Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Best Damn Advice I WIll Ever Give You....



If, by any chance, you happen to take your puppy to the vet to get neutered, as I did this morning, and the cute veterinary assistant asks you if, for an extra $20, you would like the vet to massage your dog’s anal glands in order to reduce the swelling, OR, would you rather just take care of it yourself when you get home………

……. PAY THE FUCKING 20 DOLLARS!

I’ve never been so happy to pay money for something that I physically could handle myself….

Unless, of course, she was just being coy, and her offer was directed to ME.

I hadn’t considered that earlier, but it makes perfect sense.  I get hit on all the time.  It’s embarrassing, really.  You can’t ALL have me.  Show a little decorum.  Control yourselves, gals….

If THAT’S the case, then I got ripped off, because she didn’t so much as shake my hand, let alone provide me with a relaxing ass-massage…

12 comments:

Heff said...

Ah yes -"expressing the gland"....

I do it ALL THE TIME....

I MEAN....I have a Daschund, and the Vet does it regularly to prevent "build up', and it's a GREAT stress reliever, lol.

Common practice for Daschunds.

B.E. Earl said...

$20 for an anal massage?

SIGN ME UP!!!

Slyde said...

heff: really? i have had 6 dogs growing up as a kid, and i had never once fucking heard of this before today.

earl: maybe they'll do a group rate!

B.E. Earl said...

In response to the absurd costs of veterinary care, I'd like to borrow a phrase from Joe Pesci in Lethal Weapon 2.

"They fuck you at the Vet's office!"

But at least they have the common courtesy to massage your anal glands afterward.

And then charge you for it, of course.

Slyde said...

it's just nice to have a placer to go when the need for ass-draining arises...

sybil law said...

Man, I wonder who would turn that shit down. They could probably charge you even more! Ugh.

MarkD60 said...

Man, I couldn't even read this post! You don't do that shit! Massaging anal glands! WTF!

Not So Simply Single said...

I like a good ass massage...

Just saying...

mo.stoneskin said...

Well I hope your dog's anal glands have paid you back your $20.

elisecrets said...

They massage your dog's ass for $20??

His ass??

So how come a therapist charges me £50 to do my shoulders?

Slyde said...

sybil: well, i'd certainly be willing to PAY more....

mark: i still can't believe i got thru WRITING it without puking...

simply: and i'd love to give you one :)

mo: not even close, bud...

elise: he JUST does your shoulders?

Chris H said...

You do not need to massage anything after you neuter your dog! But if you should have.. I didn't! I think your Vet was just trying to 'up' the fee some more!