Thursday, June 21, 2012

Slyde's Pet Peeve # 10 - Lazy Parkers

I just was checking my archives and i realized that i hadn't done one of these "Pet Peeves" posts in almost a year.
 
That's a pretty damn long time.  It got me to thinking about OTHER things that I haven't done in a year or more...

Let's see..........

- I haven't swam naked in a pool
- I haven't punched anyone in the face.  I have remarkable self control.
- I haven't gotten a raise.  Wait, that's bad, right?
- I haven't changed my underwear.
- I haven't pooped.

Well, one of those things is a lie.  You decide.

What was I posting about again?  Right, Pet Peeves.

This one really gets my goat.

Lazy Parkers!

What is a Lazy Parker, you might ask?  A Lazy Parker is someone who drives around and around a parking lot 10,000 fucking times, in the hopes of trying to get a spot that's closer to the store.

My grandfather used to do this all the time, and it drove me fucking batty.  Friz, apparently not content to finally let me be at peace now that my grampa is gone, has bravely taken up the mantle and will routinely ferret me around a fucking parking lot like a damn mouse in a maze.  It drives me UP THE FUCKING WALL!!

It happens every damn time we go to the mall if she is driving.  We will pull into the lot, and i'll see a parking space about halfway down the aisle.  Friz will see it too, of course, but she always has her sights on bigger game. 

Much to my annoyment, she will cruise past the spot i WANTED to park in, just so she can coast further up the lane in hopes of spotting a magic spot that's closer.

I can't tell you how many times the following bit gets uttered in our car:  "See?  There IS a spot down there!  I TOLD you!  Let me drive down there and .....  Dammit!  There was a motorcycle in the spot!  Why don't they pull in so people know they're in there!!!!"

So, off we go again, lapping the fucking parking lot over and over again, like we're in a relay race, when we could have just parked the fucking car 10 minutes earlier and i could already be inside the mall eating my fucking Auntie Anne's pretzel!

And the WORST..... the absolute WORST.... is when she notices someone walking to their car.....

"Oh look, that guy is walking to his car!  I think he's parked right there.  Let's follow him.  Shit, he crossed over to the next lane!  Dammit, ok, let me swing over there before that bitch in the minivan gets it."

THEN, we sit in front of the poor fucker with our blinker on while the guy guiltily tries to throw his shit in his car as fast as fucking possible like a guy in the Indy 500 pit crew.

I will just NEVER understand it.  A nice little walk to the mall won't kill you, i promise.

Unless you get run over by some senior citizen not paying attention because they were looking for the perfect parking spot...................

13 comments:

B.E. Earl said...

Annoyment? Did you just make up a word? That's cute.

Slyde said...

i must have.... spell checker had a tizzy with it.

sybil law said...

Yep = I'm with you - I'll just walk. I cannot STAND to drive around, looking for a better spot!

Radioactive Tori said...

I get so dizzy when I am with someone that does that! If my legs aren't broken I'm cool with walking to save a bunch of stress and just have to walk a little farther in exchange.

Mrs. Hall said...

see now, this is why i let Mr. Hall drive if i know we are going to do A) a lot of hwy driving B) be in a busy parking lot!

because he doesn't openly criticize my driving, he does make grumpy noises and sighs. and ROLLS OF EYES!so screw that! let him drive!!!

:)

Slyde said...

sybil: see? we're compatible! I keep telling you that....

radio: its nice to know that there are normal drivers/parkers out there...

holly: if he cant at least roll his eyes, what the hell is in it for him? :)

Heff said...

WITH YA, PAL !

By the time "people like that" find a decent spot, I could park in the VERY BACK of the parking lot, walk in and have been in the building 10 minutes by the time they park.

Annabelle Archer said...

Agreed on this pet peeve.

And it's been way to long since I've swam naked. But you just built a pool, what's your excuse???

Slyde said...

heff: see? we DO have stuff in common!

Anna: Actually, my dear... it has been 95 degrees here for the past 2 days, so last night i enjoyed an 11pm naked swim.

i can now cross that off my list!

MarkD60 said...

I always slap 'er into the first spot I see, then get pissed as i walk by all there empty spaces ...

Chantel said...

Lol, so as I have a predilection for cheese (read that "has been known to swap favors of a personal nature for brie") and still love my slinky dresses at the same time--when I read that if you park in the farthest spot out, EVERYWHERE you go, you will lose 10lbs a year, it was a done deal.

How simple is that? Besides, no dings from idiots with carts, no waiting for someone to get their ass in the car...just blissful open lot.

And damn, my dresses look great!

Chris H said...

OMG my husband Stew is like Fizz and it drives me NUT too.
Me, I drive in, drive to the furtherest part and take one of the million empty parks, and walk back... watching all the idiots who are going around and around still looking for a park close to the door of the mall! Meanwhile, I've parked and done half my shopping before they finally get a freakin park!

Bruce Johnson said...

I always look for the space FARTHEST away from the entrance, where their is no one else near my car. The fewer people inching around my car the better. I am awesome in this respect. Besides, this way, I never forget where my car is parked. It is always the one way over in the corner.