I haven’t done one of these in a while, but I was thinking about this the other day and it really irks me.
Why the Hell do people put their face so damn close to the microwave when they’ve got something cooking in there?
It drives me absolutely BATTY every day when I walk into the kitchen here at work and inevitably see some fatso who can’t seem to wait another 30 seconds when the timer will go off, to see if the tsunami of cheese she just poured over her nachos is sufficiently melted.
I mean, maybe I’m a tad on the paranoid side, but I remember back in the 80’s when microwaves first came out, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM came with a warning that you should not stand too close to them, because the microwaves used could be cancer-causing. Every single one of those fuckers came with a warning that you should stand a few feet away from them. I remember when I was a kid and we got our first microwave, my parents treated it like it was a box of escaped Bronx Zoo cobras. We’d give the damn thing a wide birth whenever it was on.
Cut to about 20 years later, and now people seem to think that microwaves are as safe and friendly as a Teletubby.
Did I miss some breakthrough in microwave technology somewhere along the way? Are these machines NOW warming up my Hot-Pockets with hugs and rainbows instead of deadly radiation?
I actually had this conversation with someone at work the other day, and the jackass actually said to me:
“Oh, come on! That was years ago! They make microwaves SO much safer now. They don’t leak radiation anymore!”
Oh, ok Slappy. So I’m gonna bank my future existence on the hope that some Chinese factory worker was trained well enough at his .000002 cents/hour job to remember to weld those 2 pieces of tin correctly so that no heebie jeebies manage to seep thru. Yup, seems perfectly reasonable to me! After all, it seems like a worthwhile risk to take with my life if it means I can actually watch my fucking popcorn spinning around while it’s popping!
So, maybe I’m a bit of a hypochondriac, but I really don’t see it that way. You nutsos can continue to bend over and french kiss the glass while your leftover meatloaf boils over…..
…. I’ll be standing far back in the corner checking out your ass.