Why is it that I have yet to meet a woman who can turn off a light when they aren’t using it?
It’s really fucking aggravating. Fritz will come home from work, and you would certainly not have to be fucking C.S.I. to figure out her exact path through the house.
No, all you would have to do is start at our front door, and follow the trail of light fixtures that have been turned on. Oh, and bring your fucking sunglasses because it’s about to get mighty bright up in here!
I mean seriously, I am the furthest thing in the world from a skinflint, but there is just no damn reason to leave every fucking light in the house on. I swear, I spend half my night shutting off the same hallway light every 20 minutes or so. When I come home to a house that’s lit up from the outside like a fucking Jack-O-Lantern, I can just imagine my energy dial on the side of the house, happily spinning away like a fucking dreidel.
Once I brought it up to her that she leaves too many damn lights on, and I was treated to an outright fucking denial.
“Oh please! You’re exaggerating! I don’t leave the lights on very often at all.”
This outright REFUSAL to accept the facts pissed me off to the point where now, every time I walk into a room where the lights are on and no one is present, I yell out, “OK, the lights are on in here! I’m shutting them off now! This is the third time tonight!”
And on and on and on I go, counting off the number of times I shut the lights off. I feel like I should be on fucking Sesame Street.
It really is quite selfish of her. I mean, in the great game of life, she took top honors and won ME, the best prize of all!
The LEAST she could do is be a team player and not make me feel like I am center stage in a Broadway play every time I use the bathroom.
I feel like I should be making fucking Jazz Hands every time I take a leak…..