zibbs said...

Haha! Excellent. And who was the idiot that was into Asia???

Dr Zibbs said...


Mrs. Hall said...

i had a similiar problem. i was more of an alternative girl but couldn't for the LIFE OF ME GET INTO REM or any alternative bands.

so i developed a pretty health tori amos obsession and called it a day.

i still have problems getting into bands/music.

getting better though. slowly.

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