It’s not easy being THIS good looking AND always being right.
But, such is the cross that I have to bear. Sometimes, it starts to get to me.
Like this past weekend.
On Sunday afternoon, Friz asked me to do the dishes. Like any good metro-sexual dude, I was happy to comply.
The problem with Friz is that she is a complete control freak, and no sooner does she ask me to do something, than she feels the urge to stick her nose in it and show me how I’m doing it wrong.
This time was no different.
Every few minutes, she felt the need to scootch next to me and “re-wash” something that I apparently wasn’t smart enough to wash correctly myself. The first few times, I took it with a grain of salt. After all, I KNEW long ago that I married a perfectionist….. she married ME, didn’t she?
Anyway, her constant intrusions got more and more annoying until, during one of her re-washings, she accidently splashed water all over my shirt.
“Hey!”, I smartly said.
“Oh. Sorry”. Then she turned her back on me like she was the exact OPPOSITE of sorry.
So I said to her, “Not for anything, but if it was ME who accidentally got YOU wet, I wouldn’t hear the end of it.”
“That’s not true. I could care less if you splashed me or not.”
“Bullshit. That is SO not true. You would wig out like a little girl and stop talking to me.”
“It’s NOT bullshit. It’s only water. I could care less if it had happened to me. Stop being a baby.”
The thing is, I KNEW she was full of it. This was coming from someone who uses an umbrella even if it just MIGHT rain soon, in the fear that if she doesn’t, her hair might get a speckle of water on it when she wasn’t completely ready for it.
So, knowing her like only I do, I did the only thing I could to win the argument.
I put my fingers under the running faucet, and then I ‘flicked’ her.
I think it would be a generous assessment if FIVE drops of water ended up getting on her.
I then proceeded to get called every damn name in the book. Apparently I am an asshole. I am also immature, and a shithead. Some of the things she called me, I hadn’t even ever heard before. Can anyone loan me a thesaurus?
All I know is that I won the argument. If SHE had gotten doused, she WOULD get fucking pissed.
She didn’t talk to me all day.
It was a nice change of pace……..