Thursday, October 27, 2011

People Are Stupid

Not ALL people, mind you.

Just everyone else except ME.

Exhibit A:

As I am still firmly entrenched in what we’ve come to call “Week 4 of the Puppy Seige”, I’ve been doing a lot of research on different ways to train a young dog.

One method that many trainers use today is called “Clicker Training”.

For those who aren’t familiar, basically you get one of those little hand-held clickers, and a shitload of little treats, and whenever you give your dog a command and he follows it correctly, you click the clicker and give him the treat. The idea being that he will quickly associate the ‘click’ with having done something ‘good’.

At this point, I’m willing to try ANYTHING, so I went down to the local Pet-Smart to get myself a clicker.

When I walked in, I was greeted by a 20-something chick who looked like she wanted to be ANYWHERE else but there. Undaunted, the following conversation took place:

Stud: Hi!

Chick: Can I help you?

Stud: Yes please. I’m looking for a clicker.

Chick: A what?

Stud: A Clicker.

Chick: Oooooooh, you mean something to cut a dog’s nails with.

….at which point I thought to myself , “What the FUCK is she talking about?”

Then I put two and two together and realized that SHE thought I had said that I wanted a ‘CLIPPER’.

Ok, honest and completely understandable mistake there.

Stud: No, not a clipper! A clicker! You use it to help you train a dog by clicking it when he does something correctly.

Chick: Oh, ok. Yeah, we have those. Follow me.

So I follow the chick down an aisle. She finally stops, reaches for something from the shelf, and hands me………

OK, so NOW I’m completely dumfounded. I JUST told this asshat 30 seconds previously that I most definitely did NOT want a nail clipper. I THEN relayed a fairly descriptive explanation of what I DID want. But I guess that part of our conversation just bounced around the cavernous, hollow area inside her head where it eventually died a lonely death, because she just chose to ignore that part of our conversation.

So, holding the clippers that she gave me in my hand, we proceeded to have a 10 second stare-down where I was trying to figure out if she was just fucking with me, or if she was really THAT stupid.

Finally settling on ‘stupid’, I repeated myself:

Stud: No, not a clipper! A clicker! You use it to help you train a dog by clicking it when he does something correctly.

Chick: Oh, no. We don’t carry that.

Now in the grand scheme of my life, was this a big deal? Of course not.

But I’m a tax-paying American, dammit, and I have a right to complain about anyone who wastes my time because they are stupider than me!

Plus, I needed to write a new blog post today.

It’s a Win-Win!


Heff said...

Is the TREAT ALONE not enough for the good job your pet does ?

That's a needy fuckin' puppy you've got there.

sybil law said...

Can't you just make a similar sound with your throat? I use the "finger snap" with the cats - and it works in damn near every situation. They come running when I snap my fingers - or run away, FAST, when they've done something wrong.
Don't buy a clicker, dude. That sounds dumb.

Slyde said...

guys, the clipper was .99 cents. At this point i'll pay whatever a puppy professional tells me to.

Heff said...

Wait - now I'M confused. You said "CLIPPER was 99 cents".



Verdant Earl said...

I had something sarcastic and angry to say, but Heff just cracked me up.

Heff wins this round. Well played, sir. Well played.

Slyde said...

heff: See? now she's got ME doing it!

earl: you're and angrly little elf, arent you?

Jill said...

I hate it when people try and help you when they don't know what they're talking about. Even though they really, really want to be helpful, they just end up wasting your time. I once had a woman in Home Depot tell me that they didn't sell electric screwdrivers. I literally ran into the electric screwdriver display as I turned away from talking to her.

Incidentally, I used to have a Jeopardy board game that came with small clickers that would probably work for what you're describing. I would send them to you if I still had them. :-(

Slyde said...

Thanks for the offer. Normally i would force you to buy an old Jeopardy game from ebay so you could send me the clickers, but in this case i was able to pick one up.

lucky for you.

Marlene said...

I'll bet they had clickers...she was just too stupid to know what one was, and didn't want to admit it, so she told you they didn't carry them.

P.S. I tried clicker training with my dog. Dumb little mutt didn't learn a thing.

Unknown said...

Tell me you didn't take that dumb bitch's word for it?!?

It's a Pet SUPPLY store!

As you know, we are also ass deep in puppy hell. I gotta say, praise for good and beating the palm of your hand with a rolled news paper for bad is working pretty well.

And for potty, we did a few days of only on leash (even inside) or in crate. The sneaking off to go potty has drastically declined.

Luv ya stud

latindog said...

The ironic thing is that you were the one going into the store to buy a "clicker" to train your dog and she is the stupid one.

MarkD60 said...

You should just get a cattle prod. Good puppy = treat
bad puppy = cattle prod
dumb chick = cattle prod

MarkD60 said...

I was just joking, I would never use a cattle prod on a puppy.

Radioactive Tori said...

I hate when people do things like this. I think they do it because they are assuming YOU are stupid and are correcting for you when really they should be listening to what you are actually saying. Hope the clicker works. Ours never really did but I think that is because we weren't consistent enough with it.

Anonymous said...

Latindog FTW...

Slyde said...

marlene: it actually seems to be working on mine..

anna: we LOAD on the praise, but no matter what we try... loud noises, coffee cans filled with change, water guns... he just gets mad at it and doesnt stop

latin: for someone who doesnt own so much as a goldfish, you really have NO idea what you're talking about....

mark: headed over to cattle right now.

radio: as i mentioned above, it does seem to work.

chris: Lemur FTL

The Accidental Somebody said...

You had me at "People are stupid"...didn't even have to read the post (which I did of course 'cause I knew it would rock!) to know that I was gonna high five the shit outta you.

I hate stupid people. You should have called her out on it instead of the stare-down. Of course, she still would have stared at you blankly...

meleah rebeccah said...

Wow. Now that chick is REALLY dumb!

Chris H said...

I suppose she was blonde too?

Susan Higgins said...

Have you ever watched Dog Whisperer? Have I asked you this question already?

It's all in how you approach the dog and talk to him... similar to talking to demented old people.

Cocaine Princess said...

Good Grief. Clipper and Clicker are words that don't even sound similar.

blondie1 said...

Note to self don't go into a store if you A: have a lisp, or B: been drinking perhaps she was DEAF, oh well, on another note DID you talk to the TEACHER about the no PEE Policy?

Punk Chopsticks said...

LMAO!!! Dumb people always make the best blog posts

Dr Zibbs said...

HAHAHAHA!!! Classic.

And laughed my ass off at "Stud"

Slyde said...

accidental: yeah, there really IS no winning, here...

meleah: word!

chrish: As a matter of fact, she WAS blonde!

sue: i havent actually seen his show, but ive watched some clips. i agree, he's amazing...

cocaine: not to me, either...

blondie: sometimes, when i drink, i DEVELOP a bit of a lisp...

punk: dont they, though?

Zibbs: You mean you laughed because it's true, right?

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Was she blonde? Silly Bitch!