Monday, November 28, 2011

Not Even A Swivel…..

First off, apologies for being AWOL the past week. With me taking some days off and relaxing during the Thanksgiving week, there wasn’t much of a hope in Hell for me doing any blogging last week. Expect a similar apology from me to be heading your way sometime after Christmas.

Anyway….

I know I use these pages to bitch about Friz a lot……

Well, let’s just go ahead and beat a dead horse, then, shall we?

Friz is one of those people who you simply can’t talk to until she’s had her first morning cup of coffee. She is just completely unresponsive until she’s had her caffeine fix. After all these years, that’s about the ONLY thing I have been able to figure out about her.

But I would STILL like to think that there are SOME things that might be able to shake her out of her morning coma….

Apparently not.

Yesterday, I woke up all bleary-eyed and descended our stairs so I could take the devil-puppy outside for his morning poo-poo. As I’ve mentioned in the past, we have installed a 3 foot high fence that runs across the length of our house, and is currently the only thing that keeps the peace in our home between our puppy and our cat.

Now, we’ve had this pup for 2 months now, so I have learned to live with having to high vault over the fence in order to get into the kitchen. But yesterday, at 8A.M and with sleep still in my eyes, I didn’t quite make it. I got halfway over the gate, when I slipped and my hey-nanny-nanny came crashing down on the gate. It probably would have been quite funny, if not for the fact that it just fucking happened TO ME!

Anyway, I’m writhing in pain on the floor, waiting for the commotion I just made to bring Friz over to help me.

When I’m finally able to open my eyes and see through my tears, what do I spy with my little eye?

Friz, with her back still to me, sitting on her little breakfast swivel stool nonchalantly still sipping her morning coffee.

Without even turning around to look at me, I hear “You ok?”

Then she takes another swig of her coffee.

For FUCK’S SAKE, I could be jetting blood out of my jugular by the time she deems my life worthy enough to swivel 90 fucking degrees to see if I’m still alive or not!

I would SOOOO not do that to HER, if SHE was the one who happened to trip over the fence….

Unless of course, I was in the middle of a game of Call of Duty.

But that’s different. The fate of the Free World could be at stake!

War is Hell, man…..

19 comments:

B.E. Earl said...

I'm Team Friz. I wouldn't have swiveled for ya either. The "You ok?" was sufficient. Needy much?

Slyde said...

i dont think you are athletic enough to swivel..

B.E. Earl said...

I spend half my life on a barstool. Swiveling is like breathing for me...

Slyde said...

how can you breath when you are sitting on your face?

sybil law said...

I feel like I've totally read this post before. It's really freaking me out, man.
Anyway, I'm with Friz and Earl. Stop whining! I just can't believe she wasn't laughing, too.

Slyde said...

et tu, Sybil? i thought we HAD something.....

Kristina said...

Thanks for the laugh today! If this happened to my husband, I would have probably swiveled around dying from laughing, then asked if he was OK. I would have definitely be laughing my butt off, but I have a feeling if Fritz would have done this, we would be ready a post about how UN-compassionate she is.

MarkD60 said...

You obviously don't know about the eyes in the back of womens heads.
I would recommend strategically placing poles along the border fence and pole vaulting instead of high jumping.

MarkD60 said...

PS I thought yer Mini Me was walking the dog?

Slyde said...

kristina: see? but you would have swivelled!

mark: yeah, we walk him together... but the dog is still chasing the cat, so the fences have to stay for now...

Bouncin' Barb said...

I get ignored like that all day long and it's got nothing to do with coffee. If I were bleeding profusely, I might get a look. Don't feel bad Slyde. No one can be as thoughtful as us!

elizabeth said...

I'm glad my hubby isn't the only one who goes into a comma during call of duty.... oh and psst i got a puppy too... and he is the reason I'm not having any more children.

The Accidental Somebody said...

It's not that she doesn't care...she just knows you're a rock star and so studly that even a racked set of balls won't keep you down. Now if it was me...well rock star or not, I would have been on my knees kissing it better.

Slyde said...

barb: aint that the truth?

liz: you want another puppy? im ready to thrown mine out the window...

accidental: you made that sound very dirty. thank you....

meleah rebeccah said...

Welcome back MIA Blogger!

And thanks for cracking me up, today!

Nantucket Daffodil said...

Thanks for stopping by. You made me laugh hysterically, which I really needed today. Perhaps she is just used to your gracefulness and knew you'd be fine. We have been chasing our 12 week old pug around too! Laps around the kitchen island...

Chris H said...

I hope your hey-nanny-nanny survived the fall!
OMG I know that feeling... well not the 'hey-nanny-nanny' bit, but certainly the falling over the dog fence bit!
I fell over ours dozens of times.

As for Fizz... she probably thought "Oh yaaa, his hey-nanny-nanny is out of order for a while'..... lol!

Cocaine Princess said...

I think you should start a poll- Team Fritz or Team Slyde.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

"I spend half my life on a barstool. Swiveling is like breathing for me..."

Sorry Slyde but WAY too funny! :-) :-) :-) Although, your response was pretty good too. :-) :-) :-)

I'm sorry for the lack of compassion over the fall. And she wasn't even like three rooms away with the noise muffled through a hallway or anything? That kind of stinks. I'd suggest marriage counseling if I thought it would do any good. But I never had any luck with it. I ended up divorced even after graduating from marriage counseling. Still, I mean...it can't actually hurt.