Tuesday, February 01, 2011

I Got A Rock

Sometimes, I just can’t understand how people can be SO damn stupid.

Last night, I came home from work, and after dinner did what I do EVERY night of the week …

… I helped Mini-Me with his homework.

Every day, he brings home a folder with whatever his assignment is for the night. We sit at the island in our kitchen, and go through it, 1 item at a time.

This was his assignment from last night:

- Math workbook, Page 55

- Spelling, Page 20.

- Make sure to bring in a rock tomorrow so we can talk about the Earth.

Excuse me? A rock?

Sure, normally I’d have no problem getting his teacher a rock, lickety-split…..

And I’d sure as Heck LOVE to get her one for school today….

If not for just one, teensy, tiny, itsy-bitsy problem…….

What’s my problem with getting a rock?

Oh, I don’t know. But if I had to take a wild stab at it, I’d have to say that one of the things stopping me from finding a rock to put in my son’s knapsack for today is the small fact that THERE IS ABOUT 6 FUCKING FEET OF SNOW ON THE GROUND RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you fucking kidding me? Does his teacher get to school by underground tunnel? It’s like the fucking end-of-days outside right now, and I’m supposed to snorkel under mountains of iced-over snow until I happen across a pebble?

Where does this bitch live?

What, is there some kind of “Day After Tomorrow” global emergency where the kids simply MUST learn about rocks tomorrow, or the earth will be doomed?

Was waiting until, I dunno, April or so, NOT a fucking option to discuss rocks with a bunch of 7 year olds?

Well, after some arguing and some crying (by me, not him), I finally convinced Mini-Me that we were NOT going out last night to dig holes in the snow until we chanced upon a rock. Hell, I called some other parents last night, and they were equally flabbergasted at the ridiculous timing of this request.

If his teacher REALLY needs to get the kids rocks as fast as possible, I have the perfect place for her to find some….

Her head.


Mrs. Hall said...

yeah know, there's a teacher out there, having 30-40 8 year olds under her charge all day. and sometimes, JUST SOMETIMES, she gets a little distracted and asks for things like 'please bring a rock' enough though it's winter.

simple mistake. you could simply write in his notebook, "sorry Mrs. Teacher of my one and only Mini Me, but I can't seem to find a rock in the yard-too much snow! :)"

And this whole situation could turn from you being pissy and indignant to something silly and funny.

your choice Blockhead!

see what I did there??

Bruce Johnson said...

Ow my god....don't ask me how....but I can actually access your blog at work once again. It actually popped up. No more comments on my frickin cell phone.

....ow yeah....rock...funny. I bet this teacher has tenure.

Slyde said...

holly: yeah, i COULD have done that, but it wouldnt be the least bit funny.

p.s. im sensing hostility.. did we have a fight? cause im looking forward to the make-up sex.

bruce: WOO HOO! that rocks! i was actually going to email you tonight asking if you had a chance to try that stuff i emailed you. My hope is that the people who have had issues were because of dns hippup that is slowly correcting itself over time.

Raquel's World said...

I loved Mrs. Hill's response, and yours to her as well.

Let's just give you credit....how many dads take on this responsibility?

Verdant Earl said...

You should have sent him in with a big snowball. And then when it was time for show and tell, you could have coached Mini-Me to say "Awww...my rock melted!"

You can't let these little opportunities for hilarity pass you by.

sybil law said...

Hahaha - I like Earl's answer!

Seriously. Teachers are vapid dipshits.

Mrs. Hall said...

i do feel kind of punchy today.

tough week at work. patients demanding stuff from me that SERIOUSLY YOU NEED TO REALIZE THAT I AM JUST ONE MENTAL HEALTH PRACTITIONER. Not a magic wizard to make all your problems go away.


AND FINE. DON'T STOP DRINKING OR DURING COCAINE. keep coming to my office stoned and/or drunk. and be beligerant and angry and confrontational. BUT DON'T KEEP COMING TO ME DEMANDING STUFF TO FIX YOUR ANXIETY. Because your squeaky wheel WILL NOT BE GREASED.

AND FINE. MAKE THREATS. THAT GETS YOU KICKED OUT OF THE CLINIC AND THEN I CAN'T HELP YOU AT ALL. which makes me sad because if there is one thing I want to do, it's help. Especially the crack addict homeless morons that demand things.

so yeah. a little punchy today. work can bring me down somedays.

so go easy on your kid's teacher. being in charge of that many kids can be tough.

dang. guess i had a lot on my mind. thanks for letting me vetn a little. next time I'll keep it confined to my blog. ;)

Mrs. Hall said...

plus. I still can't work the snowblower right. and I feel like a idiot. I mean, I have a master's degree. I should be able to use a snowblower. Mr. Hall comes home on sat though. and all will be right with the world ;)

meleah rebeccah said...

Yes, she has rocks in her head alright! There's way too much snow on the ground to find any rocks! People's stupidity never ceases to amaze me.

BB said...

Good for you. She's got the college teaching degree but apparently not much common sense.

latindog said...

Man up, find your kid a damn rock and give the teacher a break :)

Seriously, I would just go grab a rock from the yard -- sure it's under a foot or two of snow but it's not really that tough to find a chunk of the planet. I would agree if she asked you to look for a specific type of rock.

Vinomom said...

I'm not sure what made me laugh more the post or the comments.

Sure, teachers are shaping our children's future and all that, but if they didnt do dumb shit then what the hell would you blog about?

Jill said...

Maybe she has a lot of houseplants or thought you would go get the decorative rocks from Hobby Lobby or Micheal's.

Not that that's really any better - I hate it when my kids get projects that operate on the assumption that we have endless opportunities to go to the craft stores and/or have an endless budget for printer ink.

a vapid dipshit

Marlene said...

Bwaahaahaa!!! Funny...yet I'm sure, frustrating! What a dunce. This is the caliber of teachers we have teaching our kids these days, huh?

Expat No. 3699 said...

I like BE Earl's idea...that or you could just tell the teacher the Snow ate his homework.

Radioactive Tori said...

I'm not really sure how this teacher makes it all the way from where I live to where you live every day but it clearly must be the same person. We were instructed to collect a leaf and bring it in. It is WINTER! There are no leaves around!

Chris H said...

Sooooo... how many kids in the class did manage to find a bloody rock???

Cocaine Princess said...

I think you did the correct thing by calling up the other parents.

GeologyJoe said...

am i the only one who has a pile of rocks in the house?