Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Ok, full confession time here.
I FULLY intended to just phone one in today and put up a bullshit, easy-peasy post with a youtube clip that I found funny, but then Barb had to give me a shout out telling all the interwebs about how awesome I am, so NOW I feel compelled to actually WRITE something today.
Thanks a lot! What the Hell did I ever do to you?
Now I feel all sorts of pressure about what I’m going to write. I didn’t sign up for this. Barb just wrote all this stuff about how damn funny I am, and now I feel like the center stage is on me, because if someone from HER site reads about how poop-your-pants funny I am, and then comes over here and the first post they see is me talking about my grocery list, then they are going to think that I suck and never come back. It’s kinda like that one time in 3rd grade when I tripped over my shoelace in dodge ball and lost the game for my team. Those little shits ALWAYS picked me last after that! Every damn time! That’s a lot of stress for a little kid wearing Hulk Underoos to have to deal with, yo.
What the Hell was I talking about again?
Oh yeah, the pressure to be funny.
Actually, this whole thing reminds me of some friends that I used to have at my last job. Come to think of it, ‘Friends’ might be a bit too strong….. they were more like ‘co-workers who I didn’t mind spending some free time with’.
This group of people had this regular thing where they would get together once a month after work and have a big group dinner/night out. It wasn’t really a “Happy Hour” thing.. it was more like a big group meal. After I had been working there a few months, they started asking me to join them, so I did.
The problem is, these people loved being around me. I mean LOVED it. They thought I was funny as shit, and they only wanted me to join them so I could crack them up at dinner like I did around the office.
That’s cool. I learned a long time ago that my sense of humor got me in good with many people on the rare times when my movie-star good looks looks failed me.
The problem was that these people were SO damn annoying about it. No sooner would I walk in to dinner than the whole group would stare at me with these dopey-ass grins on their faces, just WAITING for me to say something funny. If I decided not to play along and not say anything, then they would attempt to bait me and set me up so I could deliver a funny punch line.
“So Slyde…. Can you believe what Kathy from accounting did today?”
Then the asshat who started it would stare at me with the world’s biggest shit-eating grin on their face, and I just KNEW he was thinking …
“Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy! I just set him up big time! I can’t wait to hear what he says about that!”
And I would look out across the table, and see every damn one of these lemmings staring at me waiting for me to put on my comedy show.
And it would really piss me off.
I would just respond with a succinct “Yeah, that was sure something.” and go back to my meal. The crest-fallen looks I saw on everyone’s face told me that each one of these jerks were thinking “Hey, that wasn’t funny at all!” silently made my day.
Eventually, I got tired of being the main attraction for their evenings and stopped going to the dinners.
I just read this back and, in retrospect, a story about how I sometimes try NOT to be funny isn’t very fucking funny at all, but I just took 20 minutes to write it so Damn It All, you’re going to read it.
It really IS a challenge trying not to just coast thru life on my looks. It would be so damn easy, too. Like taking candy from a baby.
Scrawled by Slyde at 8/16/2011 12:00:00 PM