Monday, August 20, 2012

Do You Like Scary Stories?

Yeah, i most assuredly DO realize that i just mangled the most famous line from the Scream movies, but my post wouldnt make sense if i left it the original way.

Wait, do my posts USUALLY make sense?

Ok, getting off track.....

First off, sorry for the long bout between posts.  I have been away for a bit, tanning my ass in the sunny world of Florida, and catching up with my dad.  I took Mini-Me along, and we had a great time.  It was nice to get away for a bit.

Anyway, about Mini-Me.....

Mini-Me loves me.  Of course he does... what's not to love?  He loves me SO much that, starting about a year ago, he and I starting having sleepovers on friday or saturday nights.  Him and I sleep in the guest bedroom together.  He takes his sleeping blanket and sleeps on the floor, because the first few times we tried sleeping in the same bed together and after somehow getting kicked in the face repeatedly every few hours, i told him it was the floor, or nothing.

It's actually very cute.  Every weekend, we walk to 7-11 together and we get Slurpees.  Then we watch a movie together.  When bed time comes, the aforementioned sleeping blanket comes out and he settles in for the night......

.... but he demands that i tell him a story before we go to bed.

In the beginning, he wanted to hear stories about me when i was a kid.  That went well, but after a few months, i ran out of stories.  At least the ones i could tell him.  There's a whole slew of "18 and over" stories that i'm saving for my memiors.

Anyway, when those stories ran out, he asked me to start making up stories.  I guess because i'm a sick fuck, the stories that i made up quickly devolved into horror stories.  But the funny thing was, he LOVED THEM!  I mean seriously... the more twisted i would make them, the more he enjoyed it.  Sometimes, i'd just tell a version of a popular horror movie, and sometimes the story came completely from my own pretty head, but no matter what, he always wanted more.

The problem started when my pretty head ran out of stories.  Mini-Me still wanted his weekly story, but for some reason he felt cheated when my story devolved into "Well, ..... there was this kid, see, and he had a haunted.... a haunted..... um....... hey, i'm tired... can we just get to sleep, please?"

Anyway, needing to come up with scary shit right quick, i Googled "scary stories" and came up with a site that collects spooky campfire stories.  So far, that has been a big hit, and they've got enough stories to keep me going for a bit.  I simply read to myself one before we go to bed, and then that night when we are all snug in our covers, I've been going all Edgar Allan Poe and shit.  It's been a home run!

But, at the rate i'm going, this website is not going to be able to keep me going forever. 

In short, i am jonesing for a new supplier, man. 

I need it bad.  I'll do anything just for that next fix to get me through another night.

So, can any of you degenerates hook me up so i get my fix?  I'm starting to get the shakes here....

If this were one of my typical posts, this is the part where i'd tell you that i'd suck your dick for another hit, but since i'm talking about my kid here, i'll keep this one clean and wholesome.

Fuck.

6 comments:

B.E. Earl said...

I think you should start building a long tale about your encounters with your personal Moriarty and his Punisher-clad girlfriend. Every Friday could be a new chapter in how he screwed you over from meeting Peter David.

Oh, and nice Dead Alive/Brain Dead reference there at the end.

Slyde said...

you are the only one who could get that...

(well, maybe Badgerdaddy, too)

Chantel said...

Can't you just pick up a novel--something creepy--and read him a chapter each night? It will keep him in suspense...

(and your sleepovers are darling) xo

Slyde said...

we do that, too. But the scary story thing is something i tell him with the lights off, as he's falling asleep. If the lights were on and i was reading, it would spoil it for him...

Dr Zibbs said...

Well what's the name of the website?

Slyde said...

i have it at home in my favorite, but off the top of my head, i think it was Americanfolklore.net.

from there, there is a scary story link or something like that...