Thursday, February 09, 2012

Naughty, Naughty, Teacher

My son’s teacher is naughty.

No, not THAT kind of naughty, you degenerates….

Quite simply, she’s just a bitch.

Remember when I told you a while back they she was refusing to let him go to the bathroom?

Well, I straightened that shit out a while ago. She gave me some bullshit story that he asks to go every 5 minutes. My son SWEARS that he asks no more than 2 times a day, and fuck it all if I’m gonna believe this bitch over him.

But since I spoke to her, the bathroom issue has been resolved and my son’s bladder is once again at peace.

But this…. this… this… WOMAN, keeps pushing my fucking buttons.

Every night this week, Mini-Me has had a math packet to work on, to prepare for some state sponsored test that’s coming up soon.

Some of these questions are pretty difficult, and honestly beyond his abilities (Beyond Friz’s too… math isn’t her strong suit), but bless his little heart if he doesn’t come right home from school every day, sit at the kitchen table, and tries his very best to get it all done by himself so I can check it when I get home.

So, last night we were going over his math packet, and when I was done checking it, I discovered that he had answered only 1 out of 7 questions correctly. To be fair, he would have gotten partial credit on almost all of his wrong answers, since he did something careless on each one (i.e. switching 2 numbers, writing down the wrong number in the answer box, etc).

But, a wrong answer is still a wrong answer. When I finished checking his work, I told him that he did a good job, but he needs to be more careful because he would have had most of the answers right if he had checked his work.

I swear, that is ALL I said!

The next thing I know, the little guy is crying his eyes out, hysterical. When I finally calmed him down enough to see why what I said upset him so much, he told me that what I had said wasn’t why he was crying at all.

It took a bit of coaxing, but I finally found out that Ol’ Miss Crabby-Crotch gave the kids a practice State test that day, and afterwards she had told the class that they hadn’t done very well, and that ONE CHILD HAD GOTTEN 22 ANSWERS WRONG!

So, after his poor showing on his homework, he was upset because he was sure that HE was the kid who got so many wrong on his test.

I swear if the bitch was standing there, I do believe I would have decked her. Or at least given her a wedgie.

What the FUCK does she think she will gain from announcing to the class how poorly a bunch of 4th graders did on a practice test? Did she hope to scare them into performing better on the real thing? How many other kids went home last night thinking that THEY were the dunce of the class?

She should have just went the Full Monty and pinned the low test score on the offending student’s shirt, so they could have their very own Scarlet Letter to carry around all day for the other kids to mock.

I keep telling my son that he only has 4 more months that he has to deal with this harpy, and then he can forget about her forever.

I just hope that I can hold out that long, before I’m forced to dig a shallow grave in my backyard….


Heff said...

Graves need to be AT LEAST 6 ft deep to keep animals from diggin' up the carcass.

- Just sayin.

Also, he MAY only have 4 months left with the bitch, but he'll NEVER FORGET HER.


I rest my case.

Unknown said...

wow, that teacher sounds like my ex husband's new GF and the way she treats my girls. Where do adults get off belittling the littles they are 'responsible' for?

I'll grab a shovel, have to make sure that grave is deep enough, ya know?

Unknown said...

Wow, it really sucks that she is such a crappy person. If she is trying to just make them encouraged, she is doing the opposite.

Slyde said...

heff: congrats to you, sir, for giving me my first real laugh of the day :)

ms. bats: thanks very much for the extra hands.. i can use all the help i can get!

kristina: absolutely....

Unknown said...

Effing gash.

Verdant Earl said...

I dunno, but with computers and all I don't think kids really need to learn as much math as we did back when. And to be a bitch on top of it? Ugh...shovel, grave, done!

Radioactive Tori said...

When I was teaching I found that encouraging good things and ignoring not so good things worked much better than criticism and making the kids feel stupid. Kids believe what you tell them they are. If you constantly praise the ways they are smart, that's what they strive for and believe about themselves. If you nitpick and tell them all the ways they are dumb, that will stick instead. I really think you should go overboard telling your little guy how smart he is and go crazy with praise when he does anything even close to right. You need to balance/cancel out what the it itch is drilling into their heads all day.

Radioactive Tori said...

That should say what that bitch is telling him. I am trying to write this from my phone and apparently it doesn't think I'm so smart and is changing words to help me.

BB said...

I swear to god Slyde, there are some people out there that have no business being teachers. WTF? I still remember the fear I felt from my K-5 horrors in Catholic school. Go kick her ass!

sybil law said...

Man, that's just bullshit. I'd complain about her to the principal. Maybe you'll be the 3rd or 4th complaint and they'll listen. What an idiot bitch.
You just reminded me of my own bitch with my friend's husband, who talks to my kid like a complete asshole.

Anonymous said... are a FALSE TIT man?
So macho.
I heard you're into little boys?
Know who told?
She got it on BOWHILL with DATIL.
It's the ANHUS syndrome with AEMESSO- HOSYMCA .

Anonymous said...

We all had a teacher like that in our past, one that we just hated! It sucks. Poor little guy.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Start digging it in advance just to be on the safe side.

I'd be down to the school just after eating my BitchFlakes

Jill said...

:-( :-( :-( I so hope you tell her Slyde. It may mean nothing to her even if you do. But she may also have said it out of desperation and not have realized how badly the kids would take it. I'll grant you that it sounds like the former, but if she never finds out how badly it hurt your boy (and others), she doesn't get the chance to change.

The pressure on teachers for those standardized tests was REALLY REALLY high when I was in public school. They were constantly telling us how innocent actions could be misconstrued as cheating and our teaching credentials would be taken away. So much so that the day of the test I was scared to do anything but read my script and from the pamphlet. It was so horrible. I knew a teacher who told me that a six year old pooped his pants during the exam (before I got to the school) and he wasn't allowed to leave the test to change.

My ex-husband saw a teacher struggling to carry a heavy box of exams and offered to carry them to the classroom for her. She didn't let him and as he got closer to the classroom he heard her mention to another teacher that she had almost let him carry them for her and how much trouble she would have been in if she had let him.

I'm not saying your boy's teacher is not HORRIBLE. But I have to blame the tests themselves some too. Those tests are practically designed to magnify the teacher's weaknesses and fears by a thousandfold so that a merely bad teacher could turn truly awful just from having to give those things.

Jill said...

Oh & I mean by scared to do anything but read my script - that was all I was allowed to do anyway. I don't mean I was scared to deviate from the script - that was definitely not allowed & I wouldn't have done it anyway. I was just scared from the time I walked in the door of the building until it was all over. And I think my smartest kid threw the exam. Her life was a complete mess (father dead, taken from a mother who was found unfit...or maybe the other way around) but she was SO incredibly smart. Just from the glances I got at her paper, I'm pretty sure she reacted to the pressure by answering wrong on purpose.

You wanted an entire rant against the system right? :-(

Sorry! I am so sorry that his teacher is so miserable this year, really sorry.

Slyde said...

anna: indeed... well put, m'lady

earl: i agree, but i cant tell HIM that...yet

radio: im with ya.. its all about encouragement

barb: im trying to be nice with this chick, but shes really pushing my buttons

sybil: i might do just that, but ill probably wait till the end of the year.. i dont want any backlash on mini-me

michele: i didnt understand ONE thing you just wrote except TIT

lulu: i agree.. i had MORE than 1 like that...

daft: oh, i dont believe for ONE second that you have bitchflakes.. youre too sweet and flowerly!

Jill: for what its worth, i think you are exactly right.. i know that these ELA's are more a reflection on the teacher than the kids, and thats whats setting her off. No excuse though.. either she can handle the stress of being a teacher, or she should go home and play with yarn.....

badgerdaddy said...

I love the word 'harpy'. Good use. Hey, does she steal his lunch too??

Happy Mommy said...

This is an opportunity for Mini-You to build some character. There are going to be people who say terrible things to him his whole life. Bosses, co-workers, other kids, judgy people in grocery stores... all over. And it sucks, I know. But the best thing you can offer him right now is a plan on how to deal with the personality type. I agree that waiting until the end of the school year to talk to the principal about the teacher is a good idea since there could be backlash. But you can start talking to Mini-You, right now, about the power he has to ignore her, or make light of her efforts to destroy his potential. I know it's tough as a fourth grader to get away with, or feel comfortable doing this, but if he or one of his classmates had said, "One kid got 22 wrong? Wow, you really fell down on your job to not leave any child behind, didn't you?" or, "Wow! 22! I guess that kid chose to get one wrong for each of us, so we didn't have to, what a thoughtful kid!" she'd have been the one publicly humiliated, and the kids would see that even big bitchy bully teachers can be bested.

Slyde said...

badger: no, but she probably THINKS about it..

happy: i agree with you 100 percent. and thats pretty much what i try to do with him. Tons of positive reinforcement and straight talk...

Susan Higgins said...

Teachers like her can ruin a kid's confidence for learning.

You are a good writer ... Write to the school board. Complain constructively and make sure to offer viable solutions to the problem.

What I have found is folks don't think outside their paper bag ... If you tell the powers that be how to fix the trouble in a nice way... You could see a positive change before the end of the school year... Using your suggestions.


Suggests? Time to put on the thinking cap.

MarkD60 said...

I swear I remember that teacher, I had her in 6th grade.

meleah rebeccah said...

Dude, that teacher is a TOTAL bitch.

I always had math issues too and it wasn't until a GOOD teacher realized I was switching & inverting numbers. NOT because I was being careless, but because I have math dyslexia - it's called "Dyscalculia"

Maybe you should have mini-me checked for that. Poor kid.

Chris H said...

What a miserable, rotten bitch. I know it's only 4 more months ... but if he was my kid I'd be asking for a room transfer.

Kate said...

Someday, Mini-Me is going to be an adult with a brilliant career and a wildly successful and happy life and write a blog post about the mean grade school math teacher with not an ounce of compassion! He will also write a blog post about how patient and loving his Dad was to him as he went through his childhood. And mean Ms. Math teacher will be long dead and buried by then.

Cocaine Princess said...

I totally agree with the comment left @10:54-- "Teachers like her can ruin a kid's confidence for learning."

Teachers if anything should be caring and compassionate.

blondie1 said...

That Teacher she isn't doing a good job teaching then if all those students got most of the questions wrong HER teaching style needs changing and quick just work away with your son and try and find some fun extra work at home for him to do with you that you and he enjoy light stuff nothing heavy.

Jill said...

Yeah...she could and should go home & play with yarn. But the tests would eventually drive all the mediocre teachers into the horrible category and the great teachers into the good category and so on...

That's why I'm so happy teaching preschool. No standardized tests, less insanity in the administration in general, plus the hours are such that I'm able to drop off and pick up my kids at school which I couldn't do in public school. :-) :-) :-)

AlleyCat Runs said...

What an evil bitch. I'd go speak with the principal. It's bad enough that she's treating your son (& his class mates) so badly, what about all the other kids past (& future) she's inflicted her evil self on. Someone needs to pull her head in & I recon you're the man for the job!!!