Most times, if I see a spider or other such creepy-crawly in the house, I usually just let them be. They aren’t bothering me, so why the heck should I bother them?
The problem is that everyone else who lives with me is utterly TERRIFIED of them.
I mean, my family really is ridiculous. I can’t tell you how many times I am routinely scared SHITLESS by some member of my family emitting a blood-curdling scream, only to charge down the hall to discover that there is a moth flying around the room, or there is a tiny spider climbing on the wall.
But what can I do about it? After all, I can’t expect the rest of the world to be as manly as I am. But I DO try to teach Mini-Me not to be totally freaked out by the sight of a bumblebee.
And I have always practiced what I’ve preached when it comes to bugs.
Until this morning.
I was getting ready to jump in the shower this morning, when I noticed a teensy-tiny spider cutely crawling up the glass of the shower. He was on the inside of the shower, about 6 feet up the glass, going about his business.
It reminded me of Charlottes’ Web.
So I figured, “Sexy Self, just leave the little guy alone and get in there and take your shower.”
So, that’s exactly what I started to do. I opened the door and guided my sexy naked body into the shower……..
Then I turned on the water…….
And I looked up at my cute little shower companion as the water started to hit me.
Then the little fucker jumped off the wall and landed right onto the top of my head!
Well, any composure I had up until that point went RIGHT out the window.
I started flailing around like a school girl trying to catch a Justin Beiber concert ticket.
I MAY have even squealed like a girl trying to catch a Justin Beiber concert ticket.
Anyway, I’m not sure why the little fucker had declared Jihad against me, but I was finally able to get him out of my hair. He landed with a tiny splash at the bottom of the running shower……
Where I quickly dropped a handful of water and drowned the little fucker.
Then I kicked his waterlogged-ass down the shower drain.
I’m all for being one with nature and all, but that little bastard crossed the line.