Thursday, January 06, 2011

The Video

Ok, I guess I’ve played coy long enough. I don’t think ‘coy’ has ever described me very well, so I might as well just show ya the damn thing.

I’ve applied 2 times previously. This time around CBS didn’t ask applicants to fill out their 2,000 page legal form, which was a Godsend. All I had to do was post a video, under 1 minute in length. After I submitted it the first time, I got an email from CBS saying they wanted to accept it but I had to prove that the picture I had hanging in the background was my own work of art. Are they kidding me? It was a painting of James Dean, for God’s sake! Anyway, after much cursing, I re-did the video with anything within eyesight removed from the frame, which is why it looks like I’m standing in solitary confinement.

CBS doesn’t divulge how many people apply, but I’d imagine it was a lot. Anyway, they accepted my 2nd video, and I am now one of about 2,300 people who are vying for a shot on the show.

Mind you, I have no delusions that I’m actually moving on to the next round. Next week, CBS will hand-pick ONLY TEN videos out of the 2,300, and THEN they are going to put those ten online for America to vote and out of THOSE ten, they strongly imply that only the highest vote-getter will be flown to Los Angeles for an audition.

So yeah, I’ve got almost no chance. But I guess, for once in my life, I’m gonna try to not be my usual, pessimistic self and pretend to me one of those annoying/“The Secret”/“I can do anything if I just believe hard enough” types.

Ladies, before viewing, please try to use your Lamaze technique to control your breathing, or whatever it is you chicks do when you see someone you really want to bang but, for whatever reason, need to control yourself.

And if anyone gets the urge to mail me their panties, please let me know in the comments and I will gladly forward you my mailing address.

Anyway, here it is:



I-Hate-Technology-Edit:  Stupid embedding from CBS is giving me problems.  If you can't see it, try THIS direct link instead.

If by some miracle I DO manage to get to the next level, you all better believe I’m hitting all you sexy folks up to get the word out and vote.


I’m gonna need all the help I can to get more votes than the chick with big tits from Wisconsin who is outside making snow-angels in a bikini.

22 comments:

sybil law said...

Awesome!
Who didn't you take off the boxers?!
Geez. Way to be a tease, Slyde!!

Brittany said...

:) Let me know if you need me to pimp you out on my blog! I totally will!

Amanda said...

Brilliant! Wish we could vote to get you on!

B.E. Earl said...

You sexy beast! Come on over and we'll play tummy sticks.

i am the diva said...

i haven't watched survivor since Australia - i'd watch again if you were on it! your video rawked.

Paula said...

It's awesome!

I hope you get picked. I laugh you land up on the show with ms wisconsin and they quote your blog. Hahahahaha

And The Secret works. "Feel as if it is." I've gotten a laptop and a blackberry using it. its more than believing hard enough... its acting as it is already there. Like when I wanted my laptop... I didn't actually want it. I pretended I was taking it for granted already, you know in my mind and feel emotionally that I was treating it exactly the way I treat it now and then someone bought me one.

I know it sounds bombastic. But it works... well, it is for me.

I sound like a nut. But the proof is in the pudding. I have a laptop now don't i?

So just pretend you are on survivor now, feel the "hunger" as if you are living it. Or alternatively (and I would think easier but more difficult to get into) feel as you would feel having won survivor, outwitted, out lasted. You know act as if it already is. Visualise.

Paula said...

didn't one of the winners of survivor once say she won based on the principles of the secret. She wrote "I am THE (ultimate?!) survivor" and she won.

Bouncin' Barb said...

Great video. Loved it. Good luck. You never know. I bet all the previous Survivor stars thought the same thing when they auditioned.

Lotus07 said...

Thanks to the wicked setup I have at the office (a personal Mac-Mini, using my Android Phone as a hotspot to connect to the web via Verizon), I was able to watch your audition tape.

Since I know this is a 'BIG' deal for you, I won't pull any punches and get right to the point. It isn't that bad. Your sincerity approach comes across pretty well and you do appear likable in the clip. The only thing I might fault is the audio, could have been a bit clearer, but hey, you can have all that muscle AND audio visual expertise.

Best of luck.....I can probably round up 30 votes for you if you make it to the next round. Maybe 100, if you promise to be my 'bitch' for a weekend.

Cocaine Princess said...

Earl's comment has got me giggling very hard.

You're a handsome guy!!

The comment left by Brittany-- same here okay? It'll be my pleasure to pimp you out too....for a nominal fee :)

Nat said...

It's a great video and you look good!
Fingers crossed you make it through...

radioactive girl said...

That was great! I can't wait until you tell us to vote for you (see? I am saying WHEN instead of if because I know it will happen)

vixen kitten said...

Who the hell told you I was from Wisconsin? I'm NAWT! And I'm sorry, we had a lot of snow this year, and a girl has to use what she has. *sweet smile*

So, ummmm, even though you bashed MY video here, and made me out to be a cheese head, I'll still vote for you!

Good luck, handsome!

xoxo
~vk~

Marlene said...

I totally LOVE IT!!! You SHOULD make it on!!! That was entertaining!! You ARE GOOD. Sheesh, and all this time I thought you were bluffing about how great you are!

meleah rebeccah said...

Best Video EVER! When can we vote for you? Because I REALLY hope you get picked.

latindog said...

Should have gone the full monty.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I hope you get on - you already have my vote, no matter what!

CPalermo21 said...

This was a life-altering experience.

Do you have a link to the bikini girl making snow angels?

Employee No. 3699 said...

I don't know if my vote would count coming from India, but I'm sure I can round up quite a few in the states. Good luck!

Chris H said...

OMG I love Survivor too.
And I hope you get on....
OOOO sexy Boxers dude!

badgerdaddy said...

I don't watch Survivor, I think your video is gay at best, but you know I'll vote for you and get everyone I know to do the same.

It's a gay video, mind.

And what the hell is Tummy Sticks, Earl?

Faiqa said...

All I could think about when I read this was... what is Earl going to write in those comments... and I was sorely disappointed. Bad Earl.