I just was checking my archives and i realized that i hadn't done one of these "Pet Peeves" posts in almost a year.
That's a pretty damn long time. It got me to thinking about OTHER things that I haven't done in a year or more...
- I haven't swam naked in a pool
- I haven't punched anyone in the face. I have remarkable self control.
- I haven't gotten a raise. Wait, that's bad, right?
- I haven't changed my underwear.
- I haven't pooped.
Well, one of those things is a lie. You decide.
What was I posting about again? Right, Pet Peeves.
This one really gets my goat.
What is a Lazy Parker, you might ask? A Lazy Parker is someone who drives around and around a parking lot 10,000 fucking times, in the hopes of trying to get a spot that's closer to the store.
My grandfather used to do this all the time, and it drove me fucking batty. Friz, apparently not content to finally let me be at peace now that my grampa is gone, has bravely taken up the mantle and will routinely ferret me around a fucking parking lot like a damn mouse in a maze. It drives me UP THE FUCKING WALL!!
It happens every damn time we go to the mall if she is driving. We will pull into the lot, and i'll see a parking space about halfway down the aisle. Friz will see it too, of course, but she always has her sights on bigger game.
Much to my annoyment, she will cruise past the spot i WANTED to park in, just so she can coast further up the lane in hopes of spotting a magic spot that's closer.
I can't tell you how many times the following bit gets uttered in our car: "See? There IS a spot down there! I TOLD you! Let me drive down there and ..... Dammit! There was a motorcycle in the spot! Why don't they pull in so people know they're in there!!!!"
So, off we go again, lapping the fucking parking lot over and over again, like we're in a relay race, when we could have just parked the fucking car 10 minutes earlier and i could already be inside the mall eating my fucking Auntie Anne's pretzel!
And the WORST..... the absolute WORST.... is when she notices someone walking to their car.....
"Oh look, that guy is walking to his car! I think he's parked right there. Let's follow him. Shit, he crossed over to the next lane! Dammit, ok, let me swing over there before that bitch in the minivan gets it."
THEN, we sit in front of the poor fucker with our blinker on while the guy guiltily tries to throw his shit in his car as fast as fucking possible like a guy in the Indy 500 pit crew.
I will just NEVER understand it. A nice little walk to the mall won't kill you, i promise.
Unless you get run over by some senior citizen not paying attention because they were looking for the perfect parking spot...................