Tuesday, February 15, 2011

When 20-Something’s Attack….

Ah, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times…..

As I previously mentioned, on Saturday I decided to take Friz out for her birthday, and because I am as sweet as I am sexy, I decided to take 19 of her closest friends with us for a night of dinner and drunken debauchery. I even had some of her friends from out of state drive down and stay with us for the weekend.

Anyway, about a month ago I made reservations for all of us to go to Blue for dinner first, followed by a drinks and dancing in their accompanying club. I had ORIGINALLY intended to surprise everyone by picking up the tab, until I realized that because this was Valentine’s weekend, they had a special menu price-fixed at $65 a head. I’m all for being generous, but that dinner, with drinks and tip included, would have run me over $2000, so I shit-canned THAT bit of generosity quickly.

Regardless, it was a pretty fun night. We stayed out and partied till about 2A.M, which we haven’t done in a LOOONG time. Plus, I discovered my new favorite shot…. chilled SoCo with lime. They went down easy. TOO fucking easy.

And the best part of the night was that I didn’t throw up all over my shirt and fall asleep naked on the stairs like the LAST time we all got together! Win-Win!

Anyway, I would ALMOST say that the night was a PERFECT success if it were not a little incident that transpired when we left.

As I said, we had people staying with us, and we wanted to take ONE care to the club, so my chick-magnet convertible was not going to cut it. Much as I despise the thing, Friz demanded that we take her mini-van.

As I stood in the freezing cold at the end of the night waiting among the crowd for the Valet to bring the car around, I began to get a tad antsy. A quick perusal of the crowd told me that most of the people standing outside were hip, trendy 20-somethings.

I asked Friz, “Hey, do you think these kids are gonna give us any shit when the minivan pulls up?”

“Shit? Of course not. Why would they give us any shit?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Of course, I should have went with my gut……

As soon as the big behemoth pulled around the corner, a fucking AVALANCHE of jeers and smart-assed comments welled up from the crowd….

“Hey, who’s fucking car is that?”

“Why don’t you pick up some prunes on the way home to keep you regular!”

“Hey who’s got grandpa’s colostomy bag?”

And on and on and on….

I just threw everyone into the van and drove off as quickly as I could.

I have to admit, I’m not used to being made fun of. After all, I’m gorgeous, I have a near-perfect body, and I’m hung like a horse. I’M the one who usually gets to make fun of OTHER people, dammit!

Anyhoo, the night was a success. Friz and her crew had fun, and the night didn’t end with me vomiting or having to punch some asshole in the neck, both of which have killed more than a few nights for me in the past.

But next time I’m taking my own fucking car.


sybil law said...

You need to get a Charger wagon or something!
That's funny, though.
Don't forget the prunes!

Verdant Earl said...

I thought we did Soco and Lime all the time back in our happy hour days?

BB said...

You should have said to the crowd of kids, "you laugh now, but there's going to be a serious sex orgy going on, on this ride home. That would have shut them up.

Bruce Johnson said...

Whoa....dude.....you have a colostomy bag? That sucks.

(and if you want to seem me dancing to Techno, come to burning man, I'll give you a techno lap dance....geezer)

Marlene said...

LOL....it could have been worse. Really... this could have happened back in the 70's with a Ford Pinto.

SK Waller said...

Meh. I quit caring a long time ago what kids think. Time has a way of evening the score.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I love my minivan! Glad you had a good time. You're a sweet and thoughtful husband. :-)

Bless My Bitchy Heart said...

Hahaha! Hilarious Story!

Chris H said...

Ahhh ya poor bugger!
And OMG I just started buying those little people to stick on the window of my Highlander!

Unknown said...

That's some funny shit.

Piss on those youngsters, they don't know it, but they've just had a glimpse into their futures.

Tamara said...


Sorry, Slyde, but that is pretty funny.

Jill said...

Eh...whatever. I mean, take your own car if you just feel like it, but I don't see any reason why you have to govern your behavior based on their immaturity. It's only so long before they need their own prunes and colostomy bags after all. No one makes it out of this life unscathed.

Cocaine Princess said...

Firstly, you are a wonderful hubby to your beloved Fitz. Glad you had a great time.

Second-- I love the comment left by Bouncin' Barb!! Too funny!!