And no, my issue ISN’T trying to decide which is my most photogenic side. We all know by know that I am EQUALLY scrumptious from both left, right, and center. Even from behind I am a site to behold. Anyone who has met me can jump right in and verify that I have a completely delectable buttocks. It’s perfectly round… like a ripe apple, just waiting to be plucked.
What the hell was I talking about again? Oh yeah, my dilemma.
No, my current issue is of the ‘moral’ variety.
Specifically, should I steal my neighbor’s basketball hoop?
Let me back up a bit….
Our neighbors, who I never liked one Hot Damn, abandoned their house almost 2 years ago. Like many Americans, due to the recession and housing implosion, they were no longer making ends meet, and I guess paying a monthly $600,000 mortgage on a house that was NOW worth about HALF that no longer made sense to them, so they figured it would just be better to walk away. They left in the middle of the night, and we have never seen them again.
And I guess, with the glut of foreclosures in the past few years, the bank is taking their sweet time in putting it back up for sale. The house has been completely abandoned during this entire time.
Anyway, last week, Mini-Me came up to me, out of the blue, and told me that he wants to go to basketball camp. Remarkable really, since he’s never shown any interest in it, but I’m just happy that my son wants to try his hand at ANY sport. Then, he told me that he would like a basketball hoop for our driveway so he can practice.
Then I remembered that our neighbors had just bought a brand-spankin’ new basketball hoop a few months before they high-tailed it outta town.
A quick walk over to their backyard on Saturday confirmed that it IS in fact just sitting there, in their abandoned backyard, collecting leaves and dust.
That little devil, who has gotten me into oh-so-much trouble in the past, popped onto my shoulder.
“Just take the damn thing!” he whispered.
And after all, why SHOULDN’T I take it? The bank, if it ever gets around to it, is just probably going to throw it in the dumpster when they clean out the house. The damn things cost about $300 bucks, for gosh sakes! Besides, my neighbors were complete assholes…. I think I should be awarded that basketball net as combat pay for all the fucking mornings they woke me up at 5am backing their truck in and out of their garage for SOME damn reason which I never was able to figure out…
Am I rationalizing? Yeah, probably. When I told Mini-Me I was thinking about taking it, he asked me if it was ‘stealing’. I told him it wasn’t, but he’s old enough to know that I’m full of shit most of the time.
But screw it. I want to get my son a basketball net, and I don’t want to pay for one.
What say you, you homeowners out there? Would YOU take it?