Thursday, April 26, 2012

With Great Power....


…. Comes Great Responsibility.

For those of you who aren’t cool enough to read comic books, THAT is the mantra of the Amazing Spider Man.

But I’ve been thinking that this particular saying often applies to me as well.

And before you ask, the answer is “No!”.  I most assuredly do NOT fight crime each night swinging from rooftop to rooftop in a skintight bodysuit.

Believe me, I’ve got the body for it, and I’d really LOVE to fight evil and all, but I can’t seem to find a pair of tights that give me enough room in the groin area.  Maybe I’ll need to special-order some.

What was I talking about again? 

Oh yeah, power and responsibility.

In case anyone doesn’t know, I spend my days (or as I’ll soon be calling it, my alter-ego) working as a computer programmer.

And being a computer programmer for an organization, you need to have access to all of their internal data and information.

It’s pretty overwhelming sometimes to realize that all of the data, the sensitive and personal information, of everyone who works in the entire company, and all of their clients, are right at your fingertips.

Of course, I am a mature and responsible cog in my organization, so I never abuse this privilege.  Plus, I have this aversion to being fired.  To continue the superhero motif, it’s like my Kryptonite.

But, I have to admit, that there have been times when I was much younger, and worked for previous companies, where the urge to peek at and fuck with people’s data was too overwhelming to pass up.

One time, while working at a company that is no longer in business, my boss was SUCH an asshat and SO fucking mean to me every day, that one night I dialed into the company mainframe (on a 1600 baud modem, no less!  I’m old), and deleted all of his private directories where he kept all his documents and important information.  I took great relish in watching him run around all morning like a chicken with his head cut off trying to fix what he thought was a system glitch and find all of his info that only I knew was gone for good.

Another time, again for a company that has long since been sold and transitioned out of state, there was this guy who I worked with who was quite possibly the biggest jerkoff I have ever known.  He made that FIRST asshat look like Mother Theresa.  One day, after he once again pissed me off, I went into the system and changed his sex to “Female”.  About 3 weeks later I heard him in his office, yelling at the HR department because he kept getting phone calls that he needs to schedule his yearly OBGYN appointment.

That one made me giggle for eons…….

Anyway, the whole point I was trying to make at the beginning of this rambling post is that as I have gotten older, not only have I become better much better looking, but I have shed my previous immaturity and not given in to my base temptations for revenge.

But it would be SOOOO damn easy.  And Heaven knows there are people here who deserve it…..

But no, I have transcended all of that nonsense.  I will stay professional and do my job accordingly.

But under NO circumstances will I stop peeing in the company coffee pot.

11 comments:

Heff said...

Note to self : Refuse invitations from Slyde for ANY OCCASION.

Chantel said...

I once found myself with a long wait in the doc's office. There were a TON of magazines--even a pile of gay/les promo stuff, betty crocker, the AARP retirement one...so. Could I resist spending 45 minutes filling out my ex husband's information and checking the "bill me" boxes? *sigh* No.

Slyde said...

heff: aww, dont be that way sugar...

Chant: Gay promo stuff? in a doctor's waiting room?

Who is your PCP... Doctor Giggles?

B.E. Earl said...

I think I know that first dude you mentioned. Hehehe.

Slyde said...

yes, you do. i wonder how he's doing? i should google him...

sybil law said...

Damn good thing I don't drink coffee!

Seriously - some assholes deserve to be fucked with - sometimes you just have to BE karma.

Chantel said...

Oooh Sybil, I am so stealing that! I am karma, hear me roar! lol

Lotus07 said...

Being in the same position (I.T.) I get to browse through tons of data as well, but it is opposite here. The data we collect is so bad and full of errors that all I really have to do is document it (so-and-so isn't doing their job, neither is what-his-name, or Betty-Bitch, etc.). I could point these people out to management, but they have already made it quite clear, that they really don't care (this is government after all, think G.S.A. in Las Vegas). So I am just going to bid my time until I retire, but I make no promises about what I will do on my last day in the office (except I won't be drinking the coffee).

Yvonne said...

Too funny! I sometimes wish I was computer savvy enough, to have the ability to mess with the self serving divas and the irritating assholes that I work or have worked with. It would be so much fun! Ahhh, revenge, just saying it out loud (or typing it)brings my lips a sweet, sweet, after taste. -Kinda like how they feel after having a glass of Moscato.

2abes said...

You may not fight crime each night swinging from rooftop to rooftop in a skintight bodysuit, but i bet you swing somewhere else in that body suit.

The female change is great. I bet the dude was yelling like a son ofa bitch! BAHHHH!

MarkD60 said...

I've thought of doing something similar, but I'm just too grown up...