Monday, December 31, 2012

Another One Bites The Dust....

Hey, remember last January when I, along with a gazillion other mopes, made some New Years Resolutions?

Specifically, I promised everyone that i would put up more posts this year than last year.

Well, it appears that i, along with those gazillion of mopes out there, have once again broken another resolution.

So, i ended up coming up slighly short this year in terms of my goal, but at least i made a good run of it and came close.  This morning I was tempted to put up 20, 1-word posts just to be a prick, but then i remembered that i am most definitely NOT a prick, no matter what everyone else says.

Plus, i am headed out to a big New Years bash in about 2 hours, and even though i havent gotten dressed yet or even applied my eyeliner, i STILL took the time to sit my ass down and put up one last post for good ol' 2012.

Anyway, here's hoping that you all have an awesome 2013.  You are the bestest, most loyal blogohphiles a boy like me could hope to have.  If you were here right now, i'd sashay on up to you and plant a big ol' wet one right on your kisser.  Plus, i might even slip you a little tongue.

And after being home from work for the past 2 1/2 weeks, i'll hopefully get the year off to a good start next week and get back to a regular posting schedule.

Because, and i PROMISE this time, i'm gonna post more NEXT year than THIS year.....

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Do Something Good Today....

Go hug your kids.....

Just a little bit of love to take away some of the bad this weekend....

Absolutely sick this weekend.  I cannot watch any more news of this horror.....

Thursday, December 13, 2012

What the Hell, Nick Cage?

If you're like me, you think Nick Cage is about a razor's edge away from being completely bat-shit crazy.

But again, if you're like me, you feel compelled to keep watching his crappy movies.....

And for the last time, if you're like me, you think that the Japanese have lost their marbles when it comes to television and the wacky shit they put on the air over there.

Anyway, take those three items, stir 'em up all together in a big heapin' Pot Of Crazy, and what do you get?

A Japanese commercial starring Nick Cage, selling........


..... well, FUCK if i know, honestly. 

I mean, I've seen some weird shit before on TV, and i know that the Japanese go ape-shit for putting big American celebrities in wacky television spots, but i DO think that this one might take the cake.

And in case you haven't noticed, I've been on kind of a kick lately with watching a lot of wacky television commercials, and i just stumbled on this gem.

Plus, if i'm being honest with you (and why would I stop being honest with you all NOW, after all the embarrassing shit i've spilled on here over the years), doing posts like these are REAAAAALLY easy.  I don't have to think much at all, or put in any real effort.

.... Just like when I'm at work.

... or in bed!

Monday, December 10, 2012

Your First........

No, I’m not talking about THAT first……

That’s a rude and insensitive question. We don’t degrade ourselves with such potty talk around here. This is all highbrow shit.

No, I’m talking about the first album you ever owned.

C’mon, think back. Surely you remember the first album that you ever went out to a store to purchase.
And the first young fuck who tells me that albums weren’t sold anymore when they were first buying music so they bought CD’s will get a donkey punch right in the hoo-ha from yours truly.

Regardless, for the purposes of our discussion, your first CD will work, too. I just want to know what the first bit of music you ever owned was.

The reason I’m bringing this up is because I was hanging out with some friends the other day and we were discussing this very topic, and much to my horror, I was forced to dig up from my subconscious that the first album I ever owned was this….

Yes, that’s right.

Funkytown, performed by Lipps, Inc, was the first album I ever owned. I used to sit in my basement, with my old turntable, and play this record just so I could hear those motivationally inspiring words “Won’t you take me to…. FUNKY-TOWWWWWN!”, over and over and over again.

Yes, I know. Quite embarrassing. I’m man enough to admit that I owned this steaming pile of horse hucky.

But I DO have a defense:

1) It was purchased for me as a birthday gift from a friend, so I did not buy it for myself, which should count for SOMETHING. The fact that he bought it for me because I loved the song and would sing it all day probably negates any positive light I could spin on this fact.

2) In 1980, the disco crazy was still pretty much in full swing. Ok, maybe it was on the decline a bit, but there were still a lot of people doing The Hustle out there.

3) This album was my first musical acquisition, it’s true, but the second album I ever owned was Queen’s “The Game”, and then I followed THAT up with my third album, Ozzy Ozzborne’s “Diary Of A Madman”, so I should at least get some street cred back for those other two.

Anyway, that’s my defense. While I am indeed embarrassed that the fine folks of Lipps Inc were the ones that popped my musical cherry, I DO have to admit that when I hear this song, even to this day, it brings a smile to my face because it brings me back to my parents basement, and that old warbly turntable, and to a 11 year old Slyde who didn’t yet know a damn thing about anything, even if I thought I did.

So, step right up and embarrass yourself with me....... who was YOUR first?

Tuesday, December 04, 2012

The Cars

My neighbors are fucking killing me.

There are 2 homes directly across the street from me.  They belong to two sisters, and their respective families.

House # 1 is occupied by one sister, her husband, their 2 kids, their tenant, and her boyfriend.

Each one of them has their own car.  And just to top it off, the husband has a second car…  A sweet looking vintage Mustang that he has restored.

House # 2 is occupied by the other sister, her husband, their 3 kids, and THEIR tenant.

Each one of them has THEIR own damn car, too.  Plus, Husband # 2 owns a delivery business, so he often has 2 small trucks that he parks in his driveway.

Now, I’m not a math whizz, and lord knows that I don’t have enough fingers for me to do some PROPER counting, but the last time I checked, that was 15 FUCKING CARS that are parked directly across the street from me!

And, since none of us has the last name of ‘Rockefeller’, you would be correct in assuming that neither of them have a driveway NEARLY large enough to accommodate this travelling road show.

So, they fill up their driveways, and then the runoff cars are parked up and down the length of the block.  When their kids have friends over (which is often), they merrily continue the cavalcade with THEIR damn cars up and down the block, on either their side of the street, or lined up in front of my house.

I’m not the kind of person who really gives a shit what people do with their own stuff, but when you park your fucking cars directly across from my damn driveway, it gets my goat.  I have to make a fucking 6 point turn just to get out of my driveway so I can go get a fucking Slurpee.

And I NEED my damn Slurpee.

It’s driving me crazy. 

I swear, one day I am going to just lose it and peel out of my driveway doing 50 in reverse and plow into the lot of them.

That’ll show ‘em!