Monday, October 03, 2011

The Balls Of Some People

Sorry for the minimalist posting last week, but between the house construction and the new puppy tearing my house and my cat apart, I was in serious need of a Calgon Moment to take me away.

Anyway, concerning the construction…..

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I am in the process of having an in-ground pool put in my backyard. Now, for anyone out there who’s gone through this already, you KNOW how stressful it can be. Between dealing with the contractors, the builders, the town board, and a million other piss-ant groups who need a check from me before they’ll do their job, I’m ready to pull your hair out.

But that’s not why I’m posting today…. THAT was just me venting a bit.

No, my rage today has to deal with nosy fucking neighbors and how people need to mind their own damn business.

I’ll back up a bit….

I was in my backyard yesterday, cleaning up a bit, when who pops his head over his side of the fence but my neighbor.

Now, I don’t have a real issue with my neighbor. I mean, I’m not too happy with the fact that every 6 months or so he seems to think it’s JUST DANDY to have a Sunday night outdoor party until Midnight, because I guess people in HIS world don’t work on Monday….

But, he’s friendly enough. Our kids go to school together, and he generally minds his own business. That’s about all I really ask from people who live next to me. But, if I’ve said 200 words to him in my lifetime, I’d be surprised.


My new friend pops his head over the fence, and the following conversation takes place:

Neighbor: Hey, you’re getting a new pool?

Stud: Yup.

Neighbor: How much did it cost you?

Did he REALLY just ask me that? I was SURE I had misheard him.

Stud: Excuse me?

Neighbor: How much did it cost? I bet at least $40,000!

At this point I went from friendly to pissed-off pretty much instantly. So, I quickly decided that I really didn’t need this nosy prick as a friend after all, and decided to act like a pompous ass just to irk him.

Stud: Yeah, I guess. A lot more than that once I put in my solar heating and landscaping! I really haven’t been paying too much attention to the cost……

Neighbor: So, you got a home equity loan?

The fucking BALLS on this guy!

Stud: Nope.

Neighbor: Oh, you worked out a payment plan with the pool company?

Stud: Nope. I paid cash. I don’t like to have bills over my head.

And when I said it, I said it really obnoxiously, like how much money this was costing was the most insignificant thing in the world. Really. If someone spoke to ME with that kind of attitude, I’d probably punch the pompous ass in the nuts.

Neighbor: Really? Wow.

Stud: Yup. Great talking with you!

And with that, I walked back into my house with a happy-go-lucky, carefree spring in my step.

I can’t wait till he gets a new car so I can waltz over there and ask to see his checkbook to make sure he can afford it.


Verdant Earl said...

He should know that your drug-dealing business brings in a lot of cash that you need to dispose of. Silly neighbor

cc: FBI, IRS, DEA, IKEA (they make cheap, nice furniture)

Slyde said...

i could really use a nice, lucrative drug-dealing business about now...

Marlene said...

Oh my goodness...some people really DO have balls!

Unknown said...

WOW. I don't think the word "ballsy" even comes close to describing that guy.

Slyde said...

marlene: indeed.

Kristina: i agree. I really could not believe the conversation. I didnt cut things out or paraphrase it at all, either.

sybil law said...

That guy's just a douche nozzle!

blondie1 said...

I would say he has some "Kahoonas" and GIGANTUS sized ones Oh nice puppy by the way AS long as you don't spell it "Aussie" as in Australia because THEY so are NOT going to win the RWC ( being held here at the moment)

themajessty said...

You need to come to China some time.

The people here can be really quite rude in the sense that they make sure to ask you how much your appliances/house/car costs SO they can seize you up and then decide if they should invite you to their birthday dinner or not.

Which can lead to some awkward deflections because most people are generally not comfortable with talking about their monthly income or whatever.

MarkD60 said...

That's not balls, it's ass-holiness

Tamara said...

That's just rude. I have a neighbour like that too. No boundaries.

Slyde said...

sybil: i fully support the naming of the nozzle!

blondie: one day, i will visit your part of the world.. i'd love to see it someday.

lemons: thats surprising. I wouldnt have thought that about the Chinese culture...

mark: agreed!

tam: maybe we have the same neighbor?

GEM said...

Ha!Ha! Very funny, love the way you handled this guy. Can you imagine what he must be thinking now about you? More prying questions will ensue I'm sure

Radioactive Tori said...

I hate when people ask these kind of questions. I'm not sure what makes them think it is their business unless they would like to pay for it for me. When I first got married whenever we bought anything my mother in law would ask how much it was and no matter what we would tell her the price was she'd say "must be nice to be rich". Sometimes that was about dishwasher soap, no joke. After a while I got tired of always playing "price is right" with her after every purchase she knew about and told her that if I tell her how much something was then she needs to pay for it because clearly the only reason she would need to know is if she were about to write the check.

blondie1 said...

Edit about T shirts I managed to find some really cool pics of scooby doo and photoshopped some words on it and now the T shirt firm here in my hometown are as I type making up the shirts COOL!!!!!

I will of course pop the finished product on my blog.....

Ciao Blondie
Aotearoa (NZ)

Anonymous said...

The nosy f*ing...

Seriously. I never ask those questions. So I never answer then.

meleah rebeccah said...

wow. your neighbor is a dick. who asks those kinds of questions? Geez.

Bruce Johnson said...

I like the way you worked the words Calgon and Stud into the same blog. You are the transgendered god.

I bet you are one of the thousands that keep voting for Chaz Bono on DWTS.

If you want to hear about real construction nightmares, wait till our bathroom remodel is finished, complete with pictures!!!