Thursday, August 02, 2012

Ocupado!


So, the other day I walked in on some chick going to the bathroom.

It was NOT everything I dreamed it would be.

Honestly, I was more pissed off than anything else that this stupid asshat didn’t think to lock the damn door before she decided to drop her bloomers in a house full of people.

But what REALLY baffles me is what she said as I was opening the door on her.

Now, think about yourselves for a minute, and how YOU might handle someone suddenly walking into the bathroom as you were in the middle of doing your business….

I know I don’t speak for EVERYONE, but I would hazard a guess that if I were sitting on the toilet, and someone walked  in on me, I might utter something like one of THESE possible phrases:

“Hey, I’m in here!”

“Close the door!”

“It’s Occupied, fucker!”

“Does anyone else find Dick Cheney Hot?”

Ok, maybe that last one isn’t something I would yell out loud.  I’d probably just keep that one to my private thoughts…..

But, you get the point, right?

If someone was about to walk in on you, you would like to think that it would elicit an APPROPRIATE response.

You wana know what I heard as I opened the bathroom door?

“Hi!  Hi!  Hi!  Hi!”

Seriously, what the fuck is that?

Honestly, as I was opening the door and heard someone saying “HI”, all I did was look around to see who was saying “Hi” to me.  When I didn’t see anyone, I kept on truckin’ into the bathroom…..

…. Where I got QUITE the unexpected eyeful.

Even weirder, when she finally came out of the bathroom, she just walked past me without saying a word.  If it was ME who had just gotten walked in on, I would have at least acknowledged that the other person just saw me naked from the waist-down.  I would probably make an incredibly witty joke about it.  Then, we would all laugh like schoolgirls for hours.  I’m brilliant, as you know.

But how awesome I am is neither here nor there for the purposes of this discussion. 

Next time, just lock the damn bathroom door, or at the very least, prepare yourself with a retort that makes some sense and is applicable to the fucking situation.

Cause next time, I’m continuing on in and just sitting down on her lap…..

20 comments:

Choleesa said...

bahahahahaha,

when you walked in you should have continued the conversation from "Hi"

"how are you"
"Whats up?"

"whatcha doin'"

hilarious.

Slyde said...

yeah, in retrospect, that would have been better than just cursing at her and slamming the door.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

As long as your don't pee on her.

Slyde said...

She better HOPE that's all i do on her...

Dr Zibbs said...

Haha. What a dummy. I use, "Somebody's in here!"

"Somebody." I guess I think "I'm" in here makes me think they know who I am.

Heff said...

Whenever I dream of that scenario, the woman's always TOPLESS, TOO ?!?

Go figure.

Slyde said...

zibbs: thats another completely acceptable response

heff: trust me, you wouldnt want to see this girl topless

Chris H said...

Stupid response.... for a girl!
I would have said "Piss off, I'm in here" at the very least!

Chris H said...

Actually, no I wouldn't, cos I would have locked the freakin door.

sybil law said...

Hahahaha
You're both stupid.
;)

MarkD60 said...

I asked 100 women which shampoo they prefer. The number one answer was "How the fuck did you get in my bathroom?"

Chantel said...

Slyde, admit it--you were hoping I was in there. (wicked grin) Then again, I'm a door locker, with three boys in my house that always have a gaggle of pals about, it's a self preservation thing.

"Hi, hi, hi..." LMFAO

Anonymous said...

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN
Why American men should boycott American women

http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/

I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

Tens of millions of American men have had their lives completely destroyed by American women through the following crimes:

1. False rape accusations (it has been proven that up to 80 percent of rape accusations are FALSE)

2. False domestic violence (DV) charges (same as above)

3. Financial destruction of men in divorce courts through alimony and support payments (women get up to 95 percent of their ex-husband's income and savings, as well as the house, car, etc)

4. Emotional destruction of men by ex-wives who have stolen their children from them and forbidden the fathers from having custody or contact with their own children

5. Divorced dads who commit suicide as a result

Not one single American woman has EVER condemned their fellow American women for committing these crimes against men. Silence means consent. Therefore, American women support and enjoy destroying men's lives and causing men to commit suicide. Apparently, American women think it is okay to be a criminal, just as long as you are a woman. Therefore, is it any surprise that a huge percent of American men no longer want anything to do with American women, other than using them for easy sex and then throwing them away?

A few more reasons to stay away from American women?

-25 percent of American women take psychiatric drugs for mental illnesses.
-25 percent of women under the age of 30 have at least one STD.
-85 percent of divorces in America are INITIATED by women, thus women are responsible for the vast majority of divorces.
-70 percent of criminals in America were raised by single mothers, thus feminism is responsible for most crime in America.
-The majority of child molestation, child abuse, and child murder in America is done by WOMEN.

Over 50 percent of American women are single, without a boyfriend or husband; so the fact is most American men no longer want to marry American women. Let these worthless American women grow old living alone with their 10 cats.

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

Slyde said...

chris: 'piss off' would have definitely gotten my attention...

sybil: yeah, right? wait, what?

mark: THAT was fucking funny!

chant: i'm ALWAYS hoping you were in there...

anon: consider them boycotted, ok?

CPalermo21 said...

You're really making a habit of this, eh?

Slyde said...

hopefully not. it was just the one time...

B.E. Earl said...

I must have scrolled past this one in my feed reader last week. Too bad. I love a good shit stall story.

SK Waller said...

Help, Slyde! I've taken my blog private and I have no email address to send your invitation to. It just wouldn't be the same in there without your sexy vibe! ;)

Anonymous said...

How about EADIITORL DLIHGET?
Is that BOYCOTTED ,too?
TED SEA- ASEASE?
With BILLY GUNN?

Slyde said...

steph: my email addy is at the bottom of my main page. Def send me an invite :)