What’s up with all you chicks and the Lifetime channel, anyway?
Seriously, I just can’t wrap my mind around what the Hell keeps you guys coming back to that channel, time after time, to watch one crappy movie after another.
Every fucking night, I try to wrench the remote from Friz, so I can watch something of substance, like Die Hard, and I am inevitably greeted with “You can watch your stupid show when MY movie is done.”
Then I look at the screen, and of course I see that damnable Lifetime logo on the bottom…..
But hey, I’m a reasonable person. I’ll often sit down on the couch, and see if this movie that has her so engrossed is anything actually worth watching.
EVERY STORY REVOLVES AROUND THE SAME FUCKING 3 PREMISES EVERY DAMN TIME!!!!!
What’s that, you say? You won’t be home tonight to be able to watch the Thursday night movie on Lifetime?
Well, I don’t have a TV Guide in front of me, but let me take a wild stab at what tonight’s movie will be about….
1) A wife gets into a car accident and gets amnesia. Watch her painful struggle as she tries to remember who the fuck she is, while she starts a new life somewhere else and bangs someone who isn’t her husband…..
2) A wife gets roughed up a lot by her abusive husband. Watch her painful struggle as tries to leave a bad marriage, while she starts banging a new guy who is NOT her husband, but seems really swell….
3) A wife has a painful secret from her youth. Usually that means that she either murdered someone in self defense, or she was a hooker (or both!). Watch her painful struggle as she is blackmailed into banging someone in order to keep him quiet, while she struggles to keep her family together.
And THAT’S FUCKING IT!
Over and over and over.
Different casts, different locations, people wear different hats and shit, but it’s basically the SAME DAMN premises again and again!
I can’t fucking stand it anymore. I honestly don’t understand how you gals can sit thru this dreck again and again…..
The best part is that Friz doesn’t even seem to remember which ones she’s seen and which ones she hasn’t seen already. Sometimes I’ll ask to use the TV, and she tells me that she is in the middle of a movie, and I’ll take a gander at the screen only to see Melissa Gilbert getting chased through a forest AND I KNOW DAMN WELL THAT SHE WATCHED THIS SAME SHITTY MOVIE TWO DAMN MONTHS AGO!
When I tell her that she’s seen this one already, all I’m given as a reply is, “Really? Yeah this DID seem kinda familiar. But I don’t remember how it ends so I still want to watch it.”
How it ends? HOW IT ENDS?
It ends with Melissa Gilbert getting away and starting a new life! JUST LIKE EVERY FUCKING ONE OF THESE SHITCAN MOVIES END!
And while we’re on the topic of Melissa Gilbert, what the fuck is up with her being in EVERY damn one of these movies, anyway? I thought Hollywood was FULL of washed up 70’s actresses…. Why the hell do they have to keep plowing THAT same field over and over again? Geez, give someone else their big break, won’t ya?
Seriously, this crappy channel is cutting into my time to watch REAL quality programming….
I just got Predator on Blu-ray, for Gosh Sakes!!!!