It’s another one of those dreams where, try as I might, for the life of me I can’t seem to figure out what the heck my sexy subconscious is trying to tell me.
In my dream, I am standing around my house, talking to Friz, when suddenly I feel this great pain, and I realize that I can’t speak. It was like my whole body was seizing up on me.
Then, while she is standing there trying to talk to me, I realize that I am on the verge of passing out. I’m fighting to stay awake but I can’t do it, and I hit the floor, seeing nothing but blackness as I pass out.
When I come to, I find myself in a hospital, strapped down to the bed. Friz is there, and I ask her what the hell happened. She tells me that I have some kind of really dangerous, near-fatal disease, but they THINK they cured me but they aren’t sure.
So, I’m strapped to this bed and start flipping out, when I ask her how long I’ve been there in the hospital, and she tells me that I’ve been in a coma for 5 days. I must say, that she seems to be quite chipper about it. In real life, she can be quite vindictive too, but I must say that being happy that I’m near death seems a bit over the top, even for her.
Anyway, in the dream, I am suddenly unstrapped to the bed somehow, and I try to stand up, and I feel an incredible pain in my sides. I can barely walk and I’m starting to flip out again.
When Friz sees my confusion about my inability to walk, she turns to me and says “Oh yeah, that. I decided that since we were here in the hospital anyway, I told them to give you a double hip replacement. I figured it couldn’t hurt. That pain you’re feeling is probably the big metal hinges that they inserted into your hip-bones.”
When I asked her why the HOLY FUCK she told them to do that to me, when I had no damn problem with my hips at all, she says “I don’t know… I thought it would be funny”
Then I woke up. I awoke with the almost-unstoppable urge to reach over and strangle the life out of Friz while she slept, but what passes for my sanity finally kept me calm enough to remember that I really can’t blame “Real-Life Friz” for the things that “Dream Friz” does.
But I DO believe that she really WOULD be spiteful enough to do that to me in real life. Just for kicks, ya know?
I really don’t understand why I bring out the worst in people. I’m so sweet and bangable.