You would never ever EVER think it by looking at my killer good looks, rock hard abs, and 12 inch dong, but I’m getting old.
How am I starting to come to this very sad realization?
I blame my grandfather.
Let me explain……
When I was a kid, I always considered Grandpa, God Bless him, to be old. But it wasn’t because of his actual age that I thought of him that way…..
It was because of the fact that he could never get ANYONE’S name right.
He would often confuse one pet with another. Family member’s names were often interchangeable. Once when he was calling me to dinner, he yelled out the dog’s name.
I didn’t take it personally, though. After all, he was old.
And now, Fuck it all to Hell, I’M starting to do it, too.
Since we got the puppy, it seems like my “Golden Girls”-like mind just can’t grasp the concept of having to remember ONE more new name, and now all the names that I DO have stuffed into my brain are all spilling out all over the place.
I keep calling the dog by the cat’s name, and vice versa. I’d say I do this about 90 percent of the time, now. Shit, even if I picked a RANDOM pet’s name every time, I’d only be getting it wrong 50% of the time!
And now, I have started to take my senility to the next level…
Last night I called my son by the dog’s name.
We all laughed it off, but deep down, I took a good look at myself and saw my grandfather laughing down from Heaven at me.
This shit needs to stop before I fall further down the road to adult diapers.
Because let me tell you, if I slip up and call Friz by the dog’s name, I will be in for one major ass-whuppin’.
One more thing that I’ve noticed about myself that confirms that I am turning in to my grandfather….
I’ve started saying “Huddycall”.
Whenever my grandfather didn’t know the name of something, he’d call it a huddycall. He’d say, “Go down in the basement and get me the huddycall”. Then I’d say, “You mean the screwdriver, grandpa?”. And he’d say, “Yeah, that!”.
I always just thought that huddycall was some funny name he’d made up for himself, or he was just mispronouncing “what do ya call it”….
Until today. I just looked up “Huddycall” in the Urban Dictionary and found:
Huddycall: A word common among the coal region in Northeastern PA. A word used as a filler when you can't remember what you were thinking of.
Which makes sense, kinda, since my grandpa grew up in Brockton, Mass.
But it IS nice to know that he wasn’t just spouting jibberish.
Cause THAT would have meant he was probably crazy, and that shit can run in the family, yo…..