Thursday, June 16, 2011

I Probably Shouldn’t get Involved….

So, I might’ve seen someone get killed on Tuesday.

I took the day off from work so I could go to Mini-Me’s school field day, where he ROCKED the Balloon-popping competition and the Spongebob Relay race, thank you very much…..

Anyway, for dinner I thought it would be nice if we all went out to one of our favorite local restaurants to celebrate his complete awesomeness.

Friz was driving (because, let’s face it, I am WAY too fucking cool to be caught behind the wheel of the mini-van. If I’M driving, it’s the convertible or nothing). Anyway, as we were driving, I noticed some kind of commotion on the street, waaaaaay up ahead of us.

It kinda looked like two guys dancing.

You don’t really see too many men spontaneously getting jiggy in my neighborhood. Hell, that’s probably true in most neighborhoods, unless you live in the town of Glee. Or a bath house.

Regardless, as we drove closer, it became apparent that these dudes were NOT in fact dancing….

They were fighting.

They both looked to be in their 30’s/40’s, and there was a third guy, sitting on a bike, just watching them go at it.

Friz looked at me and said, “Oh my God, is that for real?”

“Looks pretty real to me.”

At that point I looked at Mini-Me, and he was clearly spooked by the whole thing. It doesn’t take a lot to pull him away from his happy place, and watching 2 guys punch each other in the face seemed to have done the trick.

While we were discussing if it was real or not, I saw the bigger guy knock the smaller one to the street, and start to unleash a flurry of haymakers to the dude.

On his last punch, the guy on the ground, who had been trying to get up, really got his lights knocked out. He looked like a marionette that just had his strings cut. He went limp, and crashed onto the curb, his arms splayed out over his head, into the street.

Friz cried, “Oh my Goodness! Is he dead?”

“I dunno. Pull over.”


“Pull over. I’ll go see what’s what”

“I am NOT pulling over this car!”

“Relax. I’m not gonna start swinging at anybody. I’ll just see if the dude is ok.”

At that point, my son hit Defcon 0 in the fear department, and started crying and yelling for me to stay in the car.

So I had Friz yelling at me in one ear, and Mini-Me yelling in the other, and I’m yelling for SOMEONE to just pull over the frigging car.

A nice family moment.

Anyway, Friz refused to pull over, and called 911 from her cell phone.

We continued on to the restaurant. At this point, my son was now consumed by fear with the assertion that since my wife called the police, “the killer would know that we called and would come after mommy”. No matter what I told him to assuage his fears, he was trembling with surety that mommy was a goner.

A relaxing family meal indeed.

On the way home, there was a police car in the street where the fight had occurred. This was over an hour later, so my hopes that the unconscious dude had just come to and walked away probably didn’t happen.

Anyway, my son was so freaked that he demanded he sleep with us, although, from my point of view, if the killer WAS in fact coming to exact his revenge on us for tattling, if it was ME I’d want to sleep in the backyard rather than NEXT TO the intended target. I don’t feel that he really thought that through very well.

At any rate, it’s been 2 days now and I have yet to see someone looking like Robert De Niro standing outside my house yelling “Counselor, counselor! Come out, come out wherever you are!”, so I think it’s safe to say that I’m probably not on anyone’s Revenge List.

Who’s idea was it to have a fun night out again?


Verdant Earl said...

I think I have to side with your wife and son on this one. Just because they were in the car with you. If you were alone or with some other dude, then I could almost see stopping just to check. But you would have kicked yourself if something went wrong in front of the family. I probably wouldn't have stopped either way. People can be scary.

sybil law said...

I would've stopped, probably. Then again, I'm an idiot. Still - at least you guys called!
It's actually probably good that MiniMe saw the whole thing with you guys, though. I mean, it's inevitable that he'll see a fight at some point (in real life, and not on a movie), and good that he saw you guys call 911.
Well, I'm trying to put a positive spin on it...

Slyde said...

earl: yeah, people can be scary, but im a firm believer in at least giving people a chance to see if they screw me over first...

sybil: see, if WE were married, i could haved stopped! dammit!

Heff said...


Anonymous said...

You could probably inquire with the PD to see what happened -- it's probably a matter of public record.

If only you knew a police officer.....

Unknown said...

shit. that is not good. poor scarred lil mini me.

that would have definitely upset my lil man.

of course now you've lost many of your studly points in not having gone out there and whipped some ass. such a shame, I was *this* close to sleeping with you.

Slyde said...

heff: indeed.

chris: true, that is unfortunate. All i know is a bunch of asshats. i WAS thinking of calling the PD, just out of curiousity.

anna: hey, that was not my fault! I wanted to just jump out of the moving car but she wouldnt unlock the child-proof door for me. does that make me MORE manly? All this work to get you to sleep with me and now im back to square one.

2abes said...

don't worry you wouldn't be on the revenge list, it would be Friz, her phone made the call. you are free and clear. besides they were probably fighting over the last swig of hooch in the brown bag bottle.

Marlene said...

And this is exactly why I've got a permit to carry. I'd have jumped outta that car, packin' heat...and inspected....and if that tough dude tried to lay a finger on me, I'd have shown him my little friend. HA! (I'm so tough.....right.)

AlleyCat Runs said...

Poor MiniMe!!! I hope he gets over it soon. In all honesty I'd like to say I'd have stopped, but until you're in the situation, I don't think you can say. I did step inbetween 2 dudes at the pub I worked in one night - one was about to belt the other with a pool cue. Damn lucky he didn't belt me with it.

I'm just glad you are all OK.

Slyde said...

abes: yeah, im sure at least ONE of them was drunk.... but at 5 in the aftenoon?

marlene: oooh, you carry? you're my little Dirty Harriet!

Alleycat: That was you??? How dare you butt in! I was about to clock that guy with that pool cue!

MarkD60 said...

Depends on the circumstances, but I think your wife was right not stopping. 'Specially with the kid in the car.

Radioactive Tori said...

I agree with the people who said you were right not to stop with your wife and child in the car. I'm glad she called 911. I am laughing about your theory on sleeping far from the intended target.

How scary for your son. I think a lot of times when things are so out of the ordinary (I am assuming this is out of the ordinary) kids have a really hard time getting over it because they have to figure out how to make sense of it before they can let it go and since it doesn't fit into any of their previous experiences, they have a hard time making it fit.

BB said...

I loved that freakin' movie. It was awesome. Was there anything in the newspaper on this? Wonder what happened to the dead(?) guy.

Cocaine Princess said...

Unless you happen to be an off duty cop or even a medical professional I think Fritz made the right decision- stay in the car and call 911.

I truly hope your Mini~Me is feeling emotionally better. Give him big kiss from me.

latindog said...

You're wife was right. You should not have stopped.

Slyde said...

mark: why you do have to always go and throw LOGIC into it..?

radio: not out of the ordinary at all.... i typically send him in alone to the worst neighborhoods i can find and let him fend for himself..

barb: i havent looked yet. you'd think i would have by now.

cocaine: but i am a badass ninja!

Latin: but i WANTED to!!!!!

Bruce Johnson said...

If murder was involved, there would have been crime scene tap and an investigation, My guess, is that he survived, in some fashion. Never stop for stuff like this. That is why god created 911....thank goodness you have wife that can think in times of crisis.

Chris H said...

I'm 100% sure Stew would have stopped. I would have just rang the cops like Fizz!
I hope the dude on the ground was not dead. How awful for your wee man to see all that.

Jill said...

Poor Mini-Me! I hope his terror is subsiding some.

I don't think I'd have wanted my husband to stop. I mean, presumably you'd have had to fight off watching-guy too. He had to have been on the side of the guy doing the beating up and not on the side of the guy getting beat up, because otherwise he wouldn't have been just sitting there, right?

I think Bruce is right and he must have come out ok, so in this case you come out okay too. And 911 wouldn't have gotten there any faster whether you did or didn't get out of the car. You DID help, and I much as you would have liked to have done more, I think you done good as it was.

Slyde said...

bruce: they did a crime scene tap? that seems kind of insensitive....

chrish: see, stew and i are more alike than you care to admit.