Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Microwave Rage

I really don’t want to turn this site into “Slyde’s Microwave Blog”, but I just had to relate this story that happened to me recently.

I went to the cafeteria to get my lunch out of the refrigerator so I could nuke it in the microwave. When I opened the door to the microwave, I noticed that someone else’s lunch (a TV dinner) was sitting in there. Apparently, someone put their lunch in, set the timer, and walked away for a few minutes while it cooked.

No biggie. Happens all the time. I simply took the person’s lunch out of the microwave, placed it on the counter, put my own lunch in, and set the timer. While it was cooking, I decided to run upstairs to get a can of soda.

Now, I’m gonna stop my story here for a second. Was taking this person’s food out of the microwave a big no-no in microwave etiquette that I’m not aware of? Seriously…. Is what I did REALLY a big fucking deal to anyone?

Because, let me tell you…. It was a BIG fucking deal to THIS bitch.

I knew something was up when I walked back into the cafeteria. There were about 5 people looking around uncomfortably, and this one bitch who I have never seen before was ranting about SOMETHING.

The first thing that I thought of was that my lunch must have somehow exploded in the microwave and made a mess that someone else was cleaning up. That was the only thing I could think of, because the way this loon was screaming and cursing had me at a loss.

But no, as soon as I got closer, and all eyes in the cafeteria turned to me, THIS is what I heard:

“Who the FUCK would touch another person’s lunch in the microwave? I can’t fucking STAND someone else handling my food! Now I’m completely disgusted. I can’t eat this! I CAN’T!”

And with that, she took her TV dinner and threw it into the garbage!

Now, I’m all for having it out with obnoxious people, but this chick honestly threw me for a loop with how she was acting. I kept thinking:

“She CAN’T be talking about me… let me just get my lunch and get the hell outta here.”

So, I sauntered up to the microwave, popped the door open, and took out my food. As I did so, I could see her eyes burning a hole into me. As soon as I grabbed my food, she said:

“OOOOOH! AND HERE HE IS RIGHT NOW! THANKS FOR RUINING MY LUNCH! I GUESS I’LL STARVE NOW BUT AS LONG AS YOUR SHITTY LUNCH IS NICE AND WARM THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS, RIGHT?”

As I said, normally I would have laced into her something righteous, but I’ve really tried to curtail my temper over the years when it comes to work. I had some incidents in my younger days when I blew my cool at work, and it never ended well, so now really I try to let most things slide.

But this witch would NOT shut the fuck up.

She kept up with the insults the entire time I collected my lunch, and continued with them while I walked out of the cafeteria. I never said a word to the chick.

But OH MY GOD did I want to wring her damn neck.

So, my question to you all…. Is what I did a no-no? Or was this chick off her meds?

p.s. She wasn’t hot at all. I wouldn’t even THINK about banging her. That may NOT be an important part of this story….

…. Or it just might be the most important part of all.

38 comments:

Susan Higgins said...

Ok... she sounds like she NEEDS Lithium Orotate - it helps people with this sort of outburst.

No... you were not wrong to remove her food. Sounds like she has a personal problem.

If it were me, I'd report her to HR for humiliating you in public and her unprofessional outburst.

Seriously, it isn't like you spit in her food!

Yes... she's a bitch.

Raquel's World said...

Well, I am neutral here. First off I do not like people handling my food either. But at the same time anyone that eats out has someone handling their food.
I also think if that bitch was so serious about her food she should have stood guard. Where the hell was she anyways? I'm sure you guys have an alloted time for lunch. You cannot sit around and wait for her to return to heat your food, that is cutting into your lunch break.
And her flipping out was totally uncalled for. She should have sucked it up and learned a lesson and not left her food unattended.

sybil law said...

I can't believe you didn't say something. What a nutjob!
It is NOT a big deal for you to have taken her food out at all.
At the very least, you could've pretended your food was SO HOT and hard to carry. Just to really make her have a conniption.
:)

Slyde said...

sue: i'd like to have done something more than SPIT in her food...

raquel: i see what your saying, but i think theres a big difference on WHAT the lunch was. It was a tv dinner for gosh sakes.. all i had to do was grab the sides. its not like i manhandled her salami sandwich...

sybil: i should have thrown it into her ugly face...

CPalermo21 said...

Maybe...

I think it depends on how long the food was sitting there. If the microwave had gone off - say - 15 seconds earlier, then, yeah - you might do well to grow some patience.

I normally will wait about 30-45 seconds from when I first get there, if someone's food is in the microwave (or someone's cup is still under the Keurig coffee pot).

Same thing in college -- when I used to head into the laundry room and I would find clothes still in the dryer. I'd still wait a little while before removing them (because nothing would piss me off more than when I showed back up to get *my* clothes, and I KNOW the timer had ended just a few seconds earlier, and my laundry was already sitting in a basket on the floor ... grr....

Brandy Rose said...

She sounds fucking nuts. I'd be unable to control my temper in that situation. Fuck her.

Slyde said...

chris: i dont know how long it was there, but i know that when i walked in there the cafe was empty and the microwave was off so it had to have been sitting there a few minutes.

brandy: thats the problem.. i don't WANT to fuck her...

Suzi Q said...

Nutbar. Totally. I can't believe you didn't say anything. I would have lot my shit all over the place! If she was no where in sight leaving her food unattended and the microwave was off, I would have done the same thing.

B.E. Earl said...

If she doesn't like other people touching her food, then she shouldn't have stepped away from the microwave. I wouldn't. It's as simple as that.

Slyde said...

suzi: i normally would have too. im actually quite proud of myself.

earl: thats what im saying, yo.

Bouncin' Barb said...

You did exactly the right thing. If you walk away from your food like that and someone else wants to use the microwave, it's only right that you remove what's in it. I would have told her hey, next time, don't leave it then. But definitely DO NOT go to HR with this. That would be a huge mistake on your part! I sent you an email too btw.

Lotus07 said...

Yes.........you made a HUGE blunder here. You actually chose to remain employed with a company that would hire this gawd awful bitch.

The law of the jungle states, if you put your laundry in a washing machine, if turn on the televsion, if you put food in the microwave........and then LEAVE THE ROOM, .....ANYONE can take our your laundry, change your channel or remove your food.

You own it when stay with it, when you leave it, you lose it. What, she could stand by the microwave for 60 fucking seconds until it was done. Was she looking for some Midol to releive her PMS symptions....and then couldn't find any?

Give me the bitches e-mail address, and I'll tell her where to stick it

(can you tell I hate these sort of people?)

Vinomom said...

Wow. I am shocked that not ONE person agreed with the bitch. I wouldn't go off on someone and I wouldn't throw away my food, but I would be pissed if someone took my food out of the microwave, and I would never touch anyone elses! (But I would be annoyed if I was waiting around for more than like a minute for someone to come and get their's.

Sorry Slyde!

But Kudos to you for keeping your cool. Even if I was pissed she WAY overreacted!

meleah rebeccah said...

That chick is clearly in need of medication. She's the one that's insane. You did NOTHING wrong. What a complete psycho.

Mrs. Hall said...

off her meds most likely.

or. just not getting the message that that's innappropriate use of language at an office.

see. you were once young and hot headed and blew up at work. but consequences are a great teacher so you stopped.

she obviously didn't ever learn that lesson. here's hoping that when she learns it, (via being written up AND NOT FIRED) she'll simmer down.

until then, spring for another microwave in the break room.

WE HAVE LIKE 5 IN OURS BECAUSE I WORK WITH 1000000000000000000000000000000000000 WOMEN.

Heff said...

The way I see it, you left YOUR food unattended as well, right ?

I think a Battle To The Death is in order....

MarkD60 said...

You could have torn into her about abandoning her food in the microwave, so no one else could use it. Tell you'd been out looking for her and put it all back on her.
Slydes Microwave Blog, sounds pretty good!

Bouncin' Barb said...

Slyde...The email just got returned

http://bouncinbarbs.blogspot.com/2011/03/little-late-but-its-still-official.html.

I did in fact give you a shout out!

Annabelle said...

ummmm yeah, i say bitch is nuts.

i also say you should be thanking your lucky stars that you don't know and more importantly don't share a work space with this chick. i garantee you, THAT person is miserable.

Marlene said...

This is how I see it......

Anyone who has issues with someone removing their food from the microwave should stand there until it's done, so they don't inconvenience anyone else by "hogging" the nuker or forcing someone to remove their food.

She walked away - her food was fair game to be removed when it was done cooking.

It's the same with laundromats. You know - don't expect to hog the machines with your clothes and leave them in there unattended so others can't use the machines. Expect to find them on the counter if you're not going to be back in time to remove them yourself.

Personally, I think you handled it very tamely. I would have been tempted to slap the twit.

AlleyCat said...

off her meds. psycho bitch. it's the same as leaving your laundry in a machine or dryer at the laundromat. If you walk away, you have to be prepared that someone (with grubby mits!) will handle your nice clean laundry.

I cant believe she went psycho. It's not like you put your hands IN her lunch..........

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

I move people's food all the time and I don't see anything wrong with it AT ALL. It's not like you licked it to see if it was hot enough. Although I would totally lick it next time - might as well! Then at least you could say, "What's the big deal?!?!? It was hot enough!"

I get 25 minutes for lunch, TOPS. It's more like 17 or 18 minutes if you take off the time I spend traversing the building to go get get my lunch, and I leave myself five minutes to arrive back on time. If I use the bathroom, I get about 15 minutes. If I use the bathroom AND a parent is late to pick up their kid, it's maybe 10 minutes. If I then waited for five minutes for someone to take their food out of the microwave, I wouldn't get to eat.

2abes said...

you really know how to get some chicks panties in a bunch....bottom line is if she was so worried about her lunch she shouldn't leave it and walk away.

Slyde said...

barb: i didnt get your email. did you send it to the address at the bottom of my blog?

bruce: oooh, i like it when you defend me like this. i feel like a kept woman!

vino: really? im aghast. this is like our first fight. i can't wait for the makeup sex!

meleah: agreed!

holly: yeah, we actually have 2 microwaves in there. they are always busy.

heff: yeah, but im OK with someone taking my stuff out if im not there...

mark: dont laugh! im regiserting that domain right now!

anna: ... and ugly. don't forget ugly. thats important.

marlene: ooh, i was tempted. im actually proud of myself for not going postal.

alley: if i had only known how she was going to react, i would have put more than my HANDS into her peach cobbler...

jill: i knew you'd be a voice of reason. thats pretty much how i felt about it.

abes: sometimes i stick my winky in YOUR food when you arent looking...

Paticus said...

You should have taken her lunch out of the garbage and taken it with you, adding with an evil laugh: "My plan worked perfectly!"

Heff said...

Well, that was my POINT.

KICK'ER ASS, LOL !!!

Slyde said...

paticus: i have to say, it DID look quite tasty.

heff: she was bigger than me... i think it would have been a good fight.

Malka said...

You should have sneezed on her. It's so fun to mess with self-righteous unmedicated prima donnas who are that afraid of germs. Next time, if sneezing doesn't work, pee in her eye.

Chris H said...

What a stupid bitch!
I would not have been able to hold my tongue.... good on you for walking away. If you has said anything I think she would have just carried on screaming!
Maybe her monthly was late? lol

AlleyCat said...

I'm sure a little bit of phlegm wont hurt her next time!

badgerdaddy said...

Presumably she never, ever eats out then. If you don't like anyone handling your food to that extent, you stay with it. End of. Unless you own the fucking microwave.

You should have told her to grow the fuck up.

Slyde said...

malka: i'd love to have peed in her eye... im just not sure i could have gotten my arc up that high.

alley: stop it.. you're turning me on!

badger: yeah, thats prett much how i feel about it, too..

radioactive girl said...

I think if she knew she was going to have such a reaction to someone touching it, she should have been there when it was done and immediately taken it out. How arrogant does someone need to be to think other people can just sit around and wait? Who decided she was so important????

I don't get the big deal, but I also never understood why people got so mad in college over the same thing happening with laundry. Because I don't like to make waves I never took other peoples things out, and probably would have just waited on the microwave thing though. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it though in my opinion.

Slyde said...

agreed... i never understood the laundry angst either...

Heather (aka Sugar Free) said...

I'm a little late to the party but I just had to laugh at "I really don't want to turn this site into Slyde's Microwave Blog." That shit is funny. Hi. New reader here.

StephanieC said...

Man, if she cared so damn much, she shoulda stuck around.

I leave my shit in the microwave all the time. I just assume someone will move it, if I forget (and I usually feel bad if I forget and they have to).

I'd assume someone else would be more grossed out having to handle my food, than I would be to eat it if they moved it.

Did that make sense?

Anyway, kudos to you for being the bigger, controlled, silent person. You succcessfully magnified her crazy by you being calm, cool and collected.

StephanieC

_

StephanieC said...

Also?

Work on the urine arc, just in case, for next time!

i am the diva said...

hey slyde,
i used to have your email address, but it seems i don't anymore... email me madam_diva (at) yahoo (dot) com so i can reply to you.....