Tuesday, January 11, 2011

844-Blow Me

Sometimes, I really fucking hate where I work.

If your company is like mine, you probably have one of those “emergency” numbers that you can call in the morning to make sure that your company is open for business.

Like if there is a natural disaster or hazardous condition of some kind……

You know, like a fucking impending blizzard!

Well, my company has one of those phone numbers, too.

The problem with MY company’s emergency number, however, is that it’s a complete fucking sham.

Yup, a total sham.

Let’s back up a bit…..

Tonight, going into tomorrow morning, Long Island is likely to be hit by one of the worst snowfalls we have had in years. I know that the weather channel likes to pump this kinda shit up so they can take their boring-ass channel and get some ratings for once, but all indications seem to imply that tonight’s storm will be a doozy.

And that would be ok with me, if the place that I worked for cared enough about their employees to give them the day off, or at least a delayed opening, in case of rough roads tomorrow.

But hey,isn’t that JUST what our emergency number, 844-COLD (isn’t that just SO cutsey? Barf), is for?

Apparently not.

I have just gotten hold of a super-secret corporate memo that just went out to only Senior VP’s that states, in a nutshell, that 844-COLD is a sham that they must perpetrate in order to keep the unions off their ass, and that they must continue to tell their employees that they should call in to 844-COLD every snow day to see if we’re open for business, EVEN THOUGH 844-COLD WILL NEVER AGAIN BE UPDATED and that we will NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, CLOSE!

Well, isn’t that just a fine and dandy way to treat your employees…..

It’s bad enough that they don’t care enough about whether we live or die enough to not want us on the icy roads tomorrow, but they don’t even have the stones to come out and TELL US that we will never close, instead having people continue to call this fucking number for a message that they don’t realize will never again change.

Nice. Way to stay classy.

Anyway, I’m done venting. I think I actually feel much better now that I got that off my chest.

This is usually the part, after a fight, that I go have some crazy make-up sex, but the only person in my immediate vicinity is Ted from the mailroom, and he really isn’t my type.

Plus, his beard keeps tickling my inner thighs.

Loin-cloth update: I find out if I made it to the top 10 on Survivor TODAY. Scratch that. I DID make it on! I need to stay positive and use the power of mental persuasion. Actually, as of 30 minutes ago, they hadn’t updated their website yet. They’re probably trying to find a picture that best shows my ripped biceps. Yeah, that must be it.


Mrs. Hall said...

WAIT WHAT??? What about survivor?

BB said...

Good luck in the Survivor trials.

Slyde said...

holly: you didnt read my whole post, did you?

barb: thanks! (see, SOMEONE reads ALL my shit!)

Mrs. Hall said...


but did watch your video.


I so hope for you!! rooting for you!! good vibes!! :)

sybil law said...

Your company is fucking bullshit!
I'm pissed we didn't even get a snow day from school here. I mean, honestly, the roads aren't that bad, but still. SILL. Fuckers.

I really hope you make it, Slyde!
I will fo sho do a post on you, then. :)

Slyde said...

holly: lol! what i meant was, they havent posted the 'final 10' yet. most people on the boards are thinking they will do it noon pacific time.

sybil: i agree. bullshit.

Verdant Earl said...

You should probably try to work from in your pjs more often. Works for me.

PS - I think I have that number on speed dial. Woogah!

meleah rebeccah said...

Snowmygod! Congrats on the Survivor update! WOOT!

AlleyCat Runs said...

good luck good luck good luck good luck

damn you 844-cold!

Jill said...

UGH!!!!!!! So they maintain that whole phone number just to pretend to care about employees?!?!?!? That stinks!!!!
But congrats on the survivor update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marlene said...

Nasty!!! Aholes!

(Am I reading this right...that you made it to the top 10, but they haven't announced it on the site yet? hmmm???)

Marlene said...

Or wait - you were just trying to stay positive. Is that it? I re-read it. Good luck, either way!

Chris H said...

I just love your positive attitude re: Survivor.

As for the other rant: well I'm hoping Ted shaves for you.... and uses moisturiser. That might make him appealing eh?

blondie1 said...

So so did you get in did ya did ya, TOP 10 that's like a guaranteed cert you'll be on!!!! surely.

Vinomom said...

I can't wait to hear that you made it!

Radioactive Tori said...

That sounds lame but I bet it happens all the time. I know when I was working we had a phone tree that we were supposed to use and it never got used and the owner said it never would. Then why bother? Same reason, to make people think they care even when they really don't.

Still thinking good thoughts about Survivor!

Bruce Johnson said...

It is interesting that the longer I blog, the more other people start to sound like me. I used to vent about my job constantly, but I sort of gave that up, because it just got too depressing. You, on the other hand are still on the upward arc of the bell-curve.

Sounds like the company could be looking at a major lawsuit because of their actions, if an employee freezes to death on the way to the office. Are you sure you don't work in Arizona....sounds awfully similar.