Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I'm All Wet


It’s not easy being THIS good looking AND always being right.

But, such is the cross that I have to bear.  Sometimes, it starts to get to me.

Like this past weekend.

On Sunday afternoon, Friz asked me to do the dishes.  Like any good metro-sexual dude, I was happy to comply.

The problem with Friz is that she is a complete control freak, and no sooner does she ask me to do something, than she feels the urge to stick her nose in it and show me how I’m doing it wrong.

This time was no different.

Every few minutes, she felt the need to scootch next to me and “re-wash” something that I apparently wasn’t smart enough to wash correctly myself.  The first few times, I took it with a grain of salt.  After all, I KNEW long ago that I married a perfectionist….. she married ME, didn’t she?

Anyway, her constant intrusions got more and more annoying until, during one of her re-washings, she accidently splashed water all over my shirt.

“Hey!”, I smartly said.

“Oh.  Sorry”.  Then she turned her back on me like she was the exact OPPOSITE of sorry.

So I said to her, “Not for anything, but if it was ME who accidentally got YOU wet, I wouldn’t hear the end of it.”
“That’s not true.  I could care less if you splashed me or not.”

“Bullshit.  That is SO not true.  You would wig out like a little girl and stop talking to me.”

“It’s NOT bullshit.  It’s only water.  I could care less if it had happened to me.  Stop being a baby.”

The thing is, I KNEW she was full of it.  This was coming from someone who uses an umbrella even if it just MIGHT rain soon, in the fear that if she doesn’t, her hair might get a speckle of water on it when she wasn’t completely ready for it.

So, knowing her like only I do, I did the only thing I could to win the argument.

I put my fingers under the running faucet, and then I ‘flicked’ her.

I think it would be a generous assessment if FIVE drops of water ended up getting on her.

Five.

I then proceeded to get called every damn name in the book.  Apparently I am an asshole.  I am also immature, and a shithead.  Some of the things she called me, I hadn’t even ever heard before.  Can anyone loan me a thesaurus?

All I know is that I won the argument.  If SHE had gotten doused, she WOULD  get fucking pissed.

She didn’t talk to me all day.

It was a nice change of pace……..

24 comments:

Heff said...

I'm THERE, dude.

I'm apparently the biggest asshole on the planet, and have a PHD in EVERYTHING except how to figure out a woman, of course.

It's good to be RIGHT all the time.

BamaTrav said...

Well, Slyde, I had no idea I did that to you but....being a man of astounding good looks myself, I could see how I got you all wet.

B.E. Earl said...

As the resident Slydesblog historian, ahem, I love that you able to find blog fodder from your daily act of doing dishes. This being your third blog post on the subject. Well done, sir. Well done.

At least this one doesn't include a naked representation of the dish-washing stud.

Slyde said...

heff: it iS, isnt it?

bama: What can i say? you've got me all squishy....

earl: you know what? i sat here for 10 minutes trying to figure out a way i could add a picture of my hog into this, but i couldnt find a work-around....

Choleesa said...

your wife sounds like my husband...

I would have thrown a glassful of water, knowing that a a few drops would get the same reaction as a bucket full....

If your gonna do it, do it right!

Mrs. Hall said...

i have a rule. if i'm doing a chore and you give me more then 2 instructions, it then becomes your job!

mmm hmmm. that's right! i said it!!

Mrs. Hall said...

i have a rule. if i'm doing a chore and you give me more then 2 instructions, it then becomes your job!

mmm hmmm. that's right! i said it!!

Yvonne said...

Ha! I used to do that to my ex-bf all the time when I was washing dishes. It was opposite of your situation. He was the neat freak, controlling, er, I mean perfectionist and I was the "let's hurry up and get this shit done!" kind of gal. Many a night he slept on the couch because he was teaching ME a lesson about what an immature little bitch I was for getting him wet. Ahh the memories...

Happy Mommy said...

Why do people choose relationships that have these kinds of fights in them? Why would you choose to enjoy your partner's ire? I don't get it. On the other hand, I don't get re-washing, or being upset about water, and I'm with Mrs. Hall - if you want me to do something, let me do it. If you're going to micro-manage how I fold towels, you'll fold all the towels we ever use. Forever.

Slyde said...

chol: maybe we should get the 2 of them together sometime....

Holly: thats a fine rule to have.. i may adopt it myself!

yvonne: so this happens to OTHER people, too? who woulda thunk it?

happy: well, thats kinda the point i was making. I think she got mad mostly because i was being immature to prove my point. Generally, we get along like aces..

Dr Zibbs said...

Asshole.

Chris H said...

I'm bloody sure I've said this before ... you are a shit.
Thing is...If I'd been Fizz I would have walked out, found a bucket, filled it with water and dumped it over your head.
That would have been fun.

Come to think of it... I HAVE done that to some of my kids.
And I've dragged the water hose inside and turned it on a kid too.
See... I don't mind water at all!

Chris H said...

Did I ever tell you what I did with one of the boy's BB guns?

You really don't want to know.

meleah rebeccah said...

dude, you crack me up!

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