Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Secret Doesn’t Work


I was NOT chosen for Survivor


Bah.

I REALLY tried to use the power of positive thinking a-la The Secret to make this one happen for me. I kept picturing myself on that island: sleeping on the beach, hearing the surf crash incessantly in the distance, strolling through the jungle, banging howler monkeys that strayed too close to our camp….

Did I just share too much?

Anyway, I’d tell you all that out of the ten people CBS selected, I was MUCH better looking than any of them, but then that goes without saying, doesn’t it? It’s kinda like saying “Al Pacino is a much better actor than Yahoo Serious.”

So, in the end, I guess the third time was most definitely NOT the charm for me. But that’s ok….. as soon as they have another audition, I’ll be sure to be taking off my clothes again and submitting another video. I will NOT give up on this one. Nope. Not gonna happen.

And I’d LIKE to be gracious and say something like “It was an honor just to be nominated”, but cmon, we all know that when people say that it’s bullshit. What they REALLY mean is, “I’m a loser and I just want to go home and put on my Elmo feetie pajamas and eat Ben and Jerry’s while watching reruns of Three’s Company.”

Anyway, thanks to all you sexy people who gave me some positive feedback and vibage. I owe each and every one of you an oiled-up lap dance. With the possibility of sex afterwards in the back room.

A strong possibility.

A VERY strong possibility. Wink, wink.

Sheesh, you’re thick. Look, I’ll gladly bang you, ok?

I’m a giver like that.

14 comments:

Marlene said...

Awww....I was so looking forward to you making it on. They're nuts not to have picked your nuts..eerrr...I mean, you.

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh man. That sucks!

B.E. Earl said...

Now we know why the monkeys howl like that...

Mrs. Hall said...

YOU WERE ROBBED!!

FRICKIN FRACKIN!!!

I prayed for you. Like twice even.

bah.


FROWNY FACE!!!!

Bouncin' Barb said...

Damn,where were you when I was single and lonely? hahaha. Sorry you didn't make it but it's gotta be cool that you got that far. That says a lot.

Nat said...

Bummer, Slyde! Their loss...

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Whatever season you end up on, that'll be my favorite season ever! (see? I'm still thinking positive!)

AlleyCat said...

:0(

those TV peeps are bloody stupid!!!

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Oh SURE they want to put on the Elmo jammies (Elmo jammies?) at FIRST, but I'll bet the honor of nomination grows as the disappointment subsides.

I've never seen survivor so I might be wrong on its intentions, but I just can NOT imagine wanting to be on a show that strives to drive you over the edge of what you can possibly endure. I have a hard enough time staying away from that edge just in normal day to day life.

Your posts keep reminding me of trying to restore normalcy after Hurricane Ike. When my friend and I were driving around looking for gas (it was hard to come by - in Houston no less!) with the gas light on she kept saying, "I'm NOT a survivor!" Sometimes during particularly rough periods I can't help but hear her voice - "I'm NOT a survivor!" I try and squash it of course, because what else can you do but survive? But putting yourself (or maybe it's just your mental health? I've never seen the show) in peril on purpose...I dunno. Of course they do say that a change is as good as a break, so maybe there's something to it. :-) :-) :-)

In any case and all that said, even though I don't understand it, I do wish it for you for whatever, and I do truly, truly think you'll get it if you persevere. Does that count for the secret?

Employee No. 3699 said...

I'm sorry you didn't make it (sniffle) :(

radioactive girl said...

I'm so sorry. I was really excited for you! Maybe if we launch some kind of protest letter campaign? Bombard them with emails saying you should have made it? Or I suppose you could just wait until the next one like a normal person would do. I'm really sorry though!

sybil law said...

What a crock of shit! I can't believe you didn't get it. LAME.
On the other hand, I hope Larry is in this episode of Three's Company and they go to the Regal Beagle. I wonder if Mr. Roper will think he hears them talking about sexually deviant acts?

latindog said...

Another reason you might not want to say you were flattered just to be nominated is that you weren't actually nominated either... although they should have nominated you for something, dammit!

Paula said...

awww nooooo. I'm sorry. You win some you lose some. The Secret is a very subjective thing. But I'm sooorrry.

You know what: next season?