Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Being Overly Emotional

Sometimes I think that God felt guilty for making me so damn good looking, so he had to compensate for it by making me a bit of a mental case.

I could talk about the DOZENS of things that make me one VERY odd duck, but I was reading another blog last week that talked about this one particular thing that I do, and I found it very interesting, because I really thought that I was the only looney who thought like this.

Ya see, I have this condition where I tend to associate human characteristics and feelings to non-human objects.

And I’m not talking about the typical ways that people do this, like talking to their car, or calling their boat “Their Gal”…..

… I’m talking about doing things that even weird MYSELF out.

The first time I remember doing anything like this was when I was a kid, and I cried for an afternoon when my parents decided to pull up our ancient red shag carpeting with some nice modern carpeting. As the workers rolled up the old carpet, I cried and hugged it and apologized to it for being so carelessly discarded. I felt like it served us so well by letting us walk all over it for many years, and now I was letting it down.

That’s not normal, right?

And although my days of crying over old furniture are thankfully over, I still get very uncomfortable whenever I buy something new to replace something old that has faithfully served me for a long time.

Last month I bought a new hammer, and I have to admit that I stared at my old, shitty hammer for a few minutes thinking of all the times when it had done right by me and did its job.

That time 10 years ago when I had to fix my fence……. Old Mr. Hammer was there for me, pounding nails like a champ….

Then there was that time when I had to assemble my new computer desk, and even though the instructions said that you didn’t need any tools, I couldn’t make the sides fit together just right. Who was there for me? That’s right… Mr. Hammer, giving the wood a few gentle taps to get them to line up for me….

And of course Mr. Hammer was there for me that time when I got high on horse tranquilizer and went on that homeless killing spree…..

Look, that’s neither here nor there. The point I’m trying to make is that my messed up brain always puts human characteristics on inanimate objects, and even though I know that it’s UBER weird, I can’t seem to help myself.

Anyone out there suffer from this affliction?

This post would be longer, but I’m feeling bad for Mr. Keyboard. He’s been cranky all day and I want to let him take a nap.

22 comments:

sybil law said...

Sadly, I have to agree with you and admit I tend to do this, too.

I can only imagine what you're like with your porn collection, though.

Slyde said...

NO ONE touches Mr. BackDoor Buddies # 13!!!!

B.E. Earl said...

Wasn't Captain Hammer a dick? He certainly was to Penny. And Dr. Horrible HATED him.

PS - Sybil, all of Slyde's porn has to do with feet. He's TOEtally into it.

Slyde said...

All i have to say is to THAT is if you check a certain Verdant One's credit card recipts from the Summer of 1992, you will find some purchases from a company of questionable repute called "Hang 10 Productions".

So tell me NOW who's the foot lover?

meleah rebeccah said...

"And of course Mr. Hammer was there for me that time when I got high on horse tranquilizer and went on that homeless killing spree"

That CRACKED ME UP!! Ahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahha

B.E. Earl said...

Did you just pull the "I'm rubber, you're glue" defense? YOU are the foot fucking master! Embrace your love of the toe. Embrace it, you freak!

Annabelle said...

I am of the opposite end of this spectrum, I rarely attach to anything and anyone, much less objects.

Bless your special heart, though.

(That's Southern for you are batshit crazy)

Slyde said...

meleah: its funny cause its true.

earl: Did you just pull the "Pulp Fiction" defense? Embrace your love of the golden arches!

anna: thats fine. We can have all the souless, emotionless sex you can handle...

CPalermo21 said...

I don't think this is that unusual.

When I was young, I used to get VERY upset whenever my father would cut one of our trees down. Now - although a tree is inanimate; it still is living.

I think most humans will create memories for things -- cars, homes, etc. -- that feeling that such-and-such an object was there for you when you needed it. It's not rationale; but it's certainly not unusual.

Crap. This may be the first comment I've posted on your blog that isn't snarky.

Chantel said...

Damn near made me tear up that I inspired you so!

You'd rather be known as a foot lover than a rug lover, right? That could be messy...and then there's the rug burns...that's gonna need some cream.

B.E. Earl said...

Did you just pull the "McDonald's" defense? This little piggy went to market, this little piggy went home, this little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none and this little piggy went wee wee wee all the way into Slyde's mouth. Embrace the piggy-love.

sugar-free-thoughts.com said...

I'm just gonna sit here and giggle over Mr. Hammer gently tapping some wood because I'm a child.

Chris H said...

I don't LOVE many inanimate objects... but I would find it hard to part with a much loved/used hammer!
I say frame it and hang it on the wall.

Seriously... crying over old carpet is a bit... weird.

Momcat said...

Inanimate object fondness? Nah, not really. Too many animateds around to worry about. I will say however, that when my VW Fox that I drove for seven years was sold recently...I'm glad I was nowhere around!

Slyde said...

chris: im actually surprised how many people are saying they have a similar issue.

chantel: are you volunteering to apply it? if so, im in!

Slyde said...

Earl: did you just pull the "Mother Goose" Defense?

it's time for you to cleanse your "sole" and own up to your love of the bunion...

Slyde said...

sugar: me too. tee-hee :)

chris: agreed. i never said i wasnt a tad off...

mom: See? why is it ok for cars, but not for appliances? where's the line, dammit?!?!?!?!?

2abes said...

one of you has to man up or should i say foot up...or maybe both of you....ps: hang 10 productions...thats pretty friggin funny, did you make that up?

MarkD60 said...

One day when I was a kid my Mom asked me if I wanted a new bed. I said OK. I came home from school and there was a new bed, but the old bed was gone! Nobody said anything about taking the old bed.

So, I can relate implicitly.

radioactive girl said...

I TOTALLY have the same issue and I know that you know my daughter does because last week I posted about her and her bracelet and how sad she was for it being out there lost and alone somewhere. If you are crazy then we all are apparently since most of the comments seem to be showing that this is not a rare thing.

Kono said...

Have you read the eulogy for my first Carhartt? tearjerker. Oh and have you seen "Your Mom tossed my salad", it's a quality film.

Brandy Rose said...

When I was a kid, I was so bad that numbers and letters had individual personalities and even relationships with each other. 7 and 11 hate each other to this day.