Thursday, February 16, 2012

Keeping My Fingers Crossed

Folks, I am beginning to lose all hope.

I’m still trying to be positive, but time is running out.

With only 2 weeks left in their audition process for next season, I have not yet been called by Survivor.

I don’t think I ever got around to mentioning here that I finally sent in my audition tape for the Fall 2012 season. I finally sat my sexy ass down to make the tape during the Christmas break, and I was too busy roasting my chestnuts over an open fire to do much blogging.

But record my beautiful face, I did. Again. This is attempt number FOUR for me, and I have yet to make it to the Los Angeles auditions.

I’m not sure what’s wrong with the folks over at CBS. What else do I have to do for these people? In past videos, I’ve run around the woods pretending to be the Blair Witch, given a sappy testimonial, and last year I even sent them a video of me taking my clothes off!

Seriously, who the Hell can resist a naked ME? Whenever I watch that video and see how hot I am, even I have to run into the nearest closet and start masturbating! (What, doesn’t everyone masturbate in their closet? No? Just me, then? Ok, moving on…..)

Maybe they are just intimidated by my unbridled sexiness to dare to put me on the show, in fears that the other contestants would all voluntarily throw themselves into a bonfire after standing so close to my pure perfection?

Yeah, that MUST be it!

Anyway, they told me that all potential contestants will be notified by February 29th. That still gives me two whole weeks to hear some good news.

I need to really throw myself into that Promise bullshit and start thinking positively. Actually, calling it “Promise Bullshit” probably means I’m doing it wrong from the get-go.

But really… EVERYONE is pulling for me to be on that show.

All my family is hoping I get on, all my friends are hoping I get on…..

Shit, in the banner picture above, even that old battleaxe Susan Boyle is apparently keeping her fingers crossed that I make it.

Two more weeks. There is still time.

And if anyone from CBS is out there, I am not above giving out sexual favors for a chance at a million dollars….

… or, for a sandwich, if I’m hungry.

18 comments:

sybil law said...

I'm crossing my fingers for you here, too!

Slyde said...

You should cross ANYTHING you have two of (and take a picture please...)

Lotus07 said...

I believe that it may be time to throw in the towel and start sending auditions to The Bachelor (I am sure you wife won't mind).

I hate to tell you this, but I know someone who a a relative on Survivor and she related to me the following facts. Most of the contestants on these shows are not pulled from adution tapes. They are picked by producers from people that they know or casting agents. The person I know who had a relative chosen, was approached by casting at a Starbucks in Hollywood and asked to be on the show, he never applied. These shows are heavily scripted these days and really aren't 'reality' in any sense of the word.

Hey, ever considered 'Wipe Out'?

Possum said...

Susan can keep her fingers crossed....I'll cross my legs and hope that something happens for you in the next 2 weeks :)

Kate said...

I want to see you on Survivor so so bad!! Boston Rob got on. So can you.

B.E. Earl said...

Please post a link to this year's video submission. Thank you in advance.

Slyde said...

Bruce: oh, i know that full well. On most of the current seasons of survivor, at most 4 of the contestants are current applicants. Many are pulled from modelling agencies, or culled from other shows. Last year 3 contestants were people who had originally applied to Amazing Race...

possum: keep 'em crossed for 2 more weeks!

kate: thanks missy... :)

Slyde said...

earl: they did the videos differently this year... they arent up on CBS.COM. i COULD post mine to youtube, but then all you'd do is make fun of it. we shall see...

Bouncin Barb said...

You just keep trying. Eventually, they have to take you. I mean come on....WTF? They are afraid of your awesomeness.

Kristina Streeter said...

Keeping my fingers crossed! I would totally watch the show if you made it!

AlleyCat said...

Good Luck Good Luck Good Luck!!!! Got all my bits crossed :0)

Kaylen said...

I don't masturbate in my closet. But I might consider it, depending upon the video.
I would be way more interested in watching Survivor if you were on it. I would tell everyone I know you. In a biblical way. Kidding!!! (not really)

Raquel's World said...

You got my vote. But maybe you should share those audition tapes here so we can provide feedback.

meleah rebeccah said...

I'm STILL crossing my fingers for you too!

2abes said...

as flambouyant as you are...i'm shocked at the no call back...

Chantel said...

Mmmmm....next time maybe your tape could use...um, some "editing." I er, like could volunteer for that y'know?

radioactive girl said...

I think they are saving the best for last. They totally have to pick you, that would be awesome!

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Good luck!!!!!