No, I’m talking about the most exciting news that I’ve heard in months……
Survivor is once again accepting applications for contestants!
If you’ve been coming here for a while, you might recall that I have a SLIGHT obsession with that particular reality show.
Ok, ‘slight’ MIGHT be an understatement.
I fucking LOVE Survivor.
I have applied to be on the show 3 times now. The last time I applied, I actually came close to the final selection process where they were going to ask the public at large to vote on who they should put on the island. They had my video up on cbs.com and everything.
I came close enough last year to taste it. I’m sure you all remember my audition video, too. Hell, most of you chicks probably have it bookmarked so you can use it to get your rocks off every morning. I’m feeling lazy, but if you go through the archives, you can search for it if you are so inclined. Believe me, it’s worth it. I take off my clothes in it. Really.
And the WORST part of not making it past the final cut to get on Survivor this season?
It's THIS guy:
This is Rick. He’s a cowboy. Although he made it to the final 5 this year, he spent the entire season not winning ANY challenges, and barely speaking. He was just there as a patsy until the REAL players had no more use for him and slit his throat.
He’s ALSO the guy who beat me and stole my fucking spot on Survivor last year.
That, my friends, is completely unacceptable. It simply cannot happen again.
Anyway, as I said, last year I came close to FINALLY having a chance to be on the show. I don’t want to blow it again. And since I got a new high definition webcam for Christmas, America will now be able to see my rock-hard abs in the 1080p goodness that God intended.
The question, once again is, ‘What the fuck do I do for my audition video?’
I asked this last year, and some of ya’ll had some really good ideas. The reason I couldn’t do some of them, however, were two-fold:
- Although I DO have a camcorder, it’s kinda shitty and I worry about the quality of using it, so I forced myself last year to stick to doing it from the webcam.
- Many of you had good ideas, but they involved getting the help of others. And, well, I’m kinda shy like that. I’ve done every audition tape so far all by my lonesome. Shit, I don’t even like other people to be HOME when I make my audition tape. Last year, I sent the fam out for ice cream or some such shit. I’d kinda like to keep it that way if I can.
So, there you go. I want your bestest ideas. The deadline is January 10th, but I’d like to submit something before this week is over…..
…Because I’m still off from work this week, and I’ll still have the house to myself.
You wouldn’t think that someone who has the body of Hercules and the face of a runway model would be so demure and shy, but it is apparently true.