Thursday, March 03, 2011

Charley Sheen Makes A Lot Of Sense

I’m not sure if you’ve heard this, since it hasn’t made much news, but Charlie Sheen has gone crazy.
And I’m not talking about “Hey, let’s get stoned this weekend and go to Vegas” kind of crazy…..
I’m talking about total batshit, suitcase-full-of-coke, “throw your own feces” kind of crazy.
I’m not gonna say that I couldn’t be happier, because he’s got kids, and kids who have to deal with a looney-toones parent are not funny.
But I WILL say that what we are seeing with Charley these last few weeks is nothing new.  People tend to have short-term memories and forget that he’s ALWAYS been a world class fuck-up.
-In the 80’s, he shot Kelly Preston in the arm during one of his coked-up binges.
-He was Heidi Fleiss’ #1 client when she ran her prostitution ring.
-He’s beaten up pretty much every wife and girlfriend he’s ever had.
-He’s been in and out of rehab more times than I’ve been to White Castle (and I fucking LOVE White Castle).
And yet, people still love him.  I just don’t get it.
Honestly, I have NEVER liked the dude.  I think he’s a shitty actor, I think his TV show sucks, and in most of his movies he shows all the emotion of a block of wood.
Anyway, in the rare case that you just can’t get enough of Charley, THIS website is here to help.
What’s great about that site is they are technically not making fun of Charley at all…. They are just regurgitating all the batshit stuff he has been spouting off to the press lately.
Seriously, I can’t stop clicking on his big head.  Some of my favs so far….

"The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger and Richards look like droopy-eyed armless children."

"Can't is the cancer of happen."

"I'm an F-18 bro."

How great is that shit? 
That website is like having your very own Magic 8-ball…..
…. If it was built by Charles Manson.


Verdant Earl said...

This post is filled with tiger's blood and Adonis DNA. Winning!

Slyde said...

Earl: isnt he just the mostest?

Mrs. Hall said...

my favorite quote:

"I'm tired of pretending I'm not special".

(me too Charlie, me too!)

cray CRAY!

Slyde said...

holly: indeed

Chris H said...

Seriously, for the first time we are in total agreement!
Charlie is a right royal arse! Time for him to slink under a rock and bloody well stay there.

Slyde said...

for the FIRST time, chris?

cmon, we MUST have been in agreement over SOMETHING over the years! :)

Unknown said...

What I don't understand is why his particular demise is being so spectacularly over exposed.

Bravo for his superhuman constitution, but who gives a fuck?

I hope he doesn't go all OJ.

Marlene said...

I'm with you. He does nothing for me.

With all the shit going on in the world, why the hell are we so obsessed with this freak?

Bless My Bitchy Heart said...

Your posts are SO funny! I'm totally stealing that whole throw your own shit phrase. Equally disturbing is Chuck's effing hairline this week. The ounce of respect I was clinging to went out the window after seeing the tweaker comb over on 20/20. Sloppy junk bags are the just the worst!

sybil law said...

Oh it's like an 8 ball, all right.

Tiger's blood - so fucking special, man.

BB said...

Great post Slyde...I've never complained about his acting but as a person he certainly is and has been an out of control spoiled brat from a hollywood family who grew up thinking it was ok to beat women. Would like to know what really went on in his personal life that created these deep issues. Makes you wonder doesn't it? (I'm referring to Martin and family)

MarkD60 said...

I did a post about Sheen yesterday!
I like the website!
We watched Ferris Buellers Day Off the other day, and there was young Charlie Sheen, I had forgotten.

Slyde said...

anna: slow news week, i guess...

marlene: see above

bitchy: not just his hairline.. his whole face seems to be aging as im looking at it.

sybil: 8 ball! hah! i see what you did there ...

barb: completely agree. he comes from a family of fuckwads, and he is right there with em..

mark: pretty sure that was his first role (before Rudy)

Cocaine Princess said...

I love him on Two & A Half Men and I hope the show comes back. I saw the interview on 20/20 and I found it hard to believe he wasn't on drugs.

Charlie has seriously lost it. I hope he finds his way back.

2abes said...

he's f-ed up. I hope he didn't pass those genes to his kids. However it is funny to see a rich bastard totaly out of his mind. Him and Mel Gibson should make a movie together.

Slyde said...

princess: honestly, i think he's had enough chances. i hope he burns.

abes: throw in lindsey lohan and i'd buy a ticket..

Faiqa said...

That was awesome.
Like, it was an F-18, bro.
Also, I took this quiz on The Guardian where you had to guess whether a quote was from Ghadafi or Charley... I only got 40% of them right because I was giving Sheen WAAAY to much credit.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Insane in the membrane!!

Jill said...

"And yet, people still love him. I just don’t get it."

I don't know much about much but I'm going to go with the fact that he's handsome. Plus, doesn't he have other famous people in his family? And that always captivates people.

That web site is pretty funny! I might want to use a couple of those quotes myself - like the one about still being alive. I'm always usually pretty happy about still being alive! Sanity can be hard to come by sometimes, after all. :-) :-) :-)

meleah rebeccah said...


Bruce Johnson said...

I have to be honest, the first time I heard Mr. Sheen spew forth "Tigers Blood and Adonis DNA flow through my veins", I thought you were on the television....but only for a second.

Jill said...

OH! Bruce is that where the Tiger's blood thing comes from? I was listening to a radio show last night and one of the guys said something about Tiger's blood and another answered with something about Tiger's milk and then a third guy asked, "Are we talking about golf?" It was funny, but I had no context. :-)

Lifeofkaylen said...

FINALLY I find someone sane. I can't believe that horrible fucking show has been on the air so long---with NO acting ability and shitty lines. Ugh, HATE it.

And CS has never ever ever done anything of value in his entire life that I can see...just a hideous person all around.