Friday, September 02, 2011

Day 6 Under Siege

6 days so far without power.

6 mother fucking days.

I am about one day away from going completely feral…… sleeping outside in filth, eating rats and berries, and slinging my poo at passerbyes….

Honestly, I think I’ve handled this pretty damn spiffily so far, but now, after almost a week of this crap, I am seriously about to fucking lose my shit.

And let’s give a big FUCK YOU to L.I.P.A. (the Long Island Power Authority) who continue to show ineptitude day after day. On Wednesday, they told me to expect power back on before nightfall. We got zilch. On Thursday, they told me they were sending a team out at 8pm and that they would work all night until the problem was resolved and that I should expect power by the time I woke up.

Not only do I have the exact fucking OPPOSITE of ‘power’ right now, but I checked every few hours during the night and absolutely NO ONE came last night! When I called again this morning to complain, I was told that a crew DID come last night, but assessed that it was a “High Voltage Situation” and they weren’t prepared to deal with that, so they left.

What The Fuck????

Granted, I’m no electrician, but it would seem to me that ANY fucking time you’re dealing with power lines, it tends to be a fucking high fucking voltage fucking situation. Maybe it’s me.

Anyway, since sitting in the darkness before finally taking a sleeping pill and going to bed by 8:45 started growing old, I’ve spent the past few nights going to the movies. It was down to either staring at my watch and watch the hour hand move, or committing Sepaku.

Anyway, here are the movies I’ve seen:

Spy Kids 4 – With Aromavision! Seriously. They give you a piece of paper with 8 numbers on it, and during the movie they tell you to scratch a certain number and get the appropriate smell. It all smelled like the same crappy cologne to me, but Mini-Me couldn’t get enough of it. He laughed his little butt off during this movie, so I’d say this film was a hit.

Rise of The Planet Of the Apes – This was hands-down the best movie of the summer for me. A lot of critics have complained that the human performances were sub-par and dopey, and you know what, they’re right, but just like I fast forward all the crappy dialogue in Titanic to watch the awesome scenes of the ship sinking, when the apes start waging war this movie goes into hyper drive and kicks serious ass! I loved every minute.

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark – Being a Huge fan since I was a kid of the original, I walked into this a tad skeptical, but in the end, even though they really fiddled with the premise from the original, I really liked this one, too. The story of a couple moving into an old mansion, only to discover that the basement has some sub-human dwellers, is really creepy. The original used to give me nightmares as a kid, and this one had enough scares for me to consider it a win as well.

Anyway, since there are no more movies out that I want to see, and in the past week I have consumed more Twizzlers than my body weight, I can only pray that this is fixed soon.


Anonymous said...

Oh my shit! How have you not lost your fucking marbles yet??? If I were in your situation I would most definately be a raging alcoholic by now. Hope they get it fixed soon.

Slyde said...

thanks sugar.. you and me both...

sybil law said...

And YOU wanted to be on Survivor, right? Or some other, similar show?!!

Seriously. It does suck.
Although I can totally picture feral Slyde. Kinda like Mango from SNL, only much dirtier.

Slyde said...

i have a much better body than Kris Kattan.

and i have thought about the Survivor thing, and its apples and oranges. If i was to finally get on the show, i'd resign myself to knowing that i was living wild for 40 days. This thing im doing now, hoping each time i wake up that the power is on, is killing me.

Verdant Earl said...

I'm a big fan of the original DBAOTD too. I'm thinking about seeing the new one this weekend. Fright Night too, because it looks like they went with making it a scary flick instead of more comedy.

Susan Higgins said...

What did you do to piss off the power Gods?

Cocaine Princess said...

OMG- we usually have power outages during heavy winter storms and the most we've gone without electricity is not more than 24rs but 6 DAYS???? HOLY HELL!! My thoughts are with you, your lovely Fitz and Mini~Me. Here's hoping the power returns soon!!

Unknown said...

What if everyone else's power is on --- just not yours?

And what if its because the power company guys have penis envy? Yeah they know what a punch youre packin in those jorts (jean shorts, duh) of yours and they are so jealous they are leaving you without power.

See Slyde, busted, beat up snatches are not the only cost you pay for such endowments. The lord givith...and the LIPA taketh away.

ps - is it REALLY your bday?

BB said...

Damn should send the bill for the movie tickets and twizzlers to the power company. That is nuts. I know I have family in CT that didn't get theirs on until yesterday. Hope it comes back on for you today. Fingers crossed.

Slyde said...

earl: yeah, it was down last night between AFRAID and FRIGHT NIGHT. Almost saw that instead. it tanked but got good reviews...

sue: i wish i knew..

cocaine: yeah, this is the longest ive ever gone too..

anna: yeah, i always knew my big weenus would come back to bite me one day (not literally!)

And yes, today is my birthday!

barb: yeah, i know i shouldnt comoplain... 79 thousand other people as of this morning still without power too, here on LI.

Lil' Nigglet said...

WTF yoo mean, planet of the "apes" ??

Marlene said...

Oh man, six days without power? I'm surprised you haven't killed anyone yet!!! I'd have no hair left after six days...because I'd be pulling it all out!!! (And I have a lot of hair.)

Bruce Johnson said...

One of the best things I ever purchased for Burning Man in 2007 was a little portable Honda Generator. It really blew my budget, but the thing has paid for itself a thousand times over. Look into one. Trust me, you will use it, especially with the infrastructure of the country starts to break down. You know it will. Katrina and Irene are just the tip of the iceberg.......(you do own guns don't you?)

themajessty said...

I've been watching Disney movies for the past two weeks.

You can say it's cute, or you can say I'm destined to be friendless for life.

MarkD60 said...

During Hurricane Ivan, I went over a month without power. Almost all the electric poles got knocked down. The crazy thing is that they ran power up the main street, and I lived on the corner. They only had to get power to the first pole on my street for me to be back on line.

Also after Ivan, I remember being sick and tired of drinking only room temperature water. I can still tell all the name brands of bottled water by taste.

After Ivan, I bought a generator.

Sandra said...

Of course I hope you get power soon. But in the meantime, I have to say, your movie reviews are awesome and hilarious. And personally, if you do start flinging poo, can you video cam it because that's totally blog worthy.

The Accidental Somebody said...

Your fuse seems to be a little out..I mean...please don't hit me.

If I may ask a stupid question, where is your computer being juiced?

Keeping my fingers crossed for some electricity SOON!

meleah rebeccah said...

damn dude. I hope you have power by now!

Tamara said...

Happy belated! Sorry I missedit.

And six days?!?! I live in Africa and I've never had that happen. Four days was my worst. Although, to be fair, we had no water for part of that too, which made it feel like longer.

Radioactive Tori said...

Wow! That is a long time! I hope it comes back on very soon. Either that or I hope that more movies come out that you want to see.