Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Nuthin’ But Net

I am currently suffering from a bit of a dilemma.

And no, my issue ISN’T trying to decide which is my most photogenic side. We all know by know that I am EQUALLY scrumptious from both left, right, and center. Even from behind I am a site to behold. Anyone who has met me can jump right in and verify that I have a completely delectable buttocks. It’s perfectly round… like a ripe apple, just waiting to be plucked.

What the hell was I talking about again? Oh yeah, my dilemma.

No, my current issue is of the ‘moral’ variety.

Specifically, should I steal my neighbor’s basketball hoop?

Let me back up a bit….

Our neighbors, who I never liked one Hot Damn, abandoned their house almost 2 years ago. Like many Americans, due to the recession and housing implosion, they were no longer making ends meet, and I guess paying a monthly $600,000 mortgage on a house that was NOW worth about HALF that no longer made sense to them, so they figured it would just be better to walk away. They left in the middle of the night, and we have never seen them again.

And I guess, with the glut of foreclosures in the past few years, the bank is taking their sweet time in putting it back up for sale. The house has been completely abandoned during this entire time.

Anyway, last week, Mini-Me came up to me, out of the blue, and told me that he wants to go to basketball camp. Remarkable really, since he’s never shown any interest in it, but I’m just happy that my son wants to try his hand at ANY sport. Then, he told me that he would like a basketball hoop for our driveway so he can practice.

Then I remembered that our neighbors had just bought a brand-spankin’ new basketball hoop a few months before they high-tailed it outta town.

A quick walk over to their backyard on Saturday confirmed that it IS in fact just sitting there, in their abandoned backyard, collecting leaves and dust.

That little devil, who has gotten me into oh-so-much trouble in the past, popped onto my shoulder.

“Just take the damn thing!” he whispered.

And after all, why SHOULDN’T I take it? The bank, if it ever gets around to it, is just probably going to throw it in the dumpster when they clean out the house. The damn things cost about $300 bucks, for gosh sakes! Besides, my neighbors were complete assholes…. I think I should be awarded that basketball net as combat pay for all the fucking mornings they woke me up at 5am backing their truck in and out of their garage for SOME damn reason which I never was able to figure out…

Am I rationalizing? Yeah, probably. When I told Mini-Me I was thinking about taking it, he asked me if it was ‘stealing’. I told him it wasn’t, but he’s old enough to know that I’m full of shit most of the time.

But screw it. I want to get my son a basketball net, and I don’t want to pay for one.

What say you, you homeowners out there? Would YOU take it?

25 comments:

badgerdaddy said...

Fucking right I would.

Suzi Q said...

I'd do it!

sybil law said...

I would.
But I'm not sure what these "morals" are you speak of.

CPalermo21 said...

I would. But, has your son SEEN you standing next to any other adult? Does he realize that, genetically speaking, he'd be better off trying to sprout wings than become a basketball player?

Kaarin Engelmann said...

I would....it's been abandoned, like trash on the curb.....

Bouncin' Barb said...

I would definitely if they have abandoned. What's the worst that can happen. Someone asks for it back? Just take it at night when nosey neighbors are not seeing you.

Bouncin' Barb said...

Better yet, you take the hoop and we'll be squatters in the house.

Mistakenly Misunderstood said...

Do it. Just tell your mini that your not stealing it but borrowing it!

Malka said...

Don't ask me for moral guidance. My advice could send you to Hell.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Take it. The Evil Twin (my husband) hopped the fence and tore down an unused laundry pole in our neighbors' back yard. No one ever used it, it was rusted and an eye sore. Plus, the owners were in their 90s (The oldest one passed away a few yrs ago). No one misses that ugly laundry pole. My husband also takes other trashy items around that house and puts them in the garbage. LOL.

Annabelle said...

I don't get the dilemma.

Abandoned means not wanted. So up for the taking.

I tell my kids all the time, if they leave their shit lying out in the yard, don't come crying if it disapears.

Take it. Enjoy it.

Marlene said...

That poor basketball net is sitting there all alone, abandoned. It has no little boy to play with it. It is feeling neglected. Come on, you've seen Toy Story, haven't you?!! Take the damn thing!

Lotus07 said...

I would have taken it and sold it 24 hours after they moved out. It isn't stealing if they have abandoned it. It isn't part of the house.

2abes said...

Acquire the abandonded net. It will most likely be thrown away. Good for Mini Me basketball a shot.

"Even from behind I am a site to behold", I bet you've heard that before....."beholded"....ouch

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Is it really worth it? What if the bank did already did an inventory of everything in and around the house.

Then lo an behold, the basketball net shows up next door?

Pony up the cash and teach your kid a lesson aboout how stealing is unacceptable.

Raquel's World said...

Don't steal it "borrow it". Hell people are always on my street playing with my b-ball goal. And you can tell the bank I said so.

Heff said...

Take it. And while you're at it, procure all the copper from their air unit.

Possum said...

I call it "sharing" - especially when it comes to things like plant cuttings for my garden. Others might well call it redistribution of wealth. In this case I would call it "caretaking" in that you are lovingly looking after it in case it gets stolen. Of course the only way for it not to be stolen is to bolt it up at the appropriate height and then of course you could throw balls at it.

Bob S. said...

I don't get how this is even a dilemma.

You don't own the basketball goal.
You aren't owed money by the absentee homeowners or bank.

You would be stealing. Flat and simple -Taking property that doesn't belong to you.

Then what do you tell Mini-Me when he does the same thing at school or some place else?

MarkD60 said...

I would probably take it, unless I had a child who would see me take it, and then think it's Ok to take things that don't belong to him.
You may be able to obtain it with a clear conscience, if you say someone over there and asked.....

meleah rebeccah said...

Hell yes, I would hijack that basketball net from your abandoned neighbors house, and right quick!

B.E. Earl said...

It's abandoned. Take it.

Susan Higgins said...

I wouldn't take it because I'd be concerned about any negative Karma associated with the thing. If it's on the curb or just about to be put in a dumpster, I'd ask if I could have it. It would be stealing to just take it. Mini-me is right. :)

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Oh now Bruce has a good point. I hadn't thought of that.

But I think you should borrow it. I think you should borrow it & use it until new owners move in. And then give it back. It could be months or years and when they DO move in, they might not even want it.

I don't think it's necessarily right to take it (although Bruce does make a good case for that) but salvaging it and making sure a perfectly good basketball net isn't hauled off to the dump seems perfectly reasonable to me. And sure you'd take your chances with the new owners, but it seems like pretty good chances.

Cocaine Princess said...

No I wouldn't take it so I guess that makes me the black sheep!