Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A Killer Among Us

I’m not sure how much press it has been getting outside the NY area, but apparently Long Island has our very own Serial Killer.
Yup, apparently someone has been dumping the bodies of young women, mostly Craigslist prostitutes, into the woods along Ocean Parkway, a dune road that stretches along the beaches of our South Shore.
Here is a pic of the area that the latest body was found. The latest body was discovered in the small wooded area to the right.


What’s REALLY freaky about this whole thing is, if this picture above panned to the left just a tad, you would see the stretch of beach where I play volleyball every summer. Really. Our courts are RIGHT there. And the bulk of these murders seem to have been going on over the summer, while I was there, blissfully unaware as my glistening, shirtless body was diving in the sand.

All jokes aside, this little island O’ mine really is kinda on edge. Every few weeks, the police keep finding new bodies (or body parts… ewwww) in that stretch of woods. I honestly haven’t seen people around here freaked out like this since the Son of Sam killings, back in the 70’s.

Except, I really don’t think that there IS a serial killer on the loose. At least, I don’t really think that all these killings are the work of ONE sick dude.

Maybe I’m twisted (ok, I AM twisted), but ever since I was a teenager, as I rode in the car with my parents along that lonely, dark stretch of road, I would think to myself “Damn, you could probably toss a body in those woods and it would be YEARS before anyone found them”.

So, it stands to reason that if I’VE come to that conclusion, that there must be TONS of other sick fucks out there that have has the same notion as me as they spied those woods with their little eyes.

I mean, I don’t have any plans on killing anyone right now (at least not YET), but if I DID, that woodland area would have been the first place I would have thought of to toss the body.

So, putting my expert sleuthing skills to work, I have come to the conclusion that we are seeing the work of MANY sick and twisted people who just happen to be unknowingly using the same unlucky patch of land to do their dirty work.

And with THAT, I have cracked another case. Wow, am I good or what? It’s kinda like one of those TV shows where the main character is a supermodel by day, jetsetting around the world doing photo shoots and banging hot starlets, and a hard-nosed detective helping dames in distress by night.

I’m kinda like Magnum PI, without the cheesy mustache but with a MUCH bigger package….

23 comments:

Brandy Rose said...

You're not the first one to think of great ways to hide bodies. (I happen to know where a pig farm is...) so, yes, there are more sick fucks in the world. But I'm not sure if it would be better to have one sick fuck doing all that or many? I think I'd prefer them having to search for only the one...

Candy's daily Dandy said...

And so there you have it. You are a like a super hero or something.

But really, serial murders are so interesting.

B.E. Earl said...

It's definitely at least two different killers. There are the Craigslist hookers, then there is the older set of bodies they found that includes a young girl. I think the police just stumbled on them looking for more victims from the serial killer. But how fucked up is that? They just stumbled onto them!

You're still my prime suspect, though. Familiarity with the area, latent homosexual rage issues...you've got it all.

sybil law said...

But do you have Magnum's car?!
Thought not.

I think of bodies being in woods all the time, too.
Crazy fuckers everywhere.

Slyde said...

brandy: you're probably right. i didnt say that having more than 1 killer was BETTER, just probable.

candy: arent they though? i cant stop reading about this stuff...

earl: well, if i AM the killer, you're my next target...

sybil: well, i DO have a converible.. does that count?

badgerdaddy said...

Earl, that made me laugh out loud. Slyde, you mean you haven't pissed next to Tom Selleck? Put that on your to do list, get yourself to a Magnum convention ASAP.

Slyde said...

my homosexual rage issues arent "latent".....

Raquel's World said...

Hmmm That's a very good perception on the case. I have a larger question though...How many Craigslist hookers have to die before craigslist takes down the hooker section??
Which by the way I though they did after Mark Madoff?

Slyde said...

im not sure, but i think they still have ads for things like 'escorts' or 'massages' and thats how they get around it.

2abes said...

I didn't think Magnum PI, he's not smart enough...I'm thinking Maxwell Smart, he even has smart as his last name...and a really hot partner 99.

Bless My Bitchy Heart said...

Hahaha! Funny post! I know what you mean about having a local serial killer being the shit. I grew up in Wichita, KS...home of BTK. We used to prank call our friends & say we WERE the BTK. You need to teach mini me that skill right now! The opportunity doesn't come around every day you know. Does your killer have a cool name yet? Seriously, hope they catch that twisted bastard/s. Again-thanks for the laugh!

meleah rebeccah said...

Now I am totally FREAKED OUT!!!

Lotus07 said...

This is news everywhere. If it leads in bleeds and high body counts always assure higher ratings on the evening news.

Have you noticed the black helicopters following you yet?

Annabelle said...

I'm pretty sure just commenting on this got me put on some list.

Psycho Sicko Pervs are everywhere. I would imagine disposal is the easiest part.

Marlene said...

It is kinda creepy.....just don't let "microwave lady" turn up in one of those ditches. (JOKING, people...JOKING!)

Bouncin' Barb said...

Slyde..just imagine how sick the killer is if it is one person. It can be the mailman, the store cler, the minister. It is scary. We have family going to school in LI and she's the same age as these girls. It's pretty freakin scary. We should hope it's one because catching them would be easier than if there were say 6. Good lord could you even imagine?

Slyde said...

abes: i've always preferred agent 69, myself..

bitchy: hey, i got that prank call! that was you??!??!

meleah: nah, you're ok over there in jersey....

bruce: really? so you've been hearing about this way out in AZ? wow.

anna: you've been on MY list for a while now :)

marlene: is it wrong that thinking of microwave lady in a ditch just made me smile?

barb: what school is she going to?

Mistakenly Misunderstood said...

I'm following you now. Entertain me...

MarkD60 said...

When I lived in Hawaii in the 80's, they would find bodies every time they harvested the sugar cane. Now, from what I hear, there is no more sugar cane on Oahu, all golf courses and housing developments.
It would be worse if someone decides to bulldoze the land to eliminate the body dumping ground.
PS they were making that show, Magnum PI, when I was in Hawaii. Everyone hated that shit.

Paticus said...

Where are these woods,exactly? Not that I have multiple bodies that I need to dispose of because the stupid city council has decided to dig up old Potter's Field and build a Wendy's(apparently that fatass Hanrahan is OBSESSED with the new sea salt, skin on fries), no, it's nothing like that. It's just that i would hate to accidentally wander into any woods where they might be body dumps happening...So, GPS coordinates, please? I'll check back in a bit, I gotta go get a new shovel, some garbage bags and rent a U-Haul.

elizabeth said...

Wow. I grew up near the Bernardo murders. DId the US get that news? It starts to make you paranoid.

Slyde said...

misunderstood: i'm on it! (and welcome!)

mark: well, if it makes you feel any better, everyone NOT living in Hawaii hated it too

pat: don't forget the lye!

liz: i honestly have never heard of them... i'll have to google em..

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Yike! Actually I remember that within days of closing on our house, my ex husband (then husband) found out from a coworker whose husband was a police officer that bodies were being dumped right up the road. It isn't the most pleasant thing to find out about one's new home.

Glad you've got things solved though! I guess that will be a big relief to your community!!!!