Tuesday, December 06, 2011

I'm Not As Funny As I Think I Am


In what is sure to be a trend here for the next 4 weeks, I will once again apologize for the lack of posting.  I'm sorry to say that it's pretty much going to be like this until life returns to normal after New Years, but I'll try to pop some Pearl's O' Wisdom on ya whenever I can.  Likewise for not visiting anyone else's blog in over a week now.... between work happenings and some other stuff, time has been short.

Anyway, speaking of my Pearl's O' Wisdom.....

Have you ever dreamt of something, and then woken up in the middle of the night thinking that what you just dreamt about was the damn FUNNIEST thing in the world?  That you just HAD to remember it when you woke up in the morning, because anyone you tell it to will piss their pants with laughter? 

Then, when you wake up the next day, you remember what you had dreamt about and think, "What the fuck?"

Seinfeld even did an episode about it once.  During the night he thought of the "Ultimate Joke", only to later realize it made no sense.

Well, last night was MY night.

I woke up at 3A.M., with literal tears in my eyes from the joke i just told myself in my dream.  I actually woke up still laughing.  I honestly considered getting up and writing it down, in the fear that i wouldn't remember it in the morning.

But luckily for you all, I DID remember!

You ready to be wowed?

OK, here we go.......

A friend comes up to me and tells me about this new burger joint that just opened up across town. 

He is RAVING to me about how good the burgers are!  He Tells me they are to DIE for!

The only drawback, he tells me, is the price. 

He tells me the burgers cost $100 each!

So, I turned to the guy and said.........

and said.........

you ready for it?

I said "The only way that I'd pay $100 for a hamburger was if it came with $99 crumpled between the buns!"

I'll wait here while you all find some Kleenex to wipe away the coffee you just spit onto your monitors from unexpected, uncontrollable laughter.

Thank Goodness that I'm so much wittier when I'm conscious....

14 comments:

sybil law said...

Not the worst I've heard, but... Wait, no- it might be the worst.
But hey - waking up laughing is AWESOME! I once had a dream that some goofy lady I worked with was showing me how she readied the blacberries for her cobbler - ala I Love Lucy- and she was smashing the blackberries with her feet. In my dream - hell - even now - it's just so funny to me.

Also: I think the buns had double meaning/ significance in your dream.

Slyde said...

if thats a question, then the answer is YES... i'd gladly put 99 singles into your buns...

sybil law said...

Crumpled?!
You sweet talker!

B.E. Earl said...

You were laughing in bed? I thought that was your wife's job? You know...the whole pointing and laughing thing. TEAM FRIZ!

A Daft Scots Lass said...

I'm slapping my thighs with laughter!

Next time just get them to swipe your card through my buns.

Its not nice, you swipe it twice!

Did I hear you groan?

MarkD60 said...

Now that right there is funny.
I only came here because of the bikini girl pic.

Heff said...

After B.E. Earl's comment, now HEFF WOKE UP LAUGHING !!!!

The Accidental Somebody said...

Well I think you're funny! I'm not sure I would have awakened laughing with tears rolling down my cheeks, but it was cute!

I enjoy your blog, you have a great way of writing, like you still have a very youthful mind inside a grown-up's body.

Looking forward to the next post!

Annabelle said...

Yeah...i forgive your bloggy m.i.a, I'm afraid I cannot forgive this unfunny.

I don't think I've ever woke up laughing, thats great!

Bouncin' Barb said...

I laughed Slyde. Honest to God! Really! I did. You believe me right?

Happy Mommy said...

I don't mind so much the irregularity of the posts, but... When do we get the answers to Two Truths and a Lie? And when will we find out how your talk with the no pee teacher went?
I've been hanging on the edge of these cliffs for months!!

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Well, it sure made a lot more sense than I *thought* it was going to make, being a dream & all. :-) :-) :-)

Slyde said...

earl: thats not the least bit funny, awake for sleeping...

daft: i wouldnt mind slapping your thighs sometime....

mark: why do you think i put them there...?

heff: dont ever encourage a hack...

accidental: thanks, sweetie. for what its worth, i still do pretty much everything i liked to do when i was 15

anna: maybe if i tickled you in bed?

barb: you, dear, would NEVER lie to me...

happy: i know, i know. ive been a very bad boy with those things. The pee story was really a non issue. The teacher said that he asks very often to go (which i dont believe) but since we spoke to her, shes been letting him go.

jill: yeah, dream logic never really seems to carry over into the real world, does it?

Dr Zibbs said...

I heard Shecky Green is looking for some joke writers.