If your company is like mine, you probably have one of those “emergency” numbers that you can call in the morning to make sure that your company is open for business.
Like if there is a natural disaster or hazardous condition of some kind……
You know, like a fucking impending blizzard!
Well, my company has one of those phone numbers, too.
The problem with MY company’s emergency number, however, is that it’s a complete fucking sham.
Yup, a total sham.
Let’s back up a bit…..
Tonight, going into tomorrow morning, Long Island is likely to be hit by one of the worst snowfalls we have had in years. I know that the weather channel likes to pump this kinda shit up so they can take their boring-ass channel and get some ratings for once, but all indications seem to imply that tonight’s storm will be a doozy.
And that would be ok with me, if the place that I worked for cared enough about their employees to give them the day off, or at least a delayed opening, in case of rough roads tomorrow.
But hey,isn’t that JUST what our emergency number, 844-COLD (isn’t that just SO cutsey? Barf), is for?
I have just gotten hold of a super-secret corporate memo that just went out to only Senior VP’s that states, in a nutshell, that 844-COLD is a sham that they must perpetrate in order to keep the unions off their ass, and that they must continue to tell their employees that they should call in to 844-COLD every snow day to see if we’re open for business, EVEN THOUGH 844-COLD WILL NEVER AGAIN BE UPDATED and that we will NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, CLOSE!
Well, isn’t that just a fine and dandy way to treat your employees…..
It’s bad enough that they don’t care enough about whether we live or die enough to not want us on the icy roads tomorrow, but they don’t even have the stones to come out and TELL US that we will never close, instead having people continue to call this fucking number for a message that they don’t realize will never again change.
Nice. Way to stay classy.
Anyway, I’m done venting. I think I actually feel much better now that I got that off my chest.
This is usually the part, after a fight, that I go have some crazy make-up sex, but the only person in my immediate vicinity is Ted from the mailroom, and he really isn’t my type.
Plus, his beard keeps tickling my inner thighs.
Loin-cloth update: I find out if I made it to the top 10 on Survivor TODAY. Scratch that. I DID make it on! I need to stay positive and use the power of mental persuasion. Actually, as of 30 minutes ago, they hadn’t updated their website yet. They’re probably trying to find a picture that best shows my ripped biceps. Yeah, that must be it.