Monday, March 12, 2012

The Unsinkable Molly Brown

I’ve got a problem with a girl.

And NO, it’s not any of the USUAL problems I have with girls.

Usually, any problems I have with a girl can be solved by calling them a taxi and leaving some money on the nightstand…..

But my problems with Molly are completely of the different variety.

You see, Molly is 9 years old.

Now hold on….. Before you go and call Child Protective Services on me, let me explain.

Molly is Mini-Me’s new school friend. Which is all fine and dandy with me. He can have as many girl friends as he wants. After all, we don’t call him “Mini-Me” for nothing. The charmed lad looks exactly like me…. he’s not going to be able to keep the girls as bay much longer.

But little Molly is wearing on my patience.

The girl, who goes to school with Mini-Me, has begun to call him at 7:00P.M.

EVERY…..

DAMN….

NIGHT!

Seriously, by 7:01, the phone rings, and sure as beans, it’s good ol’ Molly, asking if Mini-Me can come to the phone.

And then they begin to talk….. FOR HOURS!

Honestely, if I didn’t tell him it was time to get ready for bed, I think they would talk all night.

And it’s not even “normal” talk… they just usually make funny noises at each other, trying to make the other one laugh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it’s cute….

… for the first 10 minutes or so.

But after an hour or so of hearing my son spout nothing but nonsense-babble, I feel like playing a rousing game of Russian Roulette like Christopher Walken in the Deer Hunter.

It’s seriously tugging at my last nerve.

Anyone else getting sick of their kid’s friends calling all the time? The little tyke is only 9, for Gosh Sakes! I know it only gets worse from here, but I really did think I had a FEW years left before I had to deal with this shit.

It’s my own damn fault for procreating in the first place….

It wasn’t fair to the rest of the female world to unleash another “me” upon them.

17 comments:

Heff said...

As long as she's calling in like clock-work at 7:01, just take the phone off the hook/make busy/unplug answering machine, etc.

I had to do the SAME THING when I was younger, to ward off females before I acquired a stable of them myself.

sybil law said...

Can't he just go into another room, or can't you?
(I do know how stupid the phone conversations are, though. When they get on my nerves, I give Gilda the sign to get out of the room I'm in.)

Chantel said...

Your label cracked me up--and I'm all for hiding the phones in the fridge vege drawer, no one looks there.

Other than that, suck it up pretty boy--you made him.

B.E. Earl said...

You know what this means? It's time for his own line in his room. Or a cell phone of his own. Yup.

Slyde said...

heff: that may in fact be what we have to do. At first, she was calling every night during dinner, but i squashed that right quick.

sybil: yeah, he can, and he does, but he's SOO DAMN LOUD! i can hear him from anywhere in the house...

chantel: thats true, i did. or at least, thats what she tells me...

earl: you know, we actually discussed that yesterday. I will NOT buy a 9yo a cell phone. i gotta take a stand on that one, at least for a few more years...

Possum said...

Last time I checked the word 'no' was still part of the english language so perchance young Molly needs to hear that and perchance some boundaries need to be set.

Slyde said...

possum: i hear you. i hate to say 'no' to mini-me because i love him to pieces, but this needs to be at least curtailed...

The Accidental Somebody said...

It's called LIMITS Slyde - set them! Yes Mini Me, you can surely use the phone but all you get is one hour. Then enforce it. You're welcome.

radioactive girl said...

My kids are older and now have cell phones. Before they did we had the same issues times 3 kids (my youngest hasn't had many phone calls yet, he's only 8). I made rules about how long and what times they could talk. I hate being the grown up sometimes! It's a fine line between wanting them to have friends and wanting them to be happy but still maintaining my own sanity.

CPalermo21 said...

>>It’s my own damn fault for procreating in the first place….


Now you know why the online petition was such a good idea...

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Don't either of them know it's the BOY's job to do the calling? :-0 :-0 :-0 I can honestly say I haven't run into this one yet. I was just mentioning yesterday how my boy's phone conversations haven't really gotten much more detailed than when he was a toddler and I would demand he say something to the person on the other end - "Plum. Hungry. Eat" he would say in earnest monotone. Then he was ready to give up the telephone in favor of some food. Anyway, aside from the whole suicide provoking thing, it sounds really cute!

Bouncin Barb said...

You could tell them they have a time limit of 10-15 minutes on the phone now. Or limit it to 1 or 2 nights a week. It will get old after awhile for them. This is just a ploy to get you to buy him a cell phone!! Mini-Me is one smart fella!

Bouncin Barb said...

You could tell them they have a time limit of 10-15 minutes on the phone now. Or limit it to 1 or 2 nights a week. It will get old after awhile for them. This is just a ploy to get you to buy him a cell phone!! Mini-Me is one smart fella!

Anonymous said...

There's a cull in Maine.
That's the MENIEN.
That's the MEHOLE- COCNINES.
It's with SLYMSO.
And it 's about SYZEN and STARZ.
And CONSLYO now talks with CONYANDO.
And YANYLIZ " does" too, lots of "R'S".
And that means everything is not " so NYSEE".
NESSPA ?
Ask Irene - Nat.
NADEDA- DANADELAMAR went" bust".
With Pat.

Anonymous said...

Sly Stallone?
He's with Connie Mack?
Dassault?
This is the " New Violence"?
AK'S- CHO?
IRA- PLO?

2abes said...

What is this anonymous crap??? Get mini me a cell phone and teach him how to text. Funny noises in text are not as annoying.....

meleah rebeccah said...

I think it's too cute to get mad/irritated over Molly & Mini-Me's phone calls!