Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Well, You Certainly Don't See THAT Everyday!

I don't ask a lot from my morning commute.  I really don't.

All i want is to not hit any bad traffic, to have my air conditioner working if it's hot outside, and to not get into a fender bender.

I mean, I live only 7 miles from my job, so on a good day, i can be here in under 15 minutes.  That shouldnt be NEARLY enough time to encounter any weird shit.

But what did i spy with my little eye as i went to work this morning?

Check it, Holmes....


I'm not sure if you can appreciate the grandeur and beauty of what i saw out of my half-closed eyelids today.  Maybe if you embiggen the pic, that might help.

But to give you the skinny, this dude was walking down the street, and by the looks of him he was on his way to work.

No biggie there.  This street is an industrial drive, it's nothing but office buildings one after the other......

And he certainly was trying to LOOK the part.  He had on dress pants, and he was even carrying a briefcase.......

My suspicions that something might be amiss with this fine man only came to my mind when i just happened to notice that his BIG FLOPPY MAN-TITS WERE STARING ME IN THE FACE!

Seriously, what the fuck?

My first inclination was to say he was a hobo, but i can't call Full-Hobo on this dude.  He didn't look all disheveled, he just looked like any one of the other hundred corporate asshats i work with, except for the fact that i haven't seen any of THEIR nipples.  (At least not yet.  A boy can dream, cant he?)

So, weigh in here, people.  Tell me a story of what's going on with our gentleman traveler here.  Homeless?  Didn't want to sweat his shirt up while walking to work?  Just lost his job and doesn't give a fuck?  Wants everyone to notice how nice his pecs look since he's been going to Planet Fitness?  What do you think?

14 comments:

B.E. Earl said...

He's obviously a Good Samaritan who just gave the very shirt off his back to someone in need.

Or a psychopath with a briefcase full of victim-carving tools.

Too close to call.

Slyde said...

i keep thinking of him like a michaeldouglas-type from the movie "Falling Down"

Heff said...

Two Words :

BATH SALTS !!!

RUN FOR THE HILLS !!!

Slyde said...

if i could be GUARANTEED that taking them would make me into a zombie, then i'd go for it!

sybil law said...

I'm with you on this - I'm hoping he just flat out doesn't give a fuck anymore and he's pissed off. Although, he does look pretty dejected...

2abes said...

under cover cop who just spent the night with the hot dog hooker!

MarkD60 said...

I don't even wonder...

Slyde said...

sybil: thats a good bet.

abes: ah, i need to go see the hot dog hooker, real soon.

mark: thats cause its YOU, isnt it?

Paticus said...

I think it's fairly obvious: He was walking to work, enjoying a strawberry toaster strudel as he does every morning...Then, one of those damn kids(probably on DOPE) riding one of those skaterboards bumped into him, mashing the toaster strudel all over his shirt. He decided that he would take off the shirt, so he didn't look like crazy person wearing a smeared shirt...Problem was, he did not wear an undershirt today like he usually does, because his good for nothing wife was out gallavanting about town last night with Brenda, instead of doing his laundry.Before he could put the shirt back on, a lemur dropped from a nearby tree and absconded with his strudel decorated shirt. He was closer to work than to home, and he always keeps another shirt in his office, so he decided that he would brave the few blocks shirtless, just hoping that some comedian with a blog wouldn't snap a picture of him with their cellular telephone camera. I guess it just was not his day.

Slyde said...

you know, Pat... i ran into the same gentleman this morning and asked him to tell me his tale... you are EXACTLY correct! How did you guess?

Chantel said...

The fact that you stopped to take a picture awes me. I love your brain.

Kaylen said...

hellloooooooooooo-very obvious he's doing the Walk of Shame from his crazy drunken one-night stand with some she-male he met at a bar 9 hours earlier.

Cocaine Princess said...

Ha! Heff's comment has me laughing as does your label to this post.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

What the?

Crack has yet again contributed to the depredation of our society.