Tuesday, August 23, 2011

What’s In The Box????

There have been times, after I have posted something here, that I look back on what I wrote, and reflect to myself , “I just shared a little TOO much.”

This is probably gonna be one of those times.

If you’ve been around these parts for a while, then you know that I have been prone to having some pretty messed up dreams from time to time.

Well, Ladies and Gents, I do believe we have ourselves a Winnah!!!

Let me recount for you my dream from last night…….

In my dream, I was petering around my house, when I realized that I was quite hungry.

Actually, “hungry” doesn’t really do justice to the state I was in. I was RAVENOUS!

So, my sexy dream self decided to go into the kitchen to see what kind of left-overs we had in the fridge.

No sooner did I open the fridge, when I started tearing open every container I could find to see what there was to eat.

The problem was, no matter how many Tupperware containers I opened, I could find NOTHING to eat. One container had spoiled Chinese food, the next was empty with just crumbs inside, the next one had some food that I can’t stand, like Eggplant, in it……

On and on and on….

Now, at this point, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that this so far is the lamest and most BORING dream that was ever dreamt in all of Dreamland.

Well, hold on to your hats…..

Because, just when I was about to give up my search and go hungry, I found one last Tupperware container in the back of the fridge.

So, I pulled it out, set it down on the counter, and when I peeled back the lid, I discovered that it was full of………

of……..

Well, of…….

Penises.

Yeah, that’s right. I said it. The container was filled to the brim with dozens of penises.

And whoever had put them in there did so very lovingly, because they weren’t just thrown in there all hap hazardly. Lord knows I wouldn’t have taken the time to place them in there all nice and organized, but THAT’S just how they were placed, all neatly splayed on top of each other.

They were all even facing the same direction!

Clearly, SOMEONE really cares about the contents of their Tupperware.

Anyway, although I’m FAIRLY certain that, in real life, if I came home to find a box of severed penises in my refrigerator, it would probably put me in some level of distress, my Dream Me seemed to be just fine with it.

MORE than fine with it, actually.

You see, I was still hungry.

So, Dream Me started trying to decide how I was going to cook them up.

Should I bake them? Bread them? Or maybe just throw em on the Barbeque basted with a little Teriyaki?

A Penis shish-kabob, perhaps?

Anyway, while Dream Me was trying to decide just what Emeril Lagasse might do in this situation, my alarm went off and I woke up.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so fucking glad to have to get up to work in the morning.

Ok then. This is the part where I’d normally ask you to go easy on me, but who am I kidding?

Go for it. Be your most vicious. I can take it.

That which does not kill me, makes me stronger.

I promised myself I would blog about this, and I did it.

No one can say that I don’t have balls.

And penises. LOTS of penises.

31 comments:

sybil law said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I think it's best to let you figure this out on your own.
I mean, I don't want to PUSH you out of the closet.
Mmmmmm... penis pie....

Hahahahahahahaha

Candy's daily Dandy said...

If i had to venture a guess...I think it has something to do with the fact that you are obviously, ravenously searching for something that you cannot seem to find...

and that your frustration seems to make you feel castrated.

But Sybil could be right..closeted?
Perhaps.:)

Slyde said...

Sybil: Mmmmmm, pie....... wait, what?

Candy: Maybe im searching for pie....

Cocaine Princess said...

Oh my Lord-- penises in Tupperware?!?!?!

It honestly sounds like something a demented killer in a horror movie might keep!

meleah rebeccah said...

Okay, that was the craziest dream - evah.

Now I am afraid to check the Tupperware in my own fridge!

Slyde said...

cocaine: agreed.... im afraid to leave my bedroom!

meleah: you BETTER be afraid... i just broke in and left it in your refigerator...

Tammy H said...

I am thinking that you should be saying thank freaking god your alarm went off.

Perhaps you need a boys night out where everyone gets shitfaced, acts like jackasses to remind you that penises are bad for digestion.

2abes said...

Thats just wrong. At least you said penis instead of cock. It sounds nicer. Cock sounds much worse. Wait....its bad either way. maybe you were about to toss them in your salad.....hahahahaha....

Slyde said...

Tammy: i dont need to get shitfaced to act like a jackass...

abes: Maybe i should have said 'wee wee'...?

B.E. Earl said...

This is so fake.

Everyone knows you dream about cock EVERY night!

Annabelle said...

hmmmm....i dunno my friend....when i dream of dick, it just means i want/need some dick.

seems pretty simple.

though, the fact they aren't attached and are chilled, is a bit of a concern.

Mrs. Hall said...

FOR ONCE, JUST THIS ONCE

i got nothing.

WHICH SHOULD REALLY TELL YOU SOMETHING.

bizarre dream dude. let's hope it never happens again!

Shania said...

Someone with more of a psychology background than me is going to have to take this one.

The Accidental Somebody said...

How to serve them up? Well my friend, it's about time you learn that dick is best hard, warm, and attached to the man it belongs to.

That post totally made my day. Thank you. :)

AlleyCat said...

bahahahaha deep fried dick hey??? gold.

whats wrong with eggplant!!!

Paula said...

Maybe your mind made the association- like you know Tupperware parties are euphemisms for dildo buying parties?

Slyde said...

earl: Also, when i nap during the day...

anna: i have absolutely no answer to that....

hall: wow, i have silenced Holly... im proud of myself!

shania: agreed.

Accidental: wow, i do think that you just turned me on a little...

alley: i dont think i'd eat them deep fried... it might upset my stomach..

paula: i'm glad that a female FINALLY admitted that!

radioactive girl said...

What a crazy dream! Sounds a lot like the dreams I have, although I have never had a container of penises in my dreams...yet...probably I will tonight now that I said it's never happened.

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CPalermo21 said...

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Slyde said...

radio: so? did you have that dream last night or what?

anon: ooh! low cost viagra! im in!

anon: very inviting poop? wtf?

chris: Even with this dream, i'm still by far the most normal of the group...

anon: you got it! i'll dream about more penises in 2012 for sure!

@eloh said...

This is great, makes my dreams seem almost "normal".

Marlene said...

Deep fried and dipped in ranch...just like my dill pickles. YUM! :)

(Yes, I'm a sick cookie.)

Tamara said...

Wow. And I thought my dreams were freaky.

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