Friday, July 22, 2011

Men Are From Mars…

Men and Women really ARE wired differently. We just operate on completely different wavelengths.


Exhibit A….. A conversation from last night:

She: Hey, have you ever heard from our old neighbors John and Mary?

Me: God no! After they got divorced and sold the house, I never saw either one of them again.

She: Thank goodness for that. They were so weird.

Me: I didn’t think they were so bad. He was nice, at least.

She: You know that they were swingers, right?

Me: Yeah, they had mentioned it to me once or twice.

She: Me too. She asked me a few times if we ever wanted to join them at one of their clubs.

Me: Is that so?

She: I think she wanted you.

Me: You think?

She: Yeah, I could tell by the way she always looked at you.

Me: If you say so….

She: ……

Me: What?

She: So, if I had said it was OK, would you have slept with her?

Me: With Mary? Sure.

She: WHAAAAT?

Me: What ‘what’?

She: You would have just screwed her?

Me: Yeah, if you told me to go for it…. Sure I would.

She: But you said it yourself that she was weird…

Me: Yeah… so?

She: So? You said you found her odd.

Me: Odd? Yeah, I guess. But she was cute enough.

She: Well, she had a really nice body, I’ll give her that.

Me: And who the Hell have you been living with for 15 years to think that I would need more than that?

She: …………

Me: Do you think that I wouldn’t want to bang her once I learned that she doesn’t recycle?

She: You are an asshole. A very shallow asshole.

Me: By the way, If you happen to see her, tell her from me that if she doesn’t believe in global warming then I’m not doing anal.

22 comments:

Bouncin' Barb said...

Thinking it and doing it are two completely different things aren't they?

Slyde said...

Well, i DIDNT do it... so there.

B.E. Earl said...

Slut.

Heff said...

I'm still wondering if you meant "pitching" or "catching".....

Slyde said...

earl: exactly.

heff: either.. im easy

Annabelle said...

you let a dog off his leash, he's gonna shit in the neighbor's yard.

thats a fact.

no need to be peeved over it.

me? i dont even like to get to know my neighbors in a "hey will you check our mail while we're out of town?" kind of way...so swinging with them is pretty much my idea of neighborly hell.

badgerdaddy said...

Genius.

MarkD60 said...

YOUR problem dude is that you fill in the blanks, she doesn't say anything and looks at you weird and you spew out what you think she wants to hear, more info than needed.
If she doesn't ask a question, don't give an answer.
And if she ever asks a question that starts with "what if" the answer is "I don't play the 'what if' game".

sybil law said...

Oh, Slyde.
Actually, none of this shocks me.
You are a slut.

Marlene said...

All I see here is a connection between global warming and @ssholes.

Sandra said...

You're truthfulness is such a turn on! And I recycle!

Chris H said...

I'm with Fizz on this.
You are an arsehole.
*shaking my head *

No offense intended.
Just sayin....

Chris H said...

OH and I do believe you are all talk... NO DO.

Tamara said...

This is where I shake my head, go 'tssssk' and sigh, "Men!" while rolling my eyes.

radioactive girl said...

I am questioning my girl-ness because I see nothing wrong with this. You said IF she said it was ok. It isn't like you would seek it out but if it was offered and she said it was fine? You'd be a fool to turn it down, right? Even in a hypothetical conversation. I guess I am a shallow asshole too.

Cocaine Princess said...

Let's put it this way- men can never win an argument with women.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Oh good ideas Mark!!!! I think Mark wins the "keep wife happy" comment.

I don't know - I've read the Dan Savage blog and so I know that people are into some weird, weird stuff. Swinging is like the least of it. But, y'know, as long as they're on the same page and not hurting anyone...

All that aside, I think the "Oh NO! Of course not! I would never ever, ever want to be with ANYONE but you!" line is the safest way to go under most circumstances.

And very funny on the recycling/global warming comments! :-)

elisecrets said...

Slyde!!

You said she was weird... so... how come you'd still sleep with her?

Oh my gosh, stupid question (I'm such a girl!)

CPalermo21 said...

I think I have a proposal for you the next time you're over...

Lotus07 said...

You are one very strange and twisted man, but we already knew that.

This was a test, if your wife ever asks you about banging anyone else, the answer is always NO, even if she says it is OK. Geeez, my first wife taught me that dirty little trick.

Dr Zibbs said...

HAHAHAHA!!!!

jules said...

BA HA HA HA HA HA HA. This is totally a conversation my hubs and I would have. Dead on!