Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Change I Can Believe In

First off, sorry for being slightly lax in my posting last week.  I took some time off to take Mini-Me HERE, and I’d much rather be outside doing THAT, than being inside behind a computer doing THIS.
Secondly, despite the title and banner picture, this post has abso-tutley NOTHING to do with politics. I try to steer clear of that around these parts. I find I’m much more suited to booby and wee-wee jokes.

No, what I wanted to discuss in THIS post, is change.

Not “climate” change, or “emotional” change, just CHANGE.

You know…. Pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters.

Specifically, WHY the fuck do we still have it?

It’s just a nuisance. Plus, when I have a lot of it in my pockets, they make funny clinking noises and makes me look like I have an oddly shaped pee-pee.

I know that there was a movement a few years ago to do away with the penny. Apparently, it costs the government something like 3 cents to make each penny. Now, I’m not an accountant, but something about that seems inherently wrong to me.

But why just stop at the penny? Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have to deal with ANY change at all?

Which leads me to my next rant…..

Sales tax.

Why don’t stores start selling things that round out to whole dollars once you figure in the sales tax?

In other words…

Let’s say that I want to buy the “Acme Piece of Shit 9000”. So I go to the store and find out that it is $23.99. Factoring in New York’s sales tax (8 ¼%), I end up having to pay $25.97. So, in one way or another, I’m dealing again with that pesky encumbrance known as ‘change’.

But, wouldn’t it be better if the store had just made the initial price of the item to be an amount that, once sales tax was figured in, came out to a WHOLE dollar amount?

In other words, if the store had instead charged me $24.02 for the “Acme Piece of Shit 9000”, once you figured in the sales tax, the price I’d pay would be an even-steven $26!

Wouldn’t that be nicer for EVERYBODY involved?

Look, I realize that I’m much smarter than the rest of you, so let me illustrate my point more clearly with a simplified diagram…..



Does that make more sense? I think the fact that I artfully reconstructed the look of a classroom environment will help you all grasp the concept that much easier.

And before you ask, YES, I DID always go to school naked….. Doesn’t everybody?

Look at the body on me! No wonder I was always the teacher’s pet……

22 comments:

2abes said...

It must nuisance, not the change thing but your hmmmm....pointer. (if the self poortrait is accurate) Do you ever accidentally step on it or get it caught in the bike chain?

Annabelle said...

But I LIKE MY change jar. I dump change in, let it build up, turn it into cash and presto I (or the kids, if they aren't on my damn nerves) gets a prize.

But for use in life? Yeah, stupid and pointless.

Bouncin' Barb said...

You make a good point. But we seem to have a problem in this country for solving problems. I left you a comment on my post. You better get your butt over to Kristina's and at least read my guest post. Don't make me come up there!! Haha

Slyde said...

abes: oh, i could tell you SOME stories.....

anna: see, if we were facebook friends, we could have discussed this privately...

barb: on my way!

B.E. Earl said...

MAYBE you have an ego problem? Sheesh.

Useless Trivia I learned from The West Wing: The only state that allows you to use pennies in toll booths is Illinois, the "Land of Lincoln".

meleah rebeccah said...

I loathe change & sales tax!

Kristina said...

Well, well, well. After seeing a comment on my blog from you, then a blog comment over at Barbs saying I must make the first blog move, I suppose being old fashioned went out the window, eh? I suppose I'll be the first one to hit the follow button! ;) I'm kidding, I'm hitting the follow button though, glad I found out about your blog.

I completely agree about the change thing. Here we dont have food tax which is lovely but unfortunately we still don't end up with round number, damn groceries starting at $3.78 or whatever ruins it. Making the tax with the amount of the item equalling an even number would be too much work, especially in these big corporations. Their motto seems to be easier+cheaper=the way to go.

Slyde said...

earl: i just got ez-pass, so fuck toll booths!

meleah: see? you and me = destiny

kristina: Welcome! See, i like an agressive woman :)

Chris H said...

Our government has done away with all small change lower than 10 cents... and stores always 'round' the amount up or down, depending on how much it is.
$2.95 and above becomes $3, and under $2.95 becomes $2.90.
It's so much better.
You fulla's are behind the times!

My laptop keyboard is the pits to use... so I plug in a 'normal' sized one to use. That is why I have two keyboards dude... *smiles*

Brandy Rose said...

I'm with Annabelle. I like my change...garage sales...they're addicting...

Slyde said...

chris: see, thats another reason why i love new zealand..

brandy: yeah, but i'd be happy with "everything for a dollar"

Marlene said...

Is it just me, or is there a giant penis in this post?

Sandra said...

You're so funny! You had me laughing right from the beginning with your "change" explanation, and I'm glad you did, because yes, I was thinking about emotional/financial/global change vs. the kind that drags down my purse. As for that picture, well, I'm wondering if it's "anatomically" correct...? You are hilarious! Loved this!

Heff said...

Slyde,Slyde....

Take the good WITH the bad - With a pocket stuffed full of change, you can fake having a big dong WITHOUT having to use a childish illustration.

As always, I try to HELP....

sybil law said...

Do you shave to make it look bigger? It doesn't really fool anyone.

Malka said...

This is why I paid for my Acme Piece of Shit 9000 with a credit card.

MarkD60 said...

In Mark Twains book, "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthurs Court" there is a section where they talk about millipennies. And I think I remember talk of the king having a giant party which costed an outrageous 4 cents.
I have learned that the only way to fight change is with change. I carry it with me and try to get rid of it. That way I never have more than a few coins in my pocket, and never more than a dollar.

That water park looks like fun!

Slyde said...

marlene: penis? where? i dont see a penis in that picture...

sandra: anatomically correct? only one way for you to find out!

heff: Childish? that self-portrait took me over 12 hours to complete.

sybil: it fools ME...

malka: good girl.

mark: but change is like the tide.. it just keeps coming back to me. and the water park is a hoot.. we go there every summer.

radioactive girl said...

I totally agree with you and have said the same thing before. I think if something is smart and makes sense, our country must have a law against using the idea. It's the only explanation that makes any sense.

Slyde said...

agreed.. i cant think of any other explanation :)

Lotus07 said...

You are over thinking this. Most people are 'dumb' and look for the lowest posted price. Those that do so, usually have change, because they are too financially depressed to have bank accounts and debit cards.

I rarely look at the cost of something when I buy it. I pay with plastic and dont' worry about change.

Ditch the money and move into the 21 century Mr. Slyde.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

I wish I could give you this fortune cookie that I got once. It said, "Don't fear change."

In any case, I need change so that when I forget that it's pizza day at my kids school we can all scramble around the house three minutes before we have to leave and attempt to come up with enough to buy pizza. Otherwise, we have to stop at the bank and we're most likely already late.