Thursday, July 12, 2012

Oh Al...... How Could You?

Al, Al, Al.........

Maybe I accidentally hit my head recently and maybe as we speak I am living in a hallucinogenic alternate dimension within my own subconscious, but wasn't there a time when Al Pacino was one of the greatest actors of our time?

I mean, the dude was a respected actor, wasn't he?  Scarface, Dog Day Afternoon, Scent of a Woman.  I even seem to remember him being in a little independent film called THE FUCKING GODFATHER!!!! (although i do believe that in the U.S. release, they dropped the 'fucking' from the title.

Anyway, for the past few months, Mini-Me has been busting my chops to see the Adam Sandler movie Jack and Jill.

You remember that piece of shit film, don't you?  It's the movie where Adam Sandler puts on a dress and plays the part of his TWIN SISTER!

Yes, you read that correctly.  His SISTER!  Do you get it?  Adam Sandler is a GUY!  And he's dressing up like a GIRL!  Holy shit that is some funny stuff!  Why hasn't Hollywood ever thought of that idea before???

Anyway, because i am the best dad ever, last weekend we sat down to finally watch this masterpiece.

Holy fuck, i knew it was going to be awful, but the thing is, it's NOT awful.

It's......  It's......

Honestly, i don't have a word for it.  Calling it 'awful' would be an insult for all the fine things in this world that worked hard and busted their ass to attain the title of 'awful'.

This movie leaves me speechless.

And it's not so much because of Adam Sandler.  Mr. Sandler has LONG ago proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that he can't make a funny movie.  So, i wasn't surprised there.

No, what threw me for a fucking loop was the fact that he got AL FUCKING PACINO to star in this movie with him!

I still can't wrap my head around it, but let me summarize the movie in a nutshell for you:

Adam Sandler has a twin sister who is a pain in the ass.  Adam, meanwhile, owns an advertising company who is going to lose his business if he can't get Al Pacino to star in his new Dunkin' Donuts commerical, advertising their new coffee, the "Don-Cachino".

I'll fast forward about 84 minutes, and just ruin the whole movie for you by showing you the final 2 minutes.

You ready?  Ok, here we go......

Can you believe what you just fucking saw?

Al Pacino. That was Al Pacino.

That's right. That was Michael fucking Corleone singing and dancing, quoting lines from his most famous films, while dancing around with a walking cup of coffee.

I have no words to explain what might have possessed him to do this....

And it's not even the SLIGHTEST bit funny. It's just.... cringe-worthy.

Well played, Mr. Sandler. You have bested me this time. How you managed to sink to this all new, world-record-breaking low still baffles me.

Well played, indeed.


Choleesa said...

We rented it, I watched maybe 5 minutes of PISSED and turned it off, I didnt even know that Al Pacino was in it!

Slyde said...

Cholesa, oh how i envy you, dear. That you didnt have to sit thru the whole thing.... you lucky lucky girl, you...

Verdant Earl said...

Pacino has been shit for a good 25 years now.

Slyde said...

has it been that long?

How about Sea of Love?

Yeah, i guess that was about 25 years ago now....

Heat, maybe?

i'd have to agree its been all shit since Heat....

Mrs. Hall said...

i saw something on pinterest once about sandler

"I'm not sure if Adam Sandler's movies use to be funny, or maybe it's just that I was 13".

so yeah, sandler and his humor have not aged well. AT ALL.

well, we'll always have the hanaunkah song. PUT ON YOUR YAMAKA AND CELEBRATE HAUNAKAH!!

and lunch lady land. which my kids like.

that's funny that never stops :)

Mrs. Hall said...



Slyde said...

Thats what drives me so crazy about Sandler. He's a talented dude. I have always found HIM funny. It's just his movies that i think are awful....

Unknown said...

Bobby Di Nero has fallen the way of the wtf too.

I agree after Heat they both said fuck it.

sybil law said...


Yvonne said...

The Godfather is my all time favorite movie EVER! And Al Pacino is one of my favorite actors. I lurve him!!! However, I just threw up a little in my mouth, after reading this post. Adam Sandler??? Really Al??? What, were you bored and thought, "Sure why not?" ---Bleh!

Cocaine Princess said...

I loved him in Scarface- one of my fave
films ever.

I saw Jack & Jill--I thought the whole basketball scene with Al & Johnny Depp was hilarious.

Momcat said...

Obviously when you are getting a little older, you have to do a little something (maybe beneath your dignity) to just pay the bills...

Heff said...




Yeah, Deniro's only putting out steaming loaves these days, too.

Chantel said...

If it's any consolation, you've just saved me a redbox fee. :) I'll do you one back, Prometheus sucked an alien's ass.

At least he hasn't sunk to porn level..."The Sodfather"

Anonymous said...

Why American men should boycott American women

Boycott American Women

I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

Tens of millions of American men have had their lives completely destroyed by American women through the following crimes:

1. False rape accusations (it has been proven that up to 80 percent of rape accusations are FALSE)

2. False domestic violence (DV) charges (same as above)

3. Financial destruction of men in divorce courts through alimony and support payments (women get up to 95 percent of their ex-husband's income and savings, as well as the house, car, etc)

4. Emotional destruction of men by ex-wives who have stolen their children from them and forbidden the fathers from having custody or contact with their own children

5. Divorced dads who commit suicide as a result

Not one single American woman has EVER condemned their fellow American women for committing these crimes against men. Silence means consent. Therefore, American women support and enjoy destroying men's lives and causing men to commit suicide. Apparently, American women think it is okay to be a criminal, just as long as you are a woman. Therefore, is it any surprise that a huge percent of American men no longer want anything to do with American women, other than using them for easy sex and then throwing them away?

A few more reasons to stay away from American women?

-25 percent of American women take psychiatric drugs for mental illnesses.
-25 percent of women under the age of 30 have at least one STD.
-85 percent of divorces in America are INITIATED by women, thus women are responsible for the vast majority of divorces.
-70 percent of criminals in America were raised by single mothers, thus feminism is responsible for most crime in America.
-The majority of child molestation, child abuse, and child murder in America is done by WOMEN.

Over 50 percent of American women are single, without a boyfriend or husband; so the fact is most American men no longer want to marry American women. Let these worthless American women grow old living alone with their 10 cats.


Chris H said...

I can't stand Adam Sandler movies either. full. stop. end. of. story!

Bruce Johnson said...

He needs to give his Oscar back.........