Mini-Me never fails to leave me speechless.
Last night’s conversation, after we got through our nightly bedtime story (this month’s installment… The Spiderwick Chronicles):
Mini-Me: Daddy, can I ask you something?
Mini-Me: Daddy, am I gay?
Stud: Are you WHAT?
Mini-Me: Am I gay?
Stud: Why the fuc….. I mean, why would you ask me that?
Mini-Me: Because I think I might be.
Stud: Well OK, let’s talk about it.
Stud: What makes you think you might be gay?
Mini-Me: Because most of my friends are girls……
Stud: THAT’S why you think you’re gay?
Stud: Son, having friends that are girls is NOT what makes you gay.
Mini-Me: It’s not?
Stud: No, believe me, if hanging out with girls made you gay, then I’d be Liberace!
Stud: Never mind. Son, having girls as friends doesn’t make you gay.
Mini-Me: Are you sure?
Stud: Pretty fuc… I mean, yeah. I’m sure.
Mini-Me: Ok then.
Stud: Ok then.
Mini-Me: Well then, what DOES make you gay?
Stud: Too many Tequila shots.
Stud: Nothing, forget I said that.
Mini-Me: Really daddy. I want to know.
Stud: Son, a boy is gay if he finds other boys attractive. A girl is gay if they find other GIRLS attractive.
Mini-Me: THAT’S what gay means? Really?
Mini-Me: Oh. OK.
Stud: Son, do you find other boys attractive?
Mini-Me: Yuck! No!
Stud: Ok then, I don’t think you’re gay.
Stud: Do you think GIRLS are attractive?
Mini-Me: No! Girls are gross!
Stud: You won’t think that much longer…
Mini-Me: Can we please stop talking about this? I don’t like it.
Stud: You DO know, that no matter who you like, that I will love you no matter what, and you can always talk to me, right? I don’t care who you like, as long as you’re a happy and healthy boy.
Mini-Me: I know, daddy.
Stud: Ok then. Goodnight, son.
Mini-Me: Goodnight, daddy. What are you going to do after I go to sleep?
Stud: I’m going to go drink a bottle of Tequil…
Stud: On second thought, maybe I’ll just have some milk.